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Cheating husband.

16 replies

superplumb · 29/01/2025 07:59

So afyer 27 years I caught my husband cheating. He said he met her a month ago amd asked for her number. He offered to show me text messages to prove the date.
She booked a hotel on thr 31st dec and paid for it and they had sex. The lies he told me. He even convinced me to change medication over Xmas as I was 'paranoid' he shotef at me when I questioned certain things and made me feel guilty. He swore on the kids lives that he was cheating. He held me while I sobbed saying I feel like il going mad because of my worries about him cheating.
I just feel sick, shit about myself and the pain is unbelievable. I checked his dash cam for one day and he even deleted thr last image which shows him going to a car park to meet her.
We had sex still and even booked a night away for his birthday. We went out the day before woth the kids and had a good time.
When does the pain end. I just can't function. We have two children aged 9 and 11. They've not taken it well i don't think they have processed it.
I've had to block him because I'm messaging him asking him questions wanting detial but he's ignoring me. But I also don't want the details because it hurts more. I'm a mess. I just need positive stories because right now I want to jump in front of a bus.
The other week he came home with a bag of sweets. He told me that a bloke at work got them for the kids becdue he knew they liked them. I knew this was lie. Middle aged men dont do thus for men's children. Turns out it was her. Thus makes me feel sick.
Thanks to medication changed for my 'paranoia ' I've not been well and told him I didn't want to be alone thus sat when he was meant to be going out bowling. He said to get my mim round if I was unwell. He wasnt wiling to cancel it. Yep..she's booked a hotel for them both. I just keep getting intrusive thoughts.
Ive also posted in relationships but that's quiet atm
Any advice welcome.

OP posts:
thinktwice36 · 29/01/2025 08:07

Why haven’t you kicked this cheating arsehole out?

superplumb · 29/01/2025 08:19

thinktwice36 · 29/01/2025 08:07

Why haven’t you kicked this cheating arsehole out?

I told him to leave. He's back at his mums.

OP posts:
WilfredsPies · 29/01/2025 09:13

Oh lovely, it’s shit. Utterly shit. You’re doing so well to hold it together, even though it might not feel like it. You’ve got two little ones who are depending on you, so no more thoughts of buses etc. You’re Super fucking Plumb. You’ve held down a marriage to a selfish arsehole for 27 years and raised two babies. He’s not going to be the one to drag you down.

It’s time to go into self protection mode for you and your DC. He’s out of the house, thank God, so that’s at least one thing you don’t have to worry about. So while he’s gone, you need to go through that house like a dose of salts and get every single piece of paperwork relating to pay, pensions etc.

How are you for money? Have you got joint accounts? Do you need to move any cash to pay for bills? Or feed the DC?

Next step is a solicitor. He’s betrayed you in the worst possible way and is no longer your friend. You cannot trust a word he says about being able to rely on him for financial support. You cannot trust him. You need someone actually acting in your best interests and that will never be him.

You need to get yourself to icy cold, hard anger as quickly as possible. You cannot trust him. You can still cry when you need to, but right now, you need to focus your energy for you, not waste it on listening to more lies, so massive well done on blocking him; that must have taken some strength.

Interested in this thread?

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superplumb · 29/01/2025 09:25

WilfredsPies · 29/01/2025 09:13

Oh lovely, it’s shit. Utterly shit. You’re doing so well to hold it together, even though it might not feel like it. You’ve got two little ones who are depending on you, so no more thoughts of buses etc. You’re Super fucking Plumb. You’ve held down a marriage to a selfish arsehole for 27 years and raised two babies. He’s not going to be the one to drag you down.

It’s time to go into self protection mode for you and your DC. He’s out of the house, thank God, so that’s at least one thing you don’t have to worry about. So while he’s gone, you need to go through that house like a dose of salts and get every single piece of paperwork relating to pay, pensions etc.

How are you for money? Have you got joint accounts? Do you need to move any cash to pay for bills? Or feed the DC?

Next step is a solicitor. He’s betrayed you in the worst possible way and is no longer your friend. You cannot trust a word he says about being able to rely on him for financial support. You cannot trust him. You need someone actually acting in your best interests and that will never be him.

You need to get yourself to icy cold, hard anger as quickly as possible. You cannot trust him. You can still cry when you need to, but right now, you need to focus your energy for you, not waste it on listening to more lies, so massive well done on blocking him; that must have taken some strength.

I have a lawyer lined up but he's entitled to more than I thought. The law changed to no fault now.
We have a shared mortgage joint account . I earn more but I've told him I will match what he puts in which basically covers just half the bills and I will move the extra I earn into a joint account

OP posts:
BlueBeam · 29/01/2025 09:47

I am so, so sorry to hear this. He sounds like a total pig. He hasn't shown you any care, kindness or respect and has gaslit you to an extreme level. Think to yourself - what kind of person would rather drive the mother of his children to question her sanity to the point of needing new medication, rather than just owning his mistakes?

He is no good and, even though I can imagine you are going through a world of pain right now, you are better off without him.

Find someone to watch the children for the evening, assemble a good girlfriend or two and have a good old fashioned cry. Let it all out, then dust yourself off and get ready to move forward. You need to be strong and get yourself in the best position possible.

You've got this x

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 29/01/2025 09:52

@superplumb cant believe he went out with her on hogmanay!! take your money in cash and hide it at your mums. dont keep it in accounts. keep your children close to you. dont know how old they are but dont try and hide the truth. let them know their dad was a cheating bastard¬

superplumb · 29/01/2025 10:09

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 29/01/2025 09:52

@superplumb cant believe he went out with her on hogmanay!! take your money in cash and hide it at your mums. dont keep it in accounts. keep your children close to you. dont know how old they are but dont try and hide the truth. let them know their dad was a cheating bastard¬

I've been honest with the children. Dadd u broke mummy's heart and treated her badly
Thing is he came back home after work around 2ish. But was so tired he actually slept through the midnight bells. I was exhausted blue my eldest wanted to stay up so I did while the twat was fast asleep upstairs

OP posts:
superplumb · 30/01/2025 08:03

Another bad night. Lots of crying. I'm run down and getting poorly. I just can't get over him having sex with me, wanting to go away to a hotel with me. I feel used.

OP posts:
boredsh1tl3ss · 30/01/2025 08:24

superplumb · 30/01/2025 08:03

Another bad night. Lots of crying. I'm run down and getting poorly. I just can't get over him having sex with me, wanting to go away to a hotel with me. I feel used.

This sort of betrayal takes a long long time to heal from, I've been through it and even though it was nearly 5 years ago it still affects me and has damaged me as a whole.

You need to take time to heal, when people say time is a healer it's true. You need to keep yourself busy and do things you like to do for example go out with friends, get your hair done, nails done, go for walks, see family etc.

You may also need to speak to your GP about therapy or counselling so you're able to talk about it all and have a cry etc, it does help to some extent.

thinktwice36 · 30/01/2025 09:32

Dadd u broke mummy's heart and treated her badly

@superplumb i know this is awful but please don’t do this

Spondoolie · 30/01/2025 09:38

superplumb · 30/01/2025 08:03

Another bad night. Lots of crying. I'm run down and getting poorly. I just can't get over him having sex with me, wanting to go away to a hotel with me. I feel used.

You were used. That is utterly disgusting. I am so so sorry you have been treated like this.

Lonelymuma · 02/02/2025 09:31

superplumb · 29/01/2025 07:59

So afyer 27 years I caught my husband cheating. He said he met her a month ago amd asked for her number. He offered to show me text messages to prove the date.
She booked a hotel on thr 31st dec and paid for it and they had sex. The lies he told me. He even convinced me to change medication over Xmas as I was 'paranoid' he shotef at me when I questioned certain things and made me feel guilty. He swore on the kids lives that he was cheating. He held me while I sobbed saying I feel like il going mad because of my worries about him cheating.
I just feel sick, shit about myself and the pain is unbelievable. I checked his dash cam for one day and he even deleted thr last image which shows him going to a car park to meet her.
We had sex still and even booked a night away for his birthday. We went out the day before woth the kids and had a good time.
When does the pain end. I just can't function. We have two children aged 9 and 11. They've not taken it well i don't think they have processed it.
I've had to block him because I'm messaging him asking him questions wanting detial but he's ignoring me. But I also don't want the details because it hurts more. I'm a mess. I just need positive stories because right now I want to jump in front of a bus.
The other week he came home with a bag of sweets. He told me that a bloke at work got them for the kids becdue he knew they liked them. I knew this was lie. Middle aged men dont do thus for men's children. Turns out it was her. Thus makes me feel sick.
Thanks to medication changed for my 'paranoia ' I've not been well and told him I didn't want to be alone thus sat when he was meant to be going out bowling. He said to get my mim round if I was unwell. He wasnt wiling to cancel it. Yep..she's booked a hotel for them both. I just keep getting intrusive thoughts.
Ive also posted in relationships but that's quiet atm
Any advice welcome.

i have been cheated on. And it’s not nice. Trauma bond is real. But you need to break that. You need to cut all contact. There is help out there. Secure your finance and let him go, let her have him. Let’s be honest he doesn’t love or want you. Don’t let him ruin anymore of you. Are you south Asian? I know it can be hard with our families but the two most important people are your children be strong for them.

superplumb · 02/02/2025 10:44

Lonelymuma · 02/02/2025 09:31

i have been cheated on. And it’s not nice. Trauma bond is real. But you need to break that. You need to cut all contact. There is help out there. Secure your finance and let him go, let her have him. Let’s be honest he doesn’t love or want you. Don’t let him ruin anymore of you. Are you south Asian? I know it can be hard with our families but the two most important people are your children be strong for them.

No why would you think we were south asian

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 02/02/2025 10:51

Don’t know how old they are but dont try and hide the truth. let them know their dad was a cheating bastard
This isn’t for two primary aged children to carry, he’s desperately hurt the OP but as an adult it’s her job to support her kids through this, not for his sake but for the kids.

@superplumb I’m sorry you’ve been so badly treated and hope you have some support in your real life.

Runningoutofthyme · 02/02/2025 11:01

You missed the ex out of your threat title

cheating ex husband

can you afford some counselling for yourself? Easier said than done but you don’t want to waste any more headspace on him

superplumb · 02/02/2025 14:24

Runningoutofthyme · 02/02/2025 11:01

You missed the ex out of your threat title

cheating ex husband

can you afford some counselling for yourself? Easier said than done but you don’t want to waste any more headspace on him

No i can't sadly.

OP posts:
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