I'm trying not to be bitter and miserable

[Pikola]

But I'm struggling.

2024 saw me hospitalised with a suspected heart attack, that was ruled out but I was sent home with 4 new medications all with side effects. I was then diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. I was already suffering from anxiety but it really ramped up and I got so bad I had panic attacks regularly. I work from home full time long hours and still struggle a bit financially. My beautiful dog died and my dad died in August after a very traumatic 6 months in hospital

I am jealous of my friends who work part time. I have in laws who are seriously wealthy, going on amazing holidays and we can barely afford a cheap week away despite working full time. They have good health and always seem so happy and full of life, I envy them.

Comparison is the thief of joy but I just feel so downtrodden. I'm only 43 but this last year has broken me and I just don't like being around them now as I feel miserable and that they think there's always something wrong with me. Trying to be more grateful and positive for what I have but it's hard.

I should add I have a sister but we aren't close and I have a lovely partner

You're struggling for entirely understandable reasons -- you had a parent and a pet die, you had a brush with death yourself, and you're dealing with a chronic illness. I would just do whatever works best to preserve your peace of mind for now. I had something taken away from me last summer (not as serious as yours, but a central plank of my life was suddenly gone), and I just withdrew from the world for a bit, and chose not to see people much. I can feel myself starting to emerge, but it's taken a good six months, and I'm not there yet. Be kind to yourself. I'd also really recommend therapy if you can find someone you gel with. It's one of the best investments I've ever made in myself.

Honestly - allow yourself to be bitter and miserable for a while. You have had a really bad period in your life - you don't have to pretend to be cheerful. Give in to your negative emotions, it will be cathartic, and you'll start to feel more positive naturally, when you are ready to.

What a shit time you’ve had, I think it’s normal to feel a bit bitter and miserable. It’s hard to see friends and family having a seemingly easy time of it when you’re fighting in all fronts. Give yourself time to feel your losses - including your health - and do things for you, that make you feel good, where you can. It would be wonderful if we could all just sail through life’s trials with good grace but that’s not how it works most of the time. I’m sorry things have been so hard for you.

And yes, absolutely to the last two posters -- let yourself sit with the feelings of unhappiness and loss. There's nothing wrong with you, or those feelings. The first intensity of them will pass in time. You don't owe anyone pinging right back into Mary Poppins-style cheeriness, and you will alleviate some of the burden on yourself by not castigating yourself for feeling as you feel.

I hear you OP. I've had a horrendous two years health wise which has been life changing; at times I wished I'd never had treatment. I still have some simmering anger and bitterness towards certain people and it's hard to let it go.

However I've used some of those feelings to make some positive changes, it's been tough and I realise I'm not the same person as I was two years ago.

Keep your chin up 😊

I just want to say I get it. I’ve lost both parents and my husband has both his parents AND a grandparent. I do get bitter, especially because we both don’t like his parents and they treat him like rubbish.

rightly or wrongly I get it