Do you ever get over the crushing loneliness

[Beebee30]

Of having no friends?

it’s my 31st birthday today, and it always seems to weigh heavier at times like this.

I have a lovely partner who’s making today special, I’ve had lovely presents, he’s baked a cake and we’re having a roast - my favourite.

Ive still got my parents so I’m seeing them and they’ve wished me a happy birthday already.

Family members have wished me a happy birthday, and my partners grandparents and aunty.

Im not alone by any means. But having no friends hurts so much.

I’ve never really had any, autistic and chronically ill I was in hospital a lot in my teens and was too ill to sustain university etc. so any school friends dropped away, and I’ve just never seemed to be able to make any since, not for the want of trying.

everyone describes me as kind hearted and thortful, I don’t really understand why nobody wants to be my friend.

I'm rambling now.

You have found a partner.
That's so much harder than making friends!
Have you tried hobby groups like booik clubs or choir
Meetups
Volunteering
Sports: parkrun or similar.

Happy Birthday OP🤗💐
Your DP sounds really lovely, making today so special for you!

I get what you're saying about having people around, but not friends to talk to and to share experiences with.
I can only suggest what PP also suggested, that it will take a bit of effort on your part to see what's available near you to join in or to volunteer at.
Somewhere where you'll meet others who have similar interests to you, or care about the same things you do.

It's hard to get moving and do this, but even being around a group of like-minded people will give you some happiness, a feeling of connectedness to others and will lift your spirits.
That alone will help, and in time, the chances are pretty fair that you'll gradually get to know people well enough to begin to think of them as friends.

Make that your birthday gift to yourself, to do something positive for yourself, get out there, have fun and make a difference to other's lives, you never know, someone else might be there looking for someone special to become friends with.

You have to put as much work into making and keeping friends as into.finding a partner, really.

Happy birthday OP.

I never had a lot friends but when I was younger had a few good friends. Due to the way my life has panned out I've lost them along the way . I've recently been given an autism diagnosis and that has helped explain my life long difficulties with social interaction.

I recognise the crushing loneliness feeling you talk about because that's what I get every Christmas. I get really depressed and find the Christmas period hard to get through. I don't get this at my birthday though.

It sounds as though you have a loving family and partner OP. Try to focus on the real positives of those who do know you and who obviously think really highly of you.

Do you want friends or are you wanting to conform to a societal norm?

If you genuinely want friends then you could take up a hobby? Having a common interest makes friendship easier.
Or join a meet up group. The people on these groups are looking to increase their social circle like you.
But also work on gratitude , focusing on what you have rather than what you don't have helps change your mindset for the better.

Yes, it is possible to get over crushing loneliness. Can't say I ever suffered it while having a lovely partner and two live parents though.

I haven't had any friends for about 7 years and I find I'm fine wirh my family and DH really. They keep me so busy I don't have time to meet up with anyone else, and I'm happy doing hobbies and other activities on my own as I'm content with my own company.

DH is my best friend and I chat to him all the time, but also do a lot of reflective journalling which I find to be more useful than talking over problems with friends (Ive always found they offer useless solutions as they aren't familiar enough with the situation).

Aww love, Happy Birthday 🎈

It sounds like your loneliness is from feeling like you can't have friends? That perhaps you don't feel likeable or something? Just because you've had challenges that have made it hard to make friends does not mean you never will.

You've got a partner who loves you. That's wonderful.

I keep I'm touch with friends by text mainly now because of my chronic illness. I also connect with people on FB groups around things I like or support for my illness. Perhaps this is something you might try? Or could you and your partner try and do something new together to meet new people? A sport or book club or walking group?

I've been chatting on my FB group this morning. Some of them are housebound. Some regular names are starting to feel like friends. Start somewhere. You don't have to feel like this forever.