To have had enough of this life....

[boredsh1tl3ss]

Just as it says, bored of this boring tedious life.

I don't want to even be here anymore I feel like I cannot escape, I am trapped yet again with another child and bringing her up alone.

My stupid shitty choices in life have got me here AGAIN and I fucking hate it, never felt so depressed in my life. Crying all the time, no energy, no motivation, have the meh attitude. Single mum of 4 children and all my life consists of is cooking, cleaning, washing, changing bums and bottles. There's nothing to look forward too, nothing that excites me anymore and I just think what is the point of being here? Why was I even put on this earth, I don't want to parent anymore, I don't want to bring up my children alone anymore. Struggling with doing it alone constantly, my brain just doesn't want to function anymore my mind just clouded with shitty thoughts and I've never felt so alone in my life. One friend, family don't help or support me I just feel I should be six feet under. I just can't be bothered anymore I'm so done. 😔 my life isn't how I wanted it, everything is wrong and I hate it. I hate existing.

Contact your GP
Contact HomeStart

Children don't stay children forever.
How old are they?
Instead of dating now stay single, men and dating require horrible amounts of emotional energy and finances - keep those for yourself.

What do you enjoy for you? How can you incorporate that into parenting so you have something to look forward to?

I've been single for over a year and I'm happy being single I've not had very good experiences with men so that is the last thing on my mind.

Kids are 14,12,9 and nearly 2. All the GP will do is give me tablets and they work for a while then don't. It's pointless. Yes everyone says that they won't stay children forever but it don't stop how I'm feeling now and have done since having my daughter. I didn't want another child, took the morning after pill and went to have a termination but her father managed to guilt trip me and make me feel bad for even considering it and promised me he would help and support me which he lied as I'm here doing it all alone and if I'm honest I'm considering giving her to him full time because I'm struggling with constant broken sleep and how I am feeling he sees her bare min. Plus I don't do much with her because of how I'm feeling so she would prob be better off with him anyways. I suffered with perinatal and post natal depression before I fell pregnant with her I had plans I was going to university had got in and everything was going back to work and was slowly getting my life back but now I'm just back to square one and I fucking hate it.

What ages are the children, the nappy changing and bottle preparing won’t last forever.

As suggested, talk to your GP.

I hope things improve soon.

14,12,9 and nearly 2

Sorry, cross posted.

Sending you massive hugs and love.

You are doing a very hard thing, parenting four. I only had the one and lone-parenting was bloody hard work. But you are doing the most important work in the world, and you are irreplaceable to four little people.

Focus on really tiny things. A clean baby-bum is a thing of beauty and a joy. Hands going into warm washing up water feels good and is happiness in itself. Getting laundry done is an achievement and makes life better for the whole family.

Did you make 'shitty choices'? Well, we all did. Really. We've all done that. I've made bad choices and lost out through it, often through being scared (of admin work!) and disorganised. Tell yourself 'Well, I did what I could do at the time', forgive yourself and let it go.

There will be better times. To get through the bad patches, keep going and focus on the detail rather than the bigger picture.

edit: Just seen your children's ages - new challenges, with teen stuff. Hold fast to yourself and your role as mum. It passes.

I think your life is objectively really challenging and I would struggle a lot too. The age gap is very difficult because it's hard to have fun with the older children because you need to have the baby with you. So nothing feels like much fun.

I think you need to give yourself some grace for finding it hard and be gentle with yourself.

I'm aware what I am going to suggest is very difficult but maybe something to think about.

Can you find any spare money/ energy to do something nice with your 2 year old (a toddler group or soft play). Ideally you'll go with (or meet) another mum of a similar aged child. Adult company was essential when my kids were little. Just someone who gets what you're going through and someone to laugh with at how bloody boring and repetitive it all is.

How often does the father of your 2 year old see them? Would he be willing to have them more often?

He sees her every Thursday and then every other Saturday, nope he wouldn't he's not interested in seeing or having her more yet tells everyone he loves her and misses her. He works 7am -2.30pm 5 days a week and still doesn't choose to have her or see her. It really pisses me off

I don't really trust many people due to relationships and old so called 'friends' who have just mugged me off in the past. Soft play is boring for me as all I do is run around after her for hours and end up tired but not being able to sit down when home as I have 4 kids. Another thing I miss is being able to take it in turns with the other parent and not having to do it alone as I have been the last 4 years. But here I am....