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Don't really feel alive after 65..🤔

60 replies

wavingfuriously · 24/01/2025 21:01

Any reasons to be cheerful that you can think of ?

OP posts:
ViciousCurrentBun · 25/01/2025 02:12

If you are cared for and have someone to care for, whether romantic or platonic that’s what makes life good at any age.

OnGoldenPond · 26/01/2025 14:19

millfree · 24/01/2025 21:30

I sometimes wonder if it is almost kind of looks based? If you look in the mirror and still look "young" and / or vibrant then that affects your self image and your vision of yourself and your life and future whereas if you look "old" then you feel like you don't recognise yourself and you have the constant visual reminder that time is running out. I suppose this is why many over 40 - 50 lean into fitness for that vibrancy.

Well, personally I am leaning into fitness to avoid being dead as long as possible! I've let go of any idea of trying to look young and I feel a lot happier for it. A happy smile, keeping as fit and healthy as possible, and wearing stylish clothes that I like are all achievable and do wonders for your mood. I am revelling in being able to do what I like without the fear of male harassment now that I am old and invisible.

CulturalNomad · 26/01/2025 15:41

I've let go of any idea of trying to look young and I feel a lot happier for it

There is so much wisdom in that one sentence! Stop chasing after youth. You can be vibrant and attractive at 50+ but you cannot be young; those days are behind you.

Find something that gives your life purpose and resist the temptation to become too self-absorbed. Learn something (anything !) new. My 80+ neighbor taught herself to crochet by watching YouTube tutorials. Show an interest in other people and don't be a bore by moaning endlessly about your own problems. Don't isolate yourself.

I'm in my 60's and overall am happy and content. The biggest challenge for me is that I'm starting to lose people that I shared so much history with. They are irreplaceable and navigating grief and loss without succumbing to depression takes a lot of conscious effort.

Lentilweaver · 26/01/2025 15:47

My mum is 80 and has a fantastic life travelling, learning music,gardening, meeting friends and family.
She works very hard on her health and os fitter than many 50 year olds.

millfree · 26/01/2025 17:19

OnGoldenPond · 26/01/2025 14:19

Well, personally I am leaning into fitness to avoid being dead as long as possible! I've let go of any idea of trying to look young and I feel a lot happier for it. A happy smile, keeping as fit and healthy as possible, and wearing stylish clothes that I like are all achievable and do wonders for your mood. I am revelling in being able to do what I like without the fear of male harassment now that I am old and invisible.

Well my point was that when people feel that chasing after a youthful appearance is a lost cause then they sometimes lean into fitness as a way of feeling vibrant. Its as good a strategy as any.

OnGoldenPond · 26/01/2025 18:01

@millfree if by vibrant you mean feeling healthy and happy, I entirely agree with you. That's quite distinct from trying to chase after youth, which is a futile aim that only leads to unhappiness.

AmusedMaker · 26/01/2025 18:13

Ikwym op.
I’m nearly 62 and life holds very little excitement anymore.
My children are grown up with lives of their own, my dh is retired with numerous health conditions so we rarely go anywhere these days.
I just miss the chaos of a busy family life when my kids were little.

millfree · 26/01/2025 18:26

OnGoldenPond · 26/01/2025 18:01

@millfree if by vibrant you mean feeling healthy and happy, I entirely agree with you. That's quite distinct from trying to chase after youth, which is a futile aim that only leads to unhappiness.

That is what I mean. However past a certain age people may tend to age at different rates due to genetics and lifestyle so some will look younger for longer than others so will perhaps take longer to get to that point.

Lentilweaver · 26/01/2025 18:32

AmusedMaker · 26/01/2025 18:13

Ikwym op.
I’m nearly 62 and life holds very little excitement anymore.
My children are grown up with lives of their own, my dh is retired with numerous health conditions so we rarely go anywhere these days.
I just miss the chaos of a busy family life when my kids were little.

Go on your own? Can DH be by himself for a few days?

AmusedMaker · 26/01/2025 18:42

Lentilweaver · 26/01/2025 18:32

Go on your own? Can DH be by himself for a few days?

Yes, he can be left on his own but I’m so used to going places with him I feel a bit lost on my own.
I know I have to make more of an effort and maybe join groups etc, and I will.
it’s just an adjustment I wasn’t expecting to make at 62.

Definitelylivedin · 26/01/2025 18:43

I know you didn't ask for advice, but have you had your vitamin D levels checked. I felt like that a couple of years ago, bloods showed a severe vitamin D deficiency.

Taking it has made a massive difference.

Lentilweaver · 26/01/2025 18:46

AmusedMaker · 26/01/2025 18:42

Yes, he can be left on his own but I’m so used to going places with him I feel a bit lost on my own.
I know I have to make more of an effort and maybe join groups etc, and I will.
it’s just an adjustment I wasn’t expecting to make at 62.

I got married at 24 and have been doing at least 1 solo.trip a year since then. Still married, nearly 30 years now and very glad I kept that up so I have something of my own that no one can touch. Something separate from my family.
Do go away on your own so you have something to look forward to.

whatisforteamum · 26/01/2025 18:48

I'm 58 OP and still have a full-time job with a 3 mile walk daily.
I do weights and dress in colour as black or navy can be depressing.
I'm worried about the 62 yr old me as my DH is older and sedentary.
Currently DIY gardening keep me occupied.
I think a sense of pressure and purpose helps to keep spirits up and helps with self esteem.

LostittoBostik · 26/01/2025 18:51

Fordian · 24/01/2025 22:54

I'm 62.

My get up and go did that thing at 50, with menopause.

Yes, I've been on HRT since then.

But, honestly, I have lost any zest for life. I just can't be bothered. Hobbies I loved seem too much faff; travel (of which I've done a lot in the past) seems like a hassle, especially if it involves flying.

I work 'bank' in an easy enough job, I have a good DH, DSs still at home, one working, one post uni but still unemployed who I'm a bit worried about. I have some good friends, I'm not isolated.

I'm overweight, but I don't do much exercise, tho I know I should.

I don't think I'm depressed as such, and I also know a GP wouldn't take me seriously if I even suggested my flat mood might be 'more'.

Others listing their 'blessings' doesn't help!!

I think the exercise is the key.

I'm 20 years younger and already struggling with perimenopause issues including joint pain and exhaustion. I know the key to maintaining my health and happiness is to fit in exercise - my problem is that I have work and 2 young kids and literally no time to myself.

AmusedMaker · 26/01/2025 18:51

Lentilweaver · 26/01/2025 18:46

I got married at 24 and have been doing at least 1 solo.trip a year since then. Still married, nearly 30 years now and very glad I kept that up so I have something of my own that no one can touch. Something separate from my family.
Do go away on your own so you have something to look forward to.

Thank you. You’re so right.
just reading your replies has made me feel more motivated.

I could live another 30 years so need to do something.

RunnerDown · 26/01/2025 18:54

I’m 62. I am going to the gym for the first time in my life. I’m so happy not having the stress of work. My dc are independent and it’s lovely to see them getting on in life. I have friends I go out with regularly ,, and I can holiday whenever I want.
I don’t look so great now but I do feel able to finally wear the kind of clothes that I really like - I don’t care if no one else likes them.
I am lucky in that I have a good pension and no problems with my health. This is a different stage in my life, and like any other stage there are good and bad parts. But I am enjoying it

WomenInConstruction · 26/01/2025 19:01

LostittoBostik · 26/01/2025 18:51

I think the exercise is the key.

I'm 20 years younger and already struggling with perimenopause issues including joint pain and exhaustion. I know the key to maintaining my health and happiness is to fit in exercise - my problem is that I have work and 2 young kids and literally no time to myself.

Same.
Would love to go away solo but in my family of four none of us have been away for a break in a decade (except staying with family which isn't a break really since it involves too much family politics to be restful) it would be awful to do that.

Lentilweaver · 26/01/2025 19:04

WomenInConstruction · 26/01/2025 19:01

Same.
Would love to go away solo but in my family of four none of us have been away for a break in a decade (except staying with family which isn't a break really since it involves too much family politics to be restful) it would be awful to do that.

Why? Can you and your partner not take turns with the kids?
Sorry to bang on but I think a yearly bit of solo travel- or more- is the key to aging well.

ThinWhiteDuker · 26/01/2025 19:07

Thought it was a new version of All the Young Dudes, by Bowie.

BunnyLake · 26/01/2025 19:17

I’m in my early sixties. I have lots of reasons to be cheerful. I’m a cancer survivor, I brought up my two children alone and they are both lovely adults. I’m looking forward to the end of February for the lighter mornings and evenings. I’m retired so my days are my own, even though I don’t have much money, my freedom is priceless and I intend to enjoy it for a long while. And most importantly I live without a man in my life nowadays and it’s bloody wonderful.

FoxInSocks25 · 26/01/2025 19:22

That you didn't die in your 30s.

SereneCapybara · 26/01/2025 19:24

So many tiny reasons to be cheerful. I honestly think the art of enjoying life is to appreciate the small stuff. In the morning I wake up and brew fresh coffee and heat and froth milk, Then, whatever the weather, I go outside and feed the wildlife and take a moment to look at the sky and inhale the air and feel the breeze on my face, hear the birdsong, check out how nature is doing this season. Then I put on some music - usually gentle piano but sometimes lively rock, and stand by the kitchen door watching the birds come down to feed while i drink the coffee. It's a gorgeous start to every day.

I take pleasure in choosing the right product for a bath - depending on my mood - herbal or lemon verbena shower if I need to feel energised, radox salts after the gym, rose oil if I want a long soak while I read a book.

I love going for a walk and spotting how the world has changed - trees in bud, bluebells or primroses and crocuses coming up in the woods, or autumn leaves and mushrooms, or a frost. Or ducklings in the local pond, fox cubs checking out our garden. All the turning of the seasons.

I love seasonal activity too - building up a log fire and chatting around it with friends, or just staring into the shifting flames if I am alone (or just into a candle flame) Cooking stews and soups in winter, making elaborate salads in summer. Reading ghost stories, curled up in bed in winter or lounging on the grass reading a classic in summer.

I love spotting weird and wonderful things going on in the world around me. I once saw a guard get off a train at Clapham Junction, run up to the platform assistant, spin her round and they waltzed for about 30 seconds before he hopped back on, she blew the whistle and off they went. Stuff like that makes me so happy.

Can you just add a few sensory pleasures to each day - small things - but focus on them. Choose some music to put on when you wake up or as you prep dinner. Think what you want to drink first thing - fresh coffee, iced juice, fruit tea? Pay attention to what your body wants - a stretch? Fresh air? Fast exercise? A long bath? Be particular about what you watch on TV. Choose programmes that amuse you, inspire you - favourite old films and comedies, or intriguing documentaries. Not too much doom and gloom crime.Make a list of things that used to bring you joy - from childhood to recently, and do them again. Make a list of things you always thought you'd want to do or try before you die - even if right now you don't care about any of them - at some point you did - and do some of the easiest ones.

Connect with the community in a way that you feel makes a genuine difference, whether that's joining a litter-picking or community gardening task force, or helping at a food bank or building a little library from an old cabinet, putting it in a busy area and filling it with books you don't want for others to take.

Bit by bit, the texture of everyday life becomes richer. I have to make an effort. My natural inclination as I get older is to reach out to no one, stay home and watch whatever rubbish is on TV. But this month I have made myself travel hundreds of miles to visit family, been out to theatre and dance shows, done dry Jan, met up with old friends, booked a holiday, been on some gorgeous walks. It would have been easier just to lie on the sofa when I'm not working, watching TV. But I do a lot of that anyway, and it is the rest that brings joy, not the same-old, same-old.

VonHally · 26/01/2025 19:27

I'm 67 and I'm very content at the moment with life. I was the only one I know of who didn't get any kind of cold/flu/virus/covid this year (so far!). Everyone else around me were dropping like flies but even though I was in close proximity it didn't hit. Not out of the woods yet though so fingers crossed. I did get all the vax though including pneumococcal, and very glad that I did that in good time. That has made me very upbeat about lots of things, naturally.

I'm lucky in that I don't have any major health issues and my joints are fairly supple still, so walking is very easy and I do it often. Getting out in the fresh air even if it's not far really works for me. I struggled financially when at a younger age, but am secure now and my pension is very generous. It's payback time for the sacrifices I made to load up the contributions. Going away to a warm climate over Christmas and New Year and into January is something everyone should try. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea and not everyone can afford it, but it certainly works for me. It is money dependent I know that, but I don't have an extravagant lifestyle at all, but I do make sure I don't deprive myself of food, heat, and social connections.

I don't have all the answers but good health is up there for sure, and I'm lucky that I have that so far anyway. I don't take HRT.

WomenInConstruction · 26/01/2025 19:32

Lentilweaver · 26/01/2025 19:04

Why? Can you and your partner not take turns with the kids?
Sorry to bang on but I think a yearly bit of solo travel- or more- is the key to aging well.

In our situation there has been zero travel for a decade not because we didn't feel like it, just that finances are very tight.
If money was found for travel it would need to be shared equally to be fair. We might manage to go away this year, but there certainly isn't enough for a trip for me, a trip for him and one including the kids. I couldn't have a nice little trip away when the kids can't even remember their last holiday!

Lentilweaver · 26/01/2025 19:40

WomenInConstruction · 26/01/2025 19:32

In our situation there has been zero travel for a decade not because we didn't feel like it, just that finances are very tight.
If money was found for travel it would need to be shared equally to be fair. We might manage to go away this year, but there certainly isn't enough for a trip for me, a trip for him and one including the kids. I couldn't have a nice little trip away when the kids can't even remember their last holiday!

Edited

Fair enough.
I am just thinking that even a day trip on your own from time to time is good for busy parents. With free things like a museum or art gallery. Basically feed your soul.

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