Help me find the energy to look after myself!

[Healthynow]

hello, currently being wiped out by yet another cold, and feeling very run down. I’m a carer and realised anything I do self care ish for myself - take a vitamin, make a cuppa, becomes less of a treat and more of a duty by the time I’ve made one for the person, and Usually DH .
today I tippy toed into the kitchen to make a hot chocolate Just For Me. This isn’t good is it? I can feel my mental health beginning to slide. I JUST want a holiday and we can’t have one because of this person ( relative). And budgets.
Please share your tips to get a bit of energy back quickly, so I’ve got the energy for self care! I know it’s take a vitamin pill etc, but I need motivation somehow, I’m sooo knackered!

Well I’m not going to say take a vitamin pill, I am going to say get outside into the fresh air as often as you can during the day- even if it is only for ten minutes. I find it helps to take a walk at quite a quick pace.
The great thing about walking is that there is no cost and you can do it anywhere and almost any time
You don’t say who it is you are caring for and what time commitment that involves- perhaps if you gave a bit more information others might have more suggestions

Unless it’s your husband you’re carer for perhaps he could take a turn in putting the kettle on 🤔

Thanks both.
Im looking after FIL. Hes ok, but it’s the interruptions to my routine that are doing my head in. I need to focus on my stuff - I’m trying to set up freelance work and then fit in everything else, but by the time I’ve helped him with an email/made lunch/..silly boring things, I find my brain gets bored and then it’s really difficult to focus on my stuff.
im in danger of putting my stuff last again - like I did when the kids were small, and I am so over looking after people.
eviebeans I took your advice and did an hour of gardening, you are right, WHAT a difference mentally.
Thank you!

Why are you bearing the brunt of caring for FIL and not your DH?

because he is working full time and I’m not. He is very lucky that I am trying to establish a free career that means I am at home.. but it also means I am not getting anything done. He does help when he gets in - they watch footy and chat, but that means I cook dinner, and I don’t want to sit in a room where football is on.

Sister in law is here for a week. I am afraid I just told her that I am so over caring for people. I don’t want to care for her father. And then her toxic mother in law calls. I don’t answer. I went to bed last night and suddenly got a text off MIL. It just said,..’hello healthy now’ omg. Like a horror film. There is no escaping these people.
so a friend said, what you are doing is mad and beyond the call. can I run it past you and see what you guys think?

I get up at 6 to take DH coffee. Drink coffee in bed with DH. Go into kitchen, start unpacking dishwasher etc, FIL comes in, is just THERE. Eats standing up, washes his bowl. Which is nice and all but aggh! Stay out of the kitchen till I wake up/ teen has gone to school.
day progresses, interrupted by various questions - I can’t find my email/ we’ve run out of kindling/ an I help ?
I make elevneses and lunch or he won’t eat, he was virtually starving when he arrived after a heart attack in October.
I find and take him to one or two classes a week or he gets bored and depressed. He will spend HOURs looking at his laptop and being stressed. To be fair, it’s a huge change for him, coming to live with us.
The day seems to go. I find the interruptions make me lose where I am - I already find it hard to focus, now it’s impossible.
DS comes in from school, hides in room. DH comes in, chats to his dad while I cook. Dinner. Then I sort of tidy kitchen, usually leave it till the morning. I’m a bit tired by now. DH and his dad watch footy, they will watch something else if I want to. DH is aware that he’s just putting footy on to help FIL relax. I’m aware that there is always this stressed looking goblin in the room. He is occasionally funny, and he is caring and nice, but he is just hunched up and frowning with habitual stress. It makes it very hard to be around.
Im also pissed off because when my mum had dementia, DH was all,’Oh I’ve been seriously ill, nearly died and just been made redundant’ all true and very awful for DH but it’s making me resentful now.
I don’t want the emotions of SIL ( getting divorced) MIL (moody and manipulative) FIL ( stressed by MIL and just constantly THERE) and DH ( trying to be understanding of my viewpoint, but I JUST DONT WANT THIS)
grrrrr.

That sounds like a very stressful situation! How long is he expected to be with you for? Is it permanent or is there an end in site?

I presume he and MIL are divorced?

I don’t have any wise words really, but I did want to say this but really resonated with me:

realised anything I do self care ish for myself - take a vitamin, make a cuppa, becomes less of a treat and more of a duty by the time I’ve made one for the person, and Usually DH. today I tippy toed into the kitchen to make a hot chocolate Just For Me

Tomorrow I have a very full and stressful day of work while working from home, but for once everyone else will be out. The sheer LUXURY of being able to make myself a cup of tea in the morning, and a sandwich at lunch, and only having to make my own!!!

Awww seagull I know! It’s mad isn’t it, but yes, the sheer luxury of JUST thinking about your taste in sandwiches and not thinking about someone else, and whether they like cheese, or just thinking about them at all. Totally sympathize, enjoy every minute of tomorrow!
thank you for asking, he is in theory, going to move into a house nearby. But I’m not sure how that’s going to actually work.
his wife is in a home and we can’t persuede her to move nearer, and quite frankly I no longer care.