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From what age did you know your child was gay?

40 replies

palomaAndCaesarSalad · 25/01/2025 22:48

Goodness me I don't even know where to start with this. I have 4 sons, all different personalities and different ages, my eldest is 28 and my youngest is 2, almost 3 years old, my first 3 were very different from my youngest, they all loved copying dad, driving ride on cars and wanting toy toolboxes, tractors etc, now my youngest dc likes to raid my makeup bag, loves to brush his hair, loves watching little girls unbox toys on YouTube, he's so sweet and loving and doesn't like spending any time around his older brothers or cousins, he is much more comfortable around girls xx

OP posts:
MyMyMySharona · 26/01/2025 00:17

Whooops. doesn't feel intimidated by.

cadburyegg · 26/01/2025 00:18

TobiasForgesContactLense · 25/01/2025 23:40

Whilst I think the OP is being a bit silly about the toys etc I am surprised no one has mentioned that statistically the youngest of 4 boys from the same mother is more likely to be gay.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fraternal_birth_order_and_male_sexual_orientation

Wow - this is really interesting, thank you for sharing

TyneTeas · 26/01/2025 00:20

This may help

From what age did you know your child was gay?
Sonolanona · 26/01/2025 00:28

I have four (adult) kids. Two straight, two gay!
DD1... not a girly girl, but nothing particularly boyish (looks like a ballet dancer). Absolutely gay, though she wasn't sure until she was about 14.
DS1, loved 'girls toys' makeup, dressing up. Now a married man with a spectacular beard and is an MMA fighter.
DD2.. girly girl. Still is.
DS2, I remember musing when he was bout 4 , whether he might be gay when he grew up, mostly due to his love of handbags. Turned out we were right Grin but he was not effeminate in any other way, it was just a gut feeling.
We knew...when they told us :)

DalzielOrNoDalzielAndDontPascoe · 26/01/2025 00:37

Surely, with the toy unboxings, it's the actual toy he cares about? The person unboxing it will obviously need hands, eyes and be able to speak to describe it (assuming they do this) - but other than that, it wouldn't matter if they were male or female, child or adult.

Just like a lot of boys will automatically reject books written by female authors, but the smart and sensible boys who have been brought up well will know that it's the story/topic and the skill in writing that matter, and the sex of the person who wrote it is totally irrelevant - unless it's a factual book about the personal experience of something that only females or only males can experience.

Crispynoodle · 26/01/2025 00:49

My DGS age 3 got a make up set for Xmas which he loves. I got him a baby doll last year with a buggy that he also loves! He is also mad about rugby and in a junior team where he won 'man of the match' the other week (yes I do know he's only 3!). He careered around a bmx track on his balance bike aged 1, learnt to ride a bicycle without stabilisers at 2 and now rides a mini quad bike with ignition. Who knows whether he will be gay?

Floralnomad · 26/01/2025 01:00

Our son liked ride on tractors , his brio train set and had a few quad bikes - he’s gay . Not sure a 2 yo should be on you tube watching anything being unboxed .

Tessisme · 26/01/2025 01:40

I knew my son was gay when he told me at 15 and not a day before. He always loved sparkly stuff and was drawn to pink and purple, had a dolls house and dressed his build a bear as Elsa from Frozen. He also liked making very realistic, working guns out of Lego and was mad about cars and tractors and rockets and Fortnite. In other words he liked what he liked. And I never ever suspected that he was gay based on his more stereotypical 'feminine' preferences any more than I might have assumed he was heterosexual for liking 'boy' stuff.

Tessisme · 26/01/2025 01:44

TyneTeas · 26/01/2025 00:20

This may help

That's brilliant!

ImagineRainbows · 26/01/2025 02:13

Oh wow, I thought I was a lesbian all this time but when I was little I played with dolls and make up and not cars and trains. Guess I was wrong! My wife of 18 years is going to be pretty shocked!

Ilovelurchers · 26/01/2025 02:17

OP, my initial response on reading this was that these things are just about his interests/personality, and have no relation to his sexuality.

However, in honesty I remember a conversation with one of my best friends, a gay man, who told me his mom knew he was gay when he was a toddler. I asked him why and he said something like, "I used to dress up in high heels and mince around in her feather boa". While there is a facetious element to this answer obviously (his humour is like that) he was also adamant that there was a flamboyant aspect to his behaviour as a toddler which enabled his mom to work out that he is gay.

And the interesting thing is, he is NOT a flamboyant adult. His dress sense is relatively conservative and certainly masculine; he works in an industry that requires stereotypically "masculine" attributes such as physical courage and endurance (please note I say TRADITIONALLY masculine - I in no way condone the view that these should be associated with men); other than a gentle, kind nature and an unusually tidy house, there is nothing about him that would not be seen as "typical bloke", and on a few occasions other friends or family who have met him at social occasions have expressed surprise when I later mentioned him having a male partner.

However, he is adamant that it is just the sort of thing OP mentions, that enabled his mom to work out his sexuality at a young age.

My now adult stepson was similar as a child, and is gay, and STILL keen on personal grooming, sparkly stuff for his room, and other traits people associate with "girliness" (tho he also likes cars and football, and other "boys stuff", too. )

His dad once told me about some weird bit of research he had read that suggested birth order effects sexuality in boys - something to do with the amount of testosterone passed on by the female. But though I am no endocrinologist, it's never been my observation that gay males lack testosterone, and I just wondered if the whole thing was a bit of a homophobic fabrication.....

What do any of these ramblings tell you? Fuck all really, based on my sample of two, except that you could be right, OP.

But the main thing is that it doesn't matter in the slightest. You may not know for a while. He may not know for a while. (Though I remember being conscious of my sexuality from a very early age. The two guys I mentioned above have always told me they felt the same. But many people also don't).

I would try to avoid stereotyping him in any way if you can. His tastes in terms of pastimes and interests will change and keep changing, as you know, being a mom of grown kids already. Make sure he always has the space to do that. People like to pigeonhole unusual kids in my opinion - he needs to have the freedom and space to follow more conventional pursuits when he is older, IF that is what he wants to do ......

VividBlue · 26/01/2025 14:29

ImagineRainbows · 26/01/2025 02:13

Oh wow, I thought I was a lesbian all this time but when I was little I played with dolls and make up and not cars and trains. Guess I was wrong! My wife of 18 years is going to be pretty shocked!

And I played with cars and trains, hated girly stuff and am most definitely not a lesbian. Go figure.
(As an aside had anyone asked me when I was 10 if I wanted to be a boy I would have probably said yes, but that’s another discussion for another day).

ImagineRainbows · 26/01/2025 15:25

VividBlue · 26/01/2025 14:29

And I played with cars and trains, hated girly stuff and am most definitely not a lesbian. Go figure.
(As an aside had anyone asked me when I was 10 if I wanted to be a boy I would have probably said yes, but that’s another discussion for another day).

Nope you’re clearly wrong and simply in denial. It’s a proven fact that toys are what determine your sexuality and not your actual sexuality 😂

Ladamesansmerci · 26/01/2025 15:34

He's 2. Toys are just toys to him right now. If he's gay he will tell you one day. Sometimes stereotypes are true, but often they aren't, particularly in modern times where it's socially acceptable to subvert traditional stereotypes.

I'm a lesbian. I came out in my early 20's and my parents didn't have a clue. I present very femme. Growing up I was animal mad. I was also a huge bookworm, and loved creative things like writing. As I'm adult, I'm into nerdy stuff like board games and DnD. What I'm trying to say is that you can't always tell. Especially now, as I think more kids are able to play with whatever and not face judgement.

Grumpyoldblonde · 26/01/2025 22:43

I didn't know until she told me. A very girly, girl into fashion, beauty, extremely feminine, liking male pop stars etc. Nothing to suggest she was gay but she is and there we are. She has an equally feminine girlfriend and they're a wonderful young couple.

I was a real tomboy when young and if not for societal pressure I may well have never picked up a lipstick or worn a dress but I'm absolutely straight.

We are who we are and that's it.

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