What am I supposed to do if the school call me to pick up my child?

[MyGhastIsFlabbered]

Not so DH has just gone off in a strop because I had to go and pick up DS2 from school. (DS not his child).

DS2 has AuDHD and is really struggling with all sorts. He doesn't sleep, his MH is poor (awaiting assessment with CAMHS). He hates going to school and it's a battle to send him in every single morning.

He goes to a specialist school and they called me to go and pick him up...this is a regular occurrence. DH is stroppy, saying there's nothing wrong with DS. In my mind, I trust the school and if they think he shouldn't be there then I will get him. How could I tell the school that I'm not picking him up? And why would I?

I wouldn't. But I would tell 'D' H where to go.

so your dh doesn't think your son has Audhd? He's in a specialist school so has an EHCP I presume? Which are notoriously difficult to get.
Does your dh think autism isn't real?

He knows autism is real as his daughter (who also lives with us) has it. But he seems blinkered into the view that 'her' autism is the only form it can take.

DS came home because he felt sick. DH doesn't believe he's poorly and can't seem to understand his feeling sick could be all linked to his mental health.

I have to go and pick my son up from his specialist school a few times a month.
Can be very annoying when he’s fine as soon as we get home.
It’s 4 miles away from my house.
No way would I tell the school I’m not coming for him 😬

So if it's a specialist school, what are the reasons for sending your DC home? Do all 3 of you need the security of a setting that can help and provide education and care? Are the school not coping?

You have to collect him if the school call . Yes he probably is OK once home and in his safe environment. But that's not the point .
Mental health is so important.
How is he with your son in general?
Are you both in work so that's his problem for having to collect him?

Would it help to arrange a meeting with the school to discuss DS and make sure DH attends too? The teacher can give the school's point of view and DH can have the opportunity to ask questions and hear it from the professionals.

why does your DH have the right to throw a strop over something you are doing for your child? Did you ask him to go? What were you doing that majorly impacted him?
I would tell him that you can parent as you see fit as can he with his child.

How long have you been with your dh? I couldn’t be with someone like that. (I have a son with autism who attends specialist school, similar circumstances to yours, I often get called to collect him).

Did you even read the post?

Oh wait, did I even read the post? Sorry about that snarky respobde

Children still struggle/feel unwell at specialist schools. The OP said he has come home as he felt sick.

Yes, the only reason seems to be that DH does not think the child is unwell. My point is how does it impact on DH if the OP goes to pick her child up....

I don't know why it impacts DH other than he's supposedly WFH today although he went out for a 2 hour run at lunch and is currently asleep on the bed. He came back from his run and still isn't talking to me. I'm really upset because this is getting dangerously close to being the final straw.

Then let it be the last straw.

You've enough to manage in life without your 'D'H being another challenge rather than a partner. How exhausting.

If he's regularly needing to be picked up it might be worth looking at why.

However if school call I'd always pick up.

He’s a prick. You know he is a prick. You’ve known for years.

I feel this is a common problem with the men. It is very hard to accept the extent of the differences and how that impacts the kids with school and life. He can't come to terms with it. I struggle sometimes myself as a mum to AuDHD child. The stress never stops.

Men however seem to think a bit of discipline is all it takes. And it never works does it.

The fact he is not biological father would make me very uncomfortable at this stage. Are you financially able to be without him in case things fall apart.

I would be going back to the special school here. Do you feel they are really trying every single thing before calling you. It feels unfair to me - on you!

You mean he didn’t particularly want you to know he’d be doing fuck all at work today or that he wanted the house all for himself and not ‘disturbed’ by your ds?

If you’re close to the last straw scenario, have you contacted a lawyer to see where you stand house wise? I imagine that your ds being in a specialist school means you have to stay close by.
Plus ofc there is the issue of whether you can pay the mortgage etc….

Give yourself permission to say this was the last straw.

You know, without a doubt, that DH isn't going to change his viewpoint or way of being, and your child deserves better.
You do too.

Your son shouldn't be made to live with such a shit man.
Stonewalling is abuse.

Put your child first and divorce the man.