Being vulnerable to other people is the stupidest thing ever.

[joel666]

I am a 34 year old man and altho i didn't grow up in a toxic family dynamic where people shame me for being vulnerable and open about feelings, its still something that i avoid like a plague and i avoided.

The only times i ever shared my private thoughts and feelings is when my parents and older siblings was insistent and i would only do so just to shut them up and get them off my back.

Even when my father passed away a year ago, i made sure to suck it up and i didn't allow myself to cry my eyes out. Specially not in front of my wife. My wife is a sweet gentle kind of woman but i still don't allow myself to be vulnerable around her and i never share any private feelings with her even though she claims that she won't use my weak points against me. And in general i always have a positive attitude no matter what when i am around my wife or anybody. I am always upbeat and try to have a good sense of humor.

I only allow myself to cry in the shower.

Overall i find this whole idea of being vulnerable kinda stupid, cringe, pointless and a waste of time when there is better things to do to deal with life stresses such as working out, boxing, jogging, drinking some booze, going for walks ect. When i was young, there were a lot of times where i hear my mom being vulnerable to someone she knows. Either a friend, one of her sisters long time coworkers or even my own wife. She would talk about her health, my dads surgeries, her own surgeries, her stresses and whatnot.

If my mom wasn't open about certain things to my wife, my wife wouldn't know anything about my family and childhood.

The thought of being vulnerable makes me cringe. I always recoil on rare times someone ask me to share feelings.

Who else can relate ?

Cool story.

I can’t and I think you’re missing out not being able to cry I’m front of your wife.
DH and I are buttoned up but I’d be devastated if he had to hide his feelings in front of me.

And this is why suicide is the leading cause of death in men aged 18-50.

What do you hope to achieve?

You sound really sad, in both senses of the word

Well like i said there are other ways to deal with life stresses. Confiding in other humans seems pointless.

I can relate. I have lovely friends who insist that I should talk to them about feelings, I can’t think of anything I’d find less helpful. I’d rather go for a run.

I’ll sometimes have a cry in private or ask husband for a hug if I’m upset (family terminal illness) but that’s it.

Are you the chap who pops up regularly claiming you have a happy marriage but you don’t trust your wife to know you, or see your feelings?

You sound like an utter disaster as a partner. I’m not sure why you’re on this forum either.

But is that not what you're doing by posting this?

And the other better ways are crying in the shower and drinking?

Agreed.
Anytime I've trusted someone with showing the vulnerable side it's backfired.

No idea why people are leaving sarcastic assy comments some just love to knock someone when they're already down.

I don't know if you're genuine. In the event you are -

Being a fully grown adult who has had therapy and been through a great deal. The power of authenticity, being honest, being open, being genuine, no lying, no bullshit, is beyond anything I've ever known. It is the most amazing feeling and the best place to be. I could never be around someone who could not be like this too. That's a small circle because people can't be real.

You don't have to cry or be ' weak' to just be a person who is genuine enough to understand them self and actually say out loud ' this is shit right now and I don't like this' or ' it hurts alot dealing with this and that '. There is no weakness in that at all. Yes a guy crying all over the place all the time is not acceptable to society and many women. But who does that really anyway.

I relate to you OP and I agree. t's probably also the way men have been brought up not to show emotions.

When I had cried in the past for a very genuine reason, my ex told me I was manipulative. After that I switched to other methods of getting sadness/upset out of the system. Walking (miles) helps me.

I can now see crying itself achieves nothing except getting stress peptides (I think that's what they are called) out of the system and I do it mostly in private unless others are in the same place and swept by emotions, eg a funeral or theatre.

Nothing wrong with that, it’s just the way you are. Maybe you grew up around people you believed confided too much in others and you decided that you didn’t want to be like that.

Its because the OP is a man.
The average MN is very anti-men.

I’m authentic, I don’t lie, I’m an open book, I don’t hide stuff from people. I understand myself very well and am incredibly resilient (something that is said about me a lot, I’m not just being big headed). I deal with stress better than anyone I know and I don’t experience mood swings or mental health issues. I choose not to talk to people about feelings and problems because I’d rather go for a run, process my own thoughts and feelings and come back more balanced.

I’m intrigued to know why some people find that so hard to believe, to the extent that all sorts of insults and accusations are being thrown around on this thread.

Perhaps it’s just the OPs posting style 🤷‍♀️

Not you again. Go pay for therapy. Stop using women on the internet for free emotional labour.

In general most people don't want to hear about your problems and its actually not fair to dump that stuff on them but our spouse, our close friends should be able to listen to us and us to them sometimes at least. If you can't do that then you sound a bit emotionally stunted and unavailable and should perhaps find some way of opening up.

I think you are not really living, OP.

Do you have a significant other? You come across as single.

In what way? Yes I’ve been married for 25 years.

You've found ways to deal with your emotions and that's fine.
I think emphasising feeling vulnerable can be counterproductive to dealing well with emotions and being more resilient.
Some people are more resilient and put their energies into being proactive and that can work better.

Yes. Honestly, OP, get help for this kink that involves you getting Yoir rocks off by performing vulnerability in front of women on the internet.

Always the same posts...

Perhaps it’s just the fact that the OP posts exactly the same thing, regularly, and seems to have some kind of vulnerable/humiliation kink he feeds by coming on here.