Does anyone else find their marriage utterly utterly boring.

[Sososi]

I have been with DH for nearly 16 years and we have 3 dc ranging from teens to primary. We've had alot life struggles and have come through and after kids were born things have been very very busy and life just sort of passed me by. Now kids are older and don't need me as much, I have found that ok utterly bored of my life and find myself regretting marrying him.

A typical work day is him coming home, eating what I've made ( he never cooks), clearing up after bimselft and then spending the rest of the evening with his iPad and headphones on. He doesn't spend time with the kids, never really has to be honest. His main chore in the house is the washing and ironing. I bear the mental load, all life admin, even DIY stuff is primarily me sorting it out.

I have read that to try and think back to what made me attracted to him to rekindle the love. TBF I was very young and naive and embarrassed to say that due to having very low self esteem I married the first person that came along and my standards were pretty low. (I remember my dsis telling me that she didn't think I'll ever find anyone because I wasn't really a good catch and and I believed her)

Fast forward now and I just feel sad really. Things aren't horrendous but they there's no joy, no love. I am so lonely and crave attention, a conversation, a joke. I dread to think what life will be like when the kids have flown the nest and I'll have absolutely noone to talk to. I find myself daydreaming another life with another man, I notice other men too, how they are with their dcs and wives and get a pang of envy along with sadness of my reality.

Is anyone else going through anything like this?

Oh hear hear although my DH is much more actively involved in kids life and home life. To live with he is lovely but does nothing fun or social, doesn't like going out and when we do it's always with the kids to the same safe places he likes. He doesn't want to do anything with my family or friends and I've given up making excuses I just say he's not coming. I holiday without him. He complains ALL the time and is very negative whereas I'm very much glass half full.
I was 17, naive and had a low self worth and stayed put, I've never dated or travelled or lived alone.

No, I married a good one. I mean, I have moments of wanting to murder him, but he's still interesting, and does far more around the house than I do. We've been a couple since the early 90s, and also got together very young.

But that's of no help to you. Is there anything there worth rekindling? Does the idea of being single excite you?

Do you have friends and people you can talk to outside the home? You sound a little isolated but maybe that's just how you've framed your post?

My first marriage was like this, It lasted 3 years ... couldn't get out quick enough. My 2nd marriage couldn't be more different. We laugh constantly, socialise, chat about so much crap and now the kids are older travel to exciting places. Can't wait to grow old with him and we've been together 26 years 😁

Mate.

Fuck that. You can't live with that. Make some harsh decisions

Well, get some hobbies outside the house, sport, etc. Go and do them. Take the kids away on a trip. He can stay home.
Fill your time. He will either join in or not.
If not, at least you'll be busy and living life.

Why would you stay in such an unhappy, unfulfilling marriage? Don't waste a minute longer, start planning to leave and build the life you want.

I love my dh to bits, but I do worry about the empty-nest years! My dh is great with the kids to the extent sometimes I’m the one left out 😆

We don’t have a lot in common - although we both enjoy travel in Europe (he likes the driving; I like the destination!). And we both enjoy food (he loves wine, I am a closet foodie). So there is a good chance we can find some things to do together.

Meantime I’ve cultivated friendships and activities I can do without him. I feel “whole in myself” and I think that is really important.

Most of the best and many of the worst bits of my life have had my dh along for the ride. He’s there for me through thick and thin. So I can put up with a bit of boredom at the mundane parts of life. Of course sometimes I could cheerfully run screaming from the house - in 20 years, I’m sure most couples have there moments - but I wouldn’t be without him.

So OP - pep up the excitement in the rest of your life and find yourself some great friends - invite them round for drinks, film nights, board game nights and meals and your dh will either have to vamoose or join in.