ADHD in boys: did you always know?

[6yomum]

If your son has been diagnosed with ADHD, did you always suspect it or did it come as a surprise? Especially with impulsive/hyperactive type?

DS is 6 and struggling in school, had some issues with social-emotional development in Reception and I wanted him to repeat the year, but school said no, he’s age appropriate, he’ll benefit from more academic challenge in year 1 and being with his peers. He’s one of the youngest in his class. However, this year has been quite mixed, he does alright academically (reading far beyond level, average in maths and spelling) but still struggling socially. Whilst the other children are turning 7 he’s just turned 6 and seems to tick lots of the boxes for ADHD: wiggling in his chair, able to do work but loses interest, impulsive with classmates (he asked whether he could help another child tidy up, she said no and he kicked her. Not hard or violently but the child don’t like it obviously and this feels like impulse control thing?) He frequently feels left out in class and other children call him an idiot. He was also bullied last year and his confidence took a dive.

It seems he’s a completely different child than a year ago, never had problems in nursery school and at home always has loads of focus for reading or puzzles or Lego, dotes on his baby sister, etc. Though in the past couple months also begun to have some tantrums at home, we thought due to not having a good time at school but maybe it’s actually ADHD? He does have other traits at home, like if I ask him to go get dressed, and check on him 10 minutes later, he’s gone to his room and is playing instead of dressing, but I thought this was a normal 6 yo boy thing? He’s not impulsive on other settings and seems to get on with other children in afterschool club, scouting, swimming lessons, etc.

This has become long winded but I’m wondering if your child with ADHD has always shown signs, or whether the diagnosis came as a surprise and it seemed to appear out of the blue.

Almost everything youve described is ‘normal’ 6 year old behaviour. BTW, kicking another child for no good reason isnt ‘impulsive’, it’s aggressive and a purposeful action.
By your way of thinking, every boy in my Reception class has ADHD.

My DS does have ADHD, it shows itself all the time, not just in some settings. The behaviour you describe sounds very much like an average 6 year old, although it could indicate ADHD too. Does he have a lot of screen time? This has a huge affect on impulsivity and emotional regulation, keep screens, particularly fast paced, clip type programs to a minimum.

I would be speaking to the school frequently about what they are doing to help your son. No one should be calling him an idiot. Does he have friends there? Could you arrange some playdates to strengthen some bonds? This would also give you an opportunity to see how he is with other children up close

If you're feeling like ADHD is a possibility then speak to the school about having him referred. Round here from first speaking to school to getting an assessment takes approximately 36-42 months so it would be worth starting the process so that if as he gets older you become more certain then he can have a diagnosis and actions plan in place before he goes to secondary school. If you do choose to do this then I would strongly suggest you ask for an autism assessment as well, 50-70% of people that have ADHD also have ASC.

@Soontobe60 thabk you- yes I realise it is violent to kick (it’s obviously not allowed in our home!) but I meant it seems to come from an impulsive place of frustration (the other child said he was dumb and she didn’t want him to help her tidy up, he said he asked nicely and was upset that she said no and excluded him). I suppose I meant he doesn’t go around kicking people or trying to hurt them, it’s come up when he feels scared or frustrated.

@Thatsinteresting thabk you, yes, this is one of the things I’m wondering about, he doesn’t seem to show many behaviours outside of school. Waits here are quite long too, and school seem unhappy with his behaviour, but we are wondering what to do in the meantime. If this is normal behaviour, why are the school just punishing him and not addressing other children calling him names?

Dinner time has been a struggle lately, getting up and down from his chair and wiggling, but he doesn’t do it at lunch or breakfast. I thought maybe it was a tiredness/end of day thing but maybe is some neurodiversity. For screen time: he actually doesn’t really get any. We don’t have an iPad or a telly. If he’s unwell and home from school he can watch movies on my laptop and sometimes (a couple times a month) will watch a short children’s programme (not the fast paced clip types). We go to the cinema as a treat every couple of months. And they do watch films at school from time to time. But other than that, he’s never had any screen time, doesn’t do computer games or use our phones ever. Hes quite attracted to them, for example at a museum he’ll want to do whatever involves a screen. But he’s quite happy and motivated to find a project at home to start (drawing, lego, reading, a science experiment set) and can entertain himself well, so we’ve never really introduced screens.

How are the school punishing him? They should be discussing the impact his behaviour has on others with him and while a punitive punishment has its place, missing a whole break time for example, benefits no one. If you have spoken to the school ask to see their behaviour and bullying policy and if you're still getting nowhere, ask to speak to the governors.

If he has so little screen time that is excellent but would mean that they are not influencing his behaviour, so maybe, yes, neuro diversity is a possibility. I would definitely push more with school to come up with a plan for your son together and in the mean time consider getting a wobble cushion for home and school, many young children have them and our grow them but find them helpful for long periods of sitting

DS was diagnosed with ADHD age 14. His behaviour was like that in reception and at that time it was just like every other child that age. The difference is that he didn’t grow out of it when they all did. So a hyperactive 14 year old who can’t sit through an entire lesson and tends to wander into the traffic because he has lost attention for where he is does rather stick out.

To answer your question, I didn’t suspect neurodivergence when he was little, but I have a very neuro diverse family (kind of only recently appreciated how diverse!) and DS fit right in. But a few teachers and child minders did suspect. In the end DS actually diagnosed himself after a class on learning disabilities in school one day, he was 11.

I would say yes he showed signed from a younger age. He was walking at 10 months, he had a febrile seizure at 18 months (which some studies have linked to adhd) he didn’t sleep through until about 4. He’s a very fussy eater and struggles with textures. He also can’t cope a lot with clothing labels and he needs them all cut out. Some materials he refuses to wear, and has done since a toddler. He also chews his neckline/sleeve and has done since a toddler. He hasn’t been able to sit through a whole movie until very very recently. He never would have watched one at 6. He fidgets but it’s more constant movement, like shaking his leg while he sits or tapping etc. He’s also now developed a very slight tic, which I’m told is common in 50% of cases of adhd. So yes, there were signs.

Agree with others that your son’s behaviour could be a normal 6 year old behaviour and you need to have symptoms in more than one setting, and those symptoms need to cause problems in his life.

My son was diagnosed at 9 after the school suggested it was a possibility. I would speak with the school and see what they think. I asked them for a few years if they felt it might be worth exploring and they consistently said “not yet, let’s see how he goes,” until last year when they came to me saying we should explore a diagnosis.

I would say my son gets on socially very well with everyone. He’s never been violent but has had an angry outburst once, he punched the tv in frustration and broke it. He mainly does silly things, like trying to wee in a sink at school, and is more of a class clown. I don’t think having problems socially necessarily implies he must have ADHD. My son has combined type ADHD.

At this age there really is a big difference in the youngest and oldest in each year group, so perhaps he’s struggling more because he’s the youngest? I would speak to the school about the bullies as they should be sorting that out regardless.