Why are some mothers so overbearing?

[Kibble29]

Some of the posts on here - mothers tracking their adult kids on nights out, getting ready to go to a hotel near the pub they’re in just in case, others taking great offence to a dark joke made by their 20-something year old child that didn’t involve them in the first place.

Then you get the replies with posters saying they track their 30 year old and get them to check in when they arrive at work, others saying they’d sit their 25 year old down for a serious talk if they got drunk and vomited.

Why do adults think that because you raised someone it entitles you to full access to their adult lives? It’s overbearing, inappropriate and completely cringeworthy to read about. God knows how their (grown up) kids feel.

I don’t actually know anyone in real life like this, but they’re bloody common on MN. 😁

I don’t think it’s mothers, it’s people. There are frequent posts on here wailing about partners failing to ‘check in’ regularly on a night out, which seems to me completely mad!

Yeah, fair enough. You could definitely apply the sentiment to more than mothers. All equally mental in my opinion!

I def think it's just mumsnet. Never met anyone like this in real life.

For gods sake don't start a thread about leaving your kid in the car while you pay for your petrol!! Those threads go mental!!

It's up to the adult children to cut the apron springs and get on with living their life on their terms.

I moved out at 19 and never looked back.

I live overseas now and visit family once a year. I tell them absolutely nothing of significance about my life. The resulting peace is priceless.

Controlling people are as able to have kids as normal folk!

I mainly seem to know parents who let their toddlers use axes and whittling knives though, so very much the opposite end of the scale

I actually know a family like this.

The mother tracks her adult childrens phones and locations, has access to their social media and also has cameras installed in the house to watch them. It's been this way since they were teens so they see it as normal.

I always feel uneasy when visiting them and it makes my skin crawl with how possessive and controlling the mum is. I no longer visit as I just can't cope with "big brother".

We all track each other. From my mum in her 80s to my school age child. It makes the worried ones feel safe and the rest of us don’t care.

I'm the same, as in I'm old enough to be of a growing up time without any phones.

Would have hated to be tracked as an 18 year old, never mind a 21 year old like the threads on here at the minute!
I have teenage kids/young adult, I completely understand anxiety as I suffer from it.
I don't track though as it'd just totally feed into it and make me worry more, you'd get into a spiral of checking more and more even if you only originally installed it "for emergencies."
What you don't know about you can't worry about is what I try to live by 😁
I much rather try and keep myself busy instead, take myself off to the cinema, find something to do at home that needs doing instead so I don't think about it lol

Just shows we're all different as I would care, I've nothing to hide but I'd hate to be tracked.
I'd find it controlling.
If DH tried it I'd be finding myself some random places to check in to to wind him up/confuse him 😁

It is very controlling. If someone is so anxious they want to do this, then they need to get therapy for their anxiety.

Yes, that's it - if I'm anxious I try not to project that onto my kids.
I feel it's my issue, not theirs.

Same. Once you make a habit of deflection it all becomes so much easier.

I don’t see how someone knowing where you are is “controlling”. Like any information surely it depends on the people involved and how that data is used.

In my mums case it’s because she catastrophes everything and has no life of her own but she isn’t extreme like some of your examples. I have strong boundaries too so it would never be happening now.

I don’t track my children, but my partner and I track each other on Google maps. We are frequently off on our own in other cities, and I like someone knowing where I am. I track my best mate too - she runs and cycles on her own, and wants the security.

That is truly bizarre behaviour. I also agree that all this monitoring and control is high levels of anxiety coming out to try and take charge of relatively mundane and normal aspects of life that don't need monitoring to this degree. Good luck to those kids, I would be amazed if this doesn't manifest into a sense of constantly being watched as an adult.

I really worked hard not to be that type of parent.

I had a very controlling and abusive upbringing, and I've also had two of my children die, so I have no basis for what's a normal way to parent, plus I get really over anxious about my dc.

These are my problems to solve though and I was determined not to pass them into my kids, it just involved a lot of discussions and a very open relationship where they could tell me, without me getting upset, that I was going too far. Which they have done on occasion.

It seems to have worked so far and my kids are growing up happy and independent, and choose to still be close to me rather than feeling guilted into it.

I suppose though it's what they do with the ability.
You go missing and no one can reach you, look on the tracking app because as a single woman walking home after work, you are vulnerable. Fine. Sitting there most of the day looking where everyone is and questioning them about it, weird and controlling.
I see a logic to women having someone who can track their phone, even if it's a friend and an agreement it's for emergencies only

I know a family who tracked eachother.
It was one of my husbands work colleagues. We always got on with them but on hearing that, i just couldn't help but think how strange it was. At some point it even involved the grandparents being watched when they looked after the children, mum and dad always knew where they had taken them.
They've separated now, in a horrific way.
I dont know if it was him or her with the anxiety and trust issues but someone had to be in complete control all the time.

Well it depends on what relationship you have growing up, in guessing not a great one if you consider them just people to visit rarely but routinely and who aren't to know anything important about you. I don't know anyone with a healthy relationship who'd do this, which begs the question why bother at all?

My MIL would have an implant tracker on DH if she could 😂🤦‍♀️

I do think some parents struggle to let go of their ‘kids’. Even if they are in their 29s/30s+

No way! Oh my word