Considering adopting?

[seriouslconsideringadopting]

I’m not sure if I’m being daft. It’s been on my mind for a long time.

I’m mid 30s, no children. I have a couple of long term gynae issues that will likely make conceiving a child very difficult, and I’ve been told it might be challenging for me to give birth even if I could fall pregnant.

I’m not in a relationship, I’ve never had a serious relationship. I’m quite happy with that although I’d be open to it if I met the right person.

My dad was adopted at 6 weeks, and several relatives on his side of the family are adopted. My dad’s adoption was complex and a lot of hurt feelings over time - so I’m not going into it blind if you get me. My cousins are adopted (in early childhood) and similarly, I know they’ve had their challenges.

I do have a history of mental health stuff (anxiety), that are stabilised now, but I’m on long term anti depressants and probably will be for years to come. I had complex childhood trauma which did involve a lot of social work intervention including foster care. I’ve had a lot of therapy for that. Was under a CMHT for a while.

I work full time, in a role with a high chance of promotion and am already at a reasonably senior role.

I don’t know if I am being silly to even consider this as a single woman. I don’t know if I should think about it in the long term. I don’t know who to ask or talk to - I’d be worried my family would think I’m being daft. It’s obviously a life changing decision and I think even if I did want to try, it would be at least 5 years away I think.

Has anyone ever considered this? Can you phone an agency just to chat it through?

I've just Googled 'Adoption advice UK' and there are too many contacts for me to list.

Have a look when you get a minute and you should be able to get the ball rolling.

Thank you ☺️ I think there are a couple of things I would need to change first - I need to lose weight!, and I would like to learn to drive too, but I might try phoning some of the numbers and see if I can at least start the conversation.

I would love to have children of my own but that’s looking increasingly unrealistic and I do feel I could offer a child a great deal… hopefully one day.

I do know a single woman who has successfully adopted. She took I think 9/12 of work completely, and has adjusted her job role to make shifts more predictable and work hours shorter. She has a lot of family support. She is also absolutely bloody brilliant with children, and has a lot of experience working with children with extra needs. I think she is being an amazing mum, and is genuinely the best piece of luck her child could possibly have had, after a difficult start in life. But none of it is easy. Several years in there are still not infrequently emotional problems needing her to drop everything.

I have a friend who is fostering primary school age children, some fostering can lead to adoption, might be easier start?

A family member has just adopted as a single adopter. The child has been with her now for about three months and is doing very well, though obviously its early days. She went through a charity where the process is gruelling but prepared her well for the reality of the child's needs. She is a few years older than you - the child is also quite old (in terms of adoption) at aged 6.
Get in touch with agencies. You can start the process and back out at any time if it's not for you (and plenty of people do). It might also be decided by professionals involved in adoption that you are not suitable. The Childs needs (rightly so) are prioritised but can be a very bruising process where you have to look deeply within yourself and also develop a thick skin and that's a tricky balance.

I have worked in the adoption section of the Family Court and there is no problem with single people adopting a child/children - its not unusual at all. Every council has an adoption team and they would answer all your questions and if you decided to proceed would carry out all the required assessments.
I would mention that years ago when being a single mum was not socially acceptable many babies were put up for adoption just because they were born to an unmarried mother. Today most children are put up for adoption because the Court has decided that this would be in best interest of the child.