Retirement....how has it been for you?

[BermudaBlues]

I am planning (hoping) to retire earlish (around 58) and have been saving towards achieving that...but I have worked full time for many, many years and I am feeling a bit nervous about it all (I have a few years to go mind) - what will I actually do? Will I lose my identity? Will our marriage dynamic change?

Can anyone share their retirement stories with me? What went well, what didn't? What you wished you had done/prepared for? Am I just being a nervous nelly? I know I am quite fortunate position to even consider it a possibility.

I retired early, I was fortunate enough to be able to withdraw my work pension at the age of 53

This was last year. I did struggle at first with a lack of routine and the loss of identity.. who was I now? Was I needed by anyone? How do I structure my week? I felt a bit lost and I missed my work colleagues, the chat and shared purpose.

I'm not short of things to do in the week as I have lots of hobbies and friends who are also retired, but I still found it hard to deal with. I was quite down at first.

It is quite hard after being needed for so long in your career , to have lost that purpose.

I now have a part-time job, three days a week with no stress.

But it gets me out seeing people and gives me a structure to my week and makes me feel needed and part of a team. I think that's what I missed the most.

Most people think I am mad for working again, but for now it gives me what I need and fills the void without the stress I had in my previous job

Retirement is fantastic, love it. Fortunately my DH and I like being together and having our own time. I am just careful not to "shrink" our world. Easy to stay in more, especially during the Winter. I make sure we have a day out, even just visiting a nature park, shopping centre, meals out etc regularly. We prefer little mini breaks in the UK rather than 2 week hols abroad now as like to regularly break routine. I retired at 60 having worked full time since 16, no children so just enjoying lie ins, chilling, reading, walking, anything I wanr. Have a lovely, happy retirement when the right time arrives.

I think it's really important to find things to fill your time once you retire. It's great to have a nice long break when you've been working your whole adult life - but after a couple of weeks I can promise you you'll be bored of reading, daytime TV, long baths, or whatever else it is you currently dream of filling your day with.

You need something meaningful.

You can spend more time with family and friends who you don't usually get enough time to catch up with, take up a new hobby, volunteer for a charity, learn a skill, take classes in something, get fit, go out with your husband more to places like restaurants, the cinema, bowling, walks - whatever. And make time for little weekends away where you can, to get away from home. Explore the country you live in, visit different cities or go to the coast! Or heck, holidays abroad if your budget stretches to it.

It's absolutely wonderful to have all this time - but there's nothing more soul destroying than ultimately wasting that time.

It's fantastic if you have lots of interests, I love it. I work in a charity shop, walk the dog, run the local book exchange, see friends, read, travel - loads of stuff. I was careful not to immediately commit myself to things once I was retired and things have developed gradually and I've taken things on slowly. One thing though, if you are 'young' retired and you have older friends, you become the person to take them to hospital appointments, do bits of shopping, etc, if they become ill or whatever and can no longer do things independently. I do this for two friends and have done now for quite a while with no sign of it decreasing. I do it happily as they are good friends, but it does use up a lot of time I have to say!

I retired almost 5 years ago, aged 59 - so similar to you.

I love it!

DH is also retired, and it means we get time to do a lot of things together - things that we never had time to do when we were both working, such as day or overnight trips away, walks in and around London, long leisurely lunches, trips to the cinema/theatre, etc. 'Long weekends' can now happen during the week, which takes a lot of pressure off - not having to get away early on a Friday or back late on a Sunday, for example, and as we also have friends who have retired, we get to spend more time with them.

Being the age we are, travel is free (in London: tubes, buses, trams, trains), and with a senior railcard, train fares around the UK are usually 30% cheaper, so it does make getting out and about easier.

Holidays no longer have to be 7 or 14 nights, but can be as long (or short) as we want. And we aren't restricted to an annual number of days we can take either - as well as being to make decisions about going away more spontaneously.

I can't tell you what a joy it is to not have my life ruled by the alarm clock or other people's demands on my time. I suffer from insomnia (something I always thought would stop when I gave up work, but sadly it wasn't to be!), but knowing that I don't have to be up at 6.30am, and that I can sleep for as long as I want to, when I do finally get to sleep, is so much more relaxing.

What I wish I had thought about more, when we were both earning, was taking account of the things that needed to be done around the house, and doing some things earlier - or at least to seriously consider how much money we were going to need for them (e.g. having to have the outside of the house painted, having to replace a lot of carpets,) and also allowing for the unexpected, e.g. having to have new roof tiles and guttering after leaks, the car needing major repairs. At some point various other things will need to happen, and although we have a healthy retirement income, some things take a much bigger chunk out of your money than you might expect or have planned for.

Losing your identity @BermudaBlues is an interesting one - it suggests that you define yourself by work. I'd be working on that, so that you have a definite sense of who you are, and your worth, before you give up work. I'm also wondering why you might thing the dynamic of your marriage might change?

Retired at 65. I wobbled for about a week before and a fortnight after but now I wake up every morning thanking my lucky stars for my good fortune.

What makes it work

• I have two hobbies that I am very active in, and now can do more of
• One of the hobbies is a volunteering thing, and I can now do some of the management of that
• Many if not all my friends are now retired so I socialise more, with more during the day, more days out to see each other
• I get up later; wake up, luxuriate in not having to get up, have a cup of tea and a read in bed before I commit to the day
• DH is home a lot (shifts) so we spend more time together during the day
• Sometimes I just sit with a cup of tea and read. Astonishing!

It is absolutely lovely and I wish I'd done it 5 years earlier.

@BermudaBlues - not me but my parents - when my DF retired he signed up for a history degree at a local university. It gave him interest and structure and in his words (I won't be under your mother's feet 😂) Got that degree and then did some lecturing - that has stopped now Since then he has done a lot of voluntary jobs doing accounts etc / secretary , as disparate as MH charities and the bowling club. DM and Df have some joint interests but also do a lot of things separately. It works for them.

@BIWI Insightful questions! I think because I have worked for the same very large company for all of my career - I have literally grown up within the company - it has become part of my identify. I have always worked full time (with time out for several maternity leaves) and so has formed part is my social circle (a lot of my friendships have started through work). I had my children later in life at at time when I was being promoted to senior roles, so I didn't have much time to invest in socalising with other parents/PTA etc. which reinforced the working mum identity bit.

Frankly, I haven't had much time in between work and raising children to develop hobbies or interests but I would really like to - what I don't know!

Re the marriage dynamic - I think it is because we have always both worked in fairly senior roles it has felt quite even. My DH won't be retiring at the same time as he started later than me and hasn't quite sorted his pension out to the ideal level - I guess I am thinking we would need to redefine how it all works beween us. I remember my dad retiring and driving my mum up the wall and things got quite rocky for a while - I am also thinking about that!

I would definitely say it takes a bit of adjusting to - particularly when one has always worked. I went down to three days a week a few years before I retired which helped and then retired just after my husband. I was 61 and he was 57.

I had a few false starts with voluntary work, but did enjoy working in a community cafe for a while. It was lovely to be able to see friends and live life in a more relaxed way rather than clock watching.

My main hobby is gardening, which I love so that occupies a lot of my time, especially as I grow loads from seeds and cuttings.

We were lucky to achieve a successful downsize about five years ago (not house size but very much garden size!) so we're now near our daughter and are involved with grandchildren which is lovely. I still manage to see my previous friends, albeit a bit more travel is involved. My husband has found some new volunteering stuff to do, and it's been lovely to find things out about our new area - the novelty hasn't worn off yet. Just got back from our local cinema - lovely it's down the road - so that's a real treat.

On the financial side, personally we have found we haven't needed to use all our income from pensions and investments. Although we're not ones for lavish holidays. You can overthink it, OP, I would just jump in - definitely not over-commit yourself on the volunteering front and enjoy chilling and doing your own thing.

One final thought, most firms do some pre-retirement seminars - we found ours very helpful.

I did part time ( 4 days ) for a couple of years before actually retiring - a soft finish - which I think is useful

Also that helps get your head around it because it is a big change - like leaving school

had a number of plans - dry weather, wet weather plans - including sorting the house out, hobby groups, getting fit ( slowly!), volunteering ( not yet had the time ) and travelling ( when it's a bit warmer )

In terms of hobbies me and DH have sone independent of each other which is also a good thing

I have a diary so I can make plans for the week - sone structure. So every week have a day or two out and about, some time for a job that needs doing , some time for family or friend things

Also I budgeted for a greater monthly spend that when working - I have been a saver all my life and now it is nice to get a coffee or lunch out, or have subs for a club

I found my identity when I retired.

I finished at 57, my OH is 3yrs younger than me so is working 2-days a week for another couple of years.

It is great!
All the time in the world to myself, do what I want when I want with no timetable.
A sort of routine is maintained by Ddogs still wanting to go out and arranging shopping etc for when the roads are quiet, shops less busy etc but the best feeling in the world is not having to set the alarm to get up.

Being financially secure is a must.
No point in finishing if you are then having to scrape by, retirement is (hopefully🤞) a long thing and the thought of having dreams and the time to carry them out but being held back by financial constraints would really take the shine off it.

I retired last year and can't believe how much I'm enjoying it . The luxury of waking up and thinking what shall I do today is immeasurable, as is not waking up to the alarm in the freezing cold, wet , dark winter mornings . Winter has been more of a challenge as I'm an outdoors person and I think next year I need to get a bit more structure . The summer is the best , waking up taking a coffee and a book to sit in the sun , meeting friends , walking the dogs , gardening , just wonderful .
This year I have some property projects on the go so I have some plans in place . I also have 4 holidays booked . I'm 59 and want to see the world whilst I enjoy my health and mobility for as long as possible .

@Nourishinghandcream

Definitely agree that having money is the key . Being broke would close down all the opportunities retirement brings .

Retired from teaching in July 2023, at 55. Haven't looked back and not felt bored once. I do some exam invigilating at a local school on a casual basis-helps pay for holidays and treats and also gives me a purpose. It's great to have time to do what I want, when I want.

I took my work pension at 55 and now 3 years later DH has taken severance and his pension at 56 about 2 months ago.I had 3 years of voluntary work, two short days a week and tried various classes and walking groups. The one issue is the only friends I have who have retired this early all live in other areas.

We are buying a Motorhome, think we have found one, DH has been researching them for months and we have hired one. Then DS looks after the house and cat and we go off for a few months at a time in the UK and Europe.

We worked out all our annual expenses to the penny and did a lot of projections regarding future incoming and outgoing money. The plan had been for DH to retire in a years time but the University he worked at offered severance and so he got a years pay with minimal tax. Plus the pension scheme he was on was going to be worse after this year, I can’t remember exactly why but it was around 10% worse so it was a no brainer for us.

I don't know how I had time to work! Am loving it.
Adjustment was fairly easy as I had been self-employed for a few years before taking the plunge, so didn't miss commuting.
You don't have to fill every second of every day; take time to sit and do 'nothing' if you want. Your brain won't atrophy if you take a break.
Enjoy!

It’s great. I retired at 59. Partly planned but also I had breast cancer at 57 and decided life’s too short.
I cut down to part time at 55, which meant we could get used to a lower income. But I am still doing a day a week until DS finishes uni. It basically pays for his maintenance grant top up. I work in a high paying profession so one day a week gives me the equivalent of an average income on top of my generous pension.
Working also gives me a bit of structure and contact with people.

DH retired a couple of yrs before me, he has a small pension which will take him up to state pension age. I’ve always been the higher earner so we are comfortable.
We’ve spent 18months doing work on the house to make it more energy efficient and easier to maintain.

The central heating boiler packed up last week so that has been a big expense but the old one was 19yrs old. Hopefully the new one lasts as long. It is more energy efficient and with other improvements we’ve reduced our bills by 25%, hopefully with the other replacement appliances there will be even more savings.

Most people I know have spent time investing in future proofing.
During last summer we did a makeover on the garden so it’s far easier to maintain. And we changed the car.

The overwhelming benefit is that you have the time to plan and carry out everything. If you fancy a day reading a book you can.
You can have a day out or a weekend away it’s far more relaxed because you don’t dread coming home to sort out the return to work the day after.

We have some structure, and I prefer to do the weekly shop myself rather than online. It gets you out of the house and walking. I have time to shop around.

Attending appointments is easier and because you don’t have to fit them around work often sooner rather than later.
Everything is less stressful because time is no longer in short supply.

I am very lucky, but when I started out in my career I listened to the advice about planning for retirement. Sacrificing part of your income throughout your working life means that you never miss it and it’s a huge bonus when you have a decent pension at the end.

DH took early retirement at 58 for his own well being. The first month he was a bit frustrated as I was coming and going between my two jobs, wanting to do stuff at home, while he wanted to go out with me. He had a course lined up to start a month afterwards thinking he could do a few hours working in something different - in reality he won't get any work from that, but I think it was good for him to have a focus at the time.

18 months on, he moans he hasn't got enough time to do things. He fills his time by doing things he enjoys more - gym as he can now go in the day, walking and cycling, meets up with friends and, of course, we're together more. He's always done voluntary work, but thinking about cutting that back or changing to a different area. He used to get up at 5.45am when working and couldn't lie in on days off, now he tends to get up 7-7.15am, so he's getting proper sleep now which is good.

He doesn't regret it.

I think there's a big difference between retiring from working full time where work is a big part of your identity and retiring from part time work chosen to fit around a family.

I retired Autumn 2023, having worked part time for more than 20 years (child care morphing into elderly care) and that part time work being mainly from home since March 2020. My DH retired a few years ago so I'm used to us both being at home.

I spent the last couple of years debating about whether to go or not, in the end it was a combination of changes in my workplace I wasn't happy with, and realising I would be better off financially than I expected.

Don't regret it for a minute.

My favourite parts are being able to get away in the UK for a couple of days midweek when it's cheaper and quieter, and the same for travelling abroad, and not having to fit in with other people's annual leave requirements. Morning lie-ins are brilliant but I already had that to a certain extent with working from home. I'm glad of my dog to ensure I get out though as I have a tendency to laziness!

I'm kind of retired, in that I stopped working, moved away and started renting out holiday properties in my garden.

I have become terribly lazy. I always was to a certain extent but do have a terrible ' can't be bothered' feeling a lot of the time, I often think 'I'll do it tomorrow'. A lot of the time I can do what I like so I do waste a lot of time.

I enjoy holidays less, as I'm kind of on holiday all the time! I guess holiday life is not sufficiently different as I live in a holiday destination.

The biggest thing I miss is being an expert at work. I also miss the social side of work as there were dinners most weeks.

I do mostly feel very lucky. I couldn't imagine the slogging away, travel and early mornings now.

I agree with the lazy comment. I have to plan projects now to work on. And I also keep my brain busy with a few puzzles ( online ) every day. It’s easy to lose the problem solving side of working life.
Motivating yourself is difficult, initially it’s easy to have a good sleep in, nothing to get up for, and if like me, work was very strict time wise it is easy to slip into the “ I’ve got all day to do stuff”.
i tend to allow myself “doing nothing “ time but then set a time to do housework and other jobs. I’ve recently invested in new dish Asher and tumble dryer that are on an app. Because they alert me when they are finished, it discouraged me from just leaving jobs until I remember them. Technology can be good for motivation sometimes.
We have a dog so I have to go out daily for a good walk.

I have let things slide a little over the last couple of months. I lost my younger sister. It was unexpected and so have given myself time to properly grieve. In the past I’ve never had time to do this, being self employed and with a number of employees you can’t take a week of to process a loved one’s passing so you tend to file it away and get on with it. But I’ve learnt that it isn’t always the best policy.
Im now ready to face the world again. I could cope with one day a week of work but because I was suffering with awful insomnia and sleep disruption I couldn’t have done full time.
Im actually a very strong , resilient person, we lost our parents in our thirties and have had to cope with some major life stuff. This time I thought that since I didn’t have to face the world that I wouldn’t. It has been a much better approach.

Reduce the working days, so retirement doesn’t feel such a change.
Volunteering, hobbies, courses, all help to fill time, but bear in mind, as you get older, you have less energy, so housework etc probably takes longer and you don’t have the stamina you once had.

It’s about adjusting expectations.

Love it.
I was self employed working mostly alone so the social side of work doesn’t really apply for me.
Always lots to do, or not if I don’t feel like it. A huge garden to tend & I have dogs, several who fill a lot of my time.
We have a motorhome, it’s actually the fourth one we’ve owned & many times we just throw in clothes, dogs, food & take off with no set plan as to where or for how long. What starts as a couple of days can easily turn into a month, the freedom is wonderful. How did I ever have time to work !!

I enjoy holidays less, as I'm kind of on holiday all the time! I guess holiday life is not sufficiently different as I live in a holiday destination.

I suspect that if I lived somewhere that was a holiday destination I would be less obsessed with getting away. I live in a rather boring little midlands town miles away from the coast. We did consider moving but family and friends are here .