Drugs are the only answer aren't they???

[Sickoffamilydrama]

DS is 8, 9 in a few months and has ADHD with a PDA element he's a lovely really kind and mostly happy little boy.

Although does get the emotional dysregulation and over thinking that comes with ADHD. So can be a rollercoaster of emotions at times.

He has always struggled to settle to sleep, we have always done a routine since birth (he's the youngest of three).

He can't seem to get to sleep and will often be up and down to us in the evening and then at night he's in and out of our room.

Often he gets himself in a state worrying about us dying which is heartbreaking he'll tell me he will be all alone in 40 years and he's not sure how he'll live without me or DH. I do tell him I have no plans to be dead in 40 years!

He also gets the usual childhood fears but then because of the ADHD then can't get back to sleep.

We've tried everything from consequences for getting out of bed to sleepy tea, Nordic tricks such as warm the bed and open the windows so the room is cold, a cool shower before bed (DS idea), mediation, mediation story on tape, relaxing music, a story on tape, he has a night light projector and usually listens to music to settle.

After a particularly bad month and a few days of him being ill which really has compounded the sleep deprivation we can't take anymore. He had really bad earache the other night and I was so tired I nearly said to him I don't care, I was certainly very brisk with him.

I think the only answer is drugs isn't it? Which means we won't get him anything for probably 2 years.

In fact DS said to me the other day I wish there was medicine that helped me sleep.

Anyone have any other miracle tips?

I get melatonin from a website called biovea

Can one of you switch beds with him for a while and he shares a bed with the other? It sounds like he's needing comfort, I'd try to treat him emotionally like a younger child and focus on easing the anxiety rather than trying to fix the problems resulting from the anxiety as that won't solve the route cause.
Have school referred him for MH support? Many primaries have access to 6 weeks of sessions to support anxiety and behavioural struggles, it may give him and you some methods to help.

Melatonin is available off the shelf in the USA if you know anyone visiting there any time soon. Amazon US may deliver (we get some USA only products delivered to us in the UK via Amazon.com).
I tried it but it gave me really vivid dreams that I couldn't wake up from and I hated it so haven't tried again. But for some people it's a lifesaver and you only know by trying

Melatonin. Just a very low dose. Do your research and get advice that you are happy with, obviously, but it’s life-changing. I buy 1mg gummies from Piping Rock. Biovea is another reputable supplier.

Melatonin is the go to for ADHD sleep problems.

Your GP can prescribe it or you can source it yourself.

I have raised with school his dysregulation particularly when he was going through his I wanting to kill myself phase, which thank goodness has settled. It was more an impulsive I want to be dead rather than a permanent state of suicidal intent. Still very frightening as a parent to experience.

They give him extra support and I spoke to the school nurse there simply isn't the support or there CAMHS is overrun in my area.

But we do have BUPA so I'll see if there's any help that hasn't thought of that before so thanks.

Good point about emotional age in neuro divergence, I'll chat to DH about a plan he might not be keen as obviously the years of this have taken its toll on us and we are trying to work on our connection with each other, although settling DS issues will only help.

There's an anti-histamine that you can get which has a sedative effect.

Ask school about MHST (mental health support team)
It's only short term support, but it should be readily available. CAMHS is unfortunately extremely hard to get support from, but he should meet the criteria for MHST easily. They do 6 weeks of weekly sessions during school time either with or without a parent accompanying, and offer support on ways to regulate emotions and work through anxieties.

'We've tried everything from consequences for getting out of bed to sleepy tea, Nordic tricks such as warm the bed and open the windows so the room is cold, a cool shower before bed (DS idea), mediation, mediation story on tape, relaxing music, a story on tape, he has a night light projector and usually listens to music to settle.'

You don't seem to have tried the obvious one for me - co-sleeping. That helps with anxieties like nothing else.

Thank you is never heard of that, in all the years of supporting our children.

Melatonin also sounds like it's worth a shot thanks @Haggisfish3 @fiddleleaffig@PeopleWillAlwaysNeedPlates @fiddleleaffig , DD ( who is 17) and DH use it, have just got some both have ADHD themselves but haven't noticed a massive difference yet.

I've been worried to try with DS as he has a limited diet due to food aversions so is quite small as it is and I know melatonin can affect growth.

Bach Rescue Night Remedy helps me (anxious overthinker) and DH (ADHD) sleep. I would wake up 4/5 times a night until I tried this and now I sleep right through every single night.

https://www.hollandandbarrett.com/shop/product/bach-original-flower-remedies-rescue-night-liquid-melts-capsules-60007036?skuid=007036&utm_campaign=shopping&utm_medium=cpc&utm_source=google&&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAAD96OoJ9PZEHVIeFhzRRCyKiyvYTw&gclid=CjwKCAiA-ty8BhA_EiwAkyoa34oebQhtVa7R4KS9NtfJ7sSCTYIZH4yYbl9lS1Q5Z7KSfqBqQjftIxoC-78QAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

We did co-sleep until he was 3 or so with a co-sleeper then a choir next to our bed and do bring him in the bed when he's frightened. But good point we've not actively tried it.

We've probably not really given proper thought as he is a wriggler, always had been so is hard to sleep next to.

Funnily enough his sister was exactly the same, with regards to sleep, she's still up and down like a yoyo, so it does feel like we haven't had our sleep not interrupted for over 17 years 😴

Worth a go thanks.

GPs can’t prescribe melatonin. It will only be prescribed by a consultant or via a specialist sleep clinic. OP can ask her GP to refer but waiting lists are long.

Is his ADHD medicated?

Most adults I know with adhd strongly advocate for medication, it's not always a easy path finding the right med/dose.

Whilst it won't be a sleeping aid as such being better able to regulate himself during the day will naturally lessen some of the anxiety and may help him better utkse the other things you've already tried.

Have you tried a magnesium supplement? Holland and Barrett do children's strawberry gummies and It has made a huge difference to my child who has now stayed in his own bed every night for 3weeks having never ever done so before. It took approximately a week to take effect.

You can get a magnesium spray but this will tingle on application if your child is magnesium deficient (and most people are). Some children will tolerate the tingle but most with additional needs won't - interestingly after taking a magnesium supplement the spray won't tingle any more.

I will say that a friend and I started our children on magnesium at the same time with great effect for me but she has had to progress to melatonin for her child whose sleep deprivation was much greater and it has been (pardon the pun) like night and day for the child and them as a family!

GP can give a Melatonin (liquid or pill) prescription

They can't initiate the prescription. That has to be done by a specialist.

Once the specialist has initiated the prescription the GP can prescribe repeats under the guidance of the specialist.

His brain is on hyper alert aka survival mode. Either down to family instability or school induced stress like bullying in the classroom. Even if he is not a victim of bullying he will see others being bullied. This means his brain tries to stay awake to stay in a protective mode. When he does eventually sleep it’s unrefreshing sleep because the brain is not fully switching off. Executive functioning goes out the window because you can’t focus on survival and learning at the same time.
Personally i didn’t put my daughter on medication, I home schooled her. It took a year for her nervous system to calm down and we still have bad days.

@Happyinarcon I get what your saying and seen the affects of a poor school on one of our DD but nothing particularly traumatic going on with his immediate family, DH has been struggling MH wise (related to the patterns he learnt in his chaotic and traumatic childhood) at times which obviously will be exacerbated by lack of sleep.
He's popular at school and well liked. He does struggle to focus enough to engage with learning at times so maybe he's having to keep himself under control lots.

He gets lots of exercise after school we recognised when he was young he's a child that needs movement to decompress.

He's not medicated @icclemunchy we couldn't even get an appointment they weren't accepting anyone to the list when he was diagnosed.

I'll research magnesium @Drinkingteathroughastraw and try that.

Off to phone the GP and have an honest conversation about what they can support with.

The fact he suggested a cold shower and it was worse when he was ill, is exactly the kind of sensory seeking profile my ASD DD has.

All the things you've tried and suggested are things we (NT) think are relaxing, but my DD relaxes through proper exercise and proprioceptive input. She finds our type of relaxing frustrating, needs to get the fizzy feelings out. She knows when she needs a run or more exercise to get to sleep and is right. It's hard when they are younger and we think they are doing a lot of exercise but they can just be standing waiting their turn for a lot of it. The best thing about running with them is it's also a good way for them to talk to you, side by side, if there's an underlying worry on top.

There was a frustrating stage where she'd only tell us when it got near bedtime, but actually got more sleep if we spent 10 minutes walking to the park, 20 minutes running round it, ten back then straight to sleep, than faffing about trying to relax while she got more upset, that could easily see an hour pass with no progress.

So before drugs, I'd try really physically exhausting him! It can't do any harm and actually transformed my DDs life.

Thanks yes I've thought the same that he's very sensory seeking. Good idea regarding exercise in the summer we often take evening walks so we'll give it a go.

Melatonin is available over the counter in Spain and probably many other countries in Europe. If you know anyone going on holiday you could ask them to pick some up for you. Works an absolute dream

I have adhd and possibly asd. I find word games really help. I've been playing this game:

Think of a word, any word
Let's say the word is table
Now think of as many words as you can that begin with t
Don't over think it just whatever words float into your head.
Try to visualise it
For example teabag
I'm now picturing a tea bag, square, just out of the packet
Then move on and think of another word beginning with t
Truck
And so on
When you can't easily think of another word, move onto a.
And so on
I've very rarely got to the end and had to think of another word.

The other good one is guided breathing using a vibrating watch where you breathe in and out in time with the words.

Also a weighted blanket.