How to talk to DC13 about self harm/mental health

[FridayPizzaTime]

DD has been selected to go on a training camp in the summer. She had a competition at the weekend and I noticed one of the girls had what looked like fairly recent self-harm scars down her arms. Obviously I am jumping to conclusions here and I know nothing about her except she's ranked in the top three and her dad often shouts at her when he doesn't think she's doing well enough. As it's very likely she will also be at the camp, I wonder if I should somehow bring it up with DD before she goes. But I've not a clue how to do this.

DD has also made a couple of comments about eating/weight that I'm still trying to figure out where they came from (school or the club/competition). I've been going for the "if you want to compete, you need to eat" line but I'm also feeling a little out of my depth.

Are there any good books covering these topics aimed at young teenagers? Or even a more general taking care of mental health type guide. I think it would be easier on both of us if we had something to read together and talk about and that she could read in her own time.

She will already know what self harm is and what eating disorders are from phse lessons at school, her friends and the media she's watching. So there'll be no need to explain it from the ground up. But absolutely start talking with her abour mental health. Talk about your mental health, or a celebrity's. Made it another normal thing to chat about, not just a single 'we need to have a conversation'. You can talk about your experience living though the 90s and 00s herion chic and Bridget Jones was fat nonsense. Let her know that she can talk about anything, nothing will shock you. That she doesn't have to be alone with her difficult feelings. You can show her that you're curious/ concerned about the girl you describe, if you've noticed she cuts, everyone at school will already know. Ask how your Dd feels about it. You can tell your DD you feel out of your depth and self harm is a difficult thing to understand from the outside and think about it together. You don't have to know the answers, because no one really does. But just talk and wonder and be curious in a kind way so your DD knows its a subject she can bring to you

Agree it's worth being open to discussion and letting her know she can talk about anything with you. I would not specifically start this conversation based on the cuts on the other girl. Your DD will be more aware than you think. Maybe start watching something together that deals with teenage MH issues in a fictional drama. See where it takes you.

Look at the Young Minds website, there's good advice and resources on there.

I'd try not to overthink it, just start a conversation, even if it's a bit clumsy she'll get the message that you are open to talking about these things.

I'd have probably remarked to my DD something along the lines of 'wow X's dad is a bit full on isn't he?'. Something open like that to start a conversation and see where it takes you - you may find she's already clocked the self harm or has concerns herself.

My dd is the same age. We have very open conversations about everything. She's told me that some of the girls in her wider friend group have self harmed and have shown her their scars. Have an honest convo with her about why some people do this and what she can do if she's ever worried herself.

My dd is also an athlete and has become more worried about her weight. Asking why she isn't skinny like her friends. My DD is lean and strong as are trains 5/6 times a week. I come at it from a nutritional pov- food is fuel, making good choices and eating protein etc.

My dd can be generally quite anxious and she is due to start therapy soon. Whilst it's not a massive problem now I want to try and get her strategies that she can use and hopefully nip it in the bud.