What to say to family member getting divorced

[hazelnutvanillalatte]

Hi, a family member wasn't at an event this week and I was told she and her husband are divorcing and they are now telling everyone. No one has done anything wrong, just grown apart, and it was her decision.

I want to send a message saying I'm sorry to hear about it but want to make sure it has the right tone. Any suggestions of a nice message would be welcome

I wouldn’t say sorry because that’s making an assumption she’s actually feeling bad about it. She might be flipping thrilled and is just trying to be polite. I’d say you heard that she and Bob are splitting up and you wanted her to know you were thinking of her, and ask her how she’s doing.

This is perfect. Hopefully she will appreciate that you are thinking of her.

Has she told you? If not I wouldn’t say anything, she may not want to think people are talking about her. If/when she does you’ll get an idea of how she’s feeling and how you should respond. When my brother told me I said something like “it sounds like the right decision for you” and he was so pleased I didn’t say I was sorry!

Having been this person a few years ago I think something along the lines of ‘I heard you and x are divorcing, hope you’re ok, always here if you need a chat’

don’t say you’re ‘sorry to hear’

But also agree that if you’re not close and she hasn’t told you that you don’t need to say anything. The worst was people just trying to get ‘the goss’

Definitely don't say sorry!
"Missed seeing you at event looking forward to catching up soon"
That's enough for now.

Just say something. It was very upsetting for me the deafening silence from h family when we split. I don't have any family at all so they were it.

This is great thank you. Avoiding sorry is perfect and I think this is where I was stuck feeling the tone was off - will send a thinking of you message instead.

I think the suggestion from @Meraleine is fine. Don't say sorry.

Separating from my ExH was fucking hard and I wish I had more consideration from family members.

@2025willbemytime I have not heard from Ex's family since we separated either. Very small family and I was close to my (his?) niece. 5 years later I still wonder if I am mean to get in touch with any of them. I've definitely not heard a squeak from any of his family (no PILs but siblings and relatives).