Not a bad life but not good either

[Bumblebee193]

Feeling pretty down at the moment and need to snap myself out of it really.
I'm 33 have a mortgage live alone, feel like I've got noone to lean on and finding things a bit tough. I'm well aware there are people in far worse positions than me, but can't help but feel down about my own life at the moment.
I have a fairly small mortgage but also around £18k in debt with other things loans, credit cards etc. I'm hoping to clear the debt in around 2 years

I'm in a relationship and have been for a couple of years, but we live in separate houses and this won't change anytime soon. I don't feel like we're particularly a partnership, for example if I talk about maybe moving jobs, maybe downsizing house, it's generally met with 'whatever you think is best' and moved onto the next subject, so I don't really talk about anything important with him now. We have no financial ties

I have no children, I'm aware I am getting older and have a condition which would make an older pregnancy particularly difficult, so in reality it's the next couple of years or never. Nothing is heading forward in that direction, so coming to terms with the fact it'll be never

I'm managing to pay all my bills and debts on my own but I feel extremely aware a job loss or a major issue like a roof replacement could cripple me incredibly quickly.
I feel bad when I know some people are struggling to get by day by day with the current cost of living and I am managing financially at the moment even if I'm not totally comfortable

Just feel a pending sense of doom like anything could go wrong at any moment and I've got nothing to fall back on, no savings, no-one living with me to share the burden.

That was longer than I thought, apologies
I guess I feel like I'm stuck and kind of sleep walking through life at the moment.
Feel like I haven't got a real purpose in life and I'll hit middle age with not a lot to be proud of and look forward to.

Maybe the relationship isn't right for you, sounds like you want more he doesn't.

I agree.

If your 33 and want children you don’t have time to waste on a relationship which isn’t going anywhere.

Well your relationship isn't great is it? Always a red flag when they show no interest in serious conversations. I think you need to sit down and write a list of life goals, ending a relationship that doesn't seem to be going anywhere might be on that list....

I don't think in reality I'd even have time to find someone else to settle down with. The relationship is nice apart from the lack of commitment really. I think that ship has already sailed, I wouldn't want a child with someone I'd only just met
I've not met a man that wanted to settle down with me, even when they've made the right noises at the beginning of the relationship about wanting to settle down with someone. I guess that noone ever decides that someone is me.
It's just hard to accept that I've basically only got myself to rely on and I'm worried about something happening that will make me really struggle

Are children are something you really want? If yes you have choices.

A. If your DP is a good person and generally right for you, give him one last chance. Tell him this it is time for a serious talk, and if he doesn't want to talk seriously you won't be able to stay in the relationship. Have serious talk. Be blunt and state your exact position. Find out what he wants. Be prepared to leave him if you don't align. If you do align, agree a timescale for marriage (or other legal protection) and children. Do not leave the conversation without agreeing a timescale. He needs to be enthusiastic about this.

B. If after your chat DP is not the person you are going to have children with, leave him today. Not tomorrow, today. As soon as you can face it, start dating fiercely. Be brutal.

C. Do nothing. Plod along without taking charge of your own life. You will probably have huge regrets later that you didn't do everything in your power to get the life you want.

Making big decisions is scary. But the idea of looking back with regret is much scarier.

You have achieved a lot at age 33 - being a home owner with a small mortgage is wonderful and you are working to pay off your debt - perhaps you could extend your mortgage a bit to pay off the debt (if the interest rate would be lower).

You could see a therapist to dig into why you feel like your life is a bit stuck at present and why you worry about lack of support and financial security so much.

Your bf is coasting with you and it sounds like he doesn't offer you genuine support - perhaps you should think about ending the relationship - "your boyfriend is stopping you find your husband" saying may be apt here. Does he have an avoidant attachment style. Do you actually really love him?

You could look into freezing your eggs or explore other avenues into parenthood such as fostering.

It is scary to feel alone in the world and not really financially secure. We all crave to feel safe and loved. We only have the now, the past is gone and the future not forseeable or assured. I think a lot of people have an early thirties slump - career not as fulfilling as hoped, glory fun days behind them etc.

33 is certainly not middle age. Your whole life could change tomorrow.

@SapatSea unfortunately can't really extend my mortgage, I have a very low rate compared to current rates and still got a few years on that fixed rate, so extending the mortgage term would incur a one-off penalty and adding years probably wouldn't reduce the payments because of the jump in rates
I do love him, he's supportive in some ways, if I need help with something practical, then he'll jump in and help. It just seems like he's not interested in combining lives if you know what I mean. We go on holiday together, spend a decent amount of time together but I think he views us still as separate entities that have our own problems and responsibilities that we make our own decisions around