Do autistic traits fade and return in children?

[Marcellos]

DS is on the waiting list for an autism assessment. At 3,4,5 I thought there were some noticeable traits - very routine focussed, e.g. had to go the same way home every day, lots of massive meltdowns, we couldnt go shopping as he'd get really upset, couldn't have food touching, found transitions between activities very difficult.

So the GP referred him and we're on the lengthy waiting list, probably another 18 months to go.

But he's now 6 and has really chilled out the last 6 months or so, he's still quirky and has odd mannerisms but he has friendships which he is appropriate in, he's more flexible. He can still get a little anxious about what's happening and timings and might occasionally find transitioning from one activity he's focused on difficult. He's really bright and is being challenged appropriately at school. I don't know if an assessor would spot any signs. School say he's fine.

I wouldn't have asked for a referral based on his current behaviour.

So from people's experience, might this be a patch of calm, will everything resurface at some point, or did I jump too quickly to my suspicions of autism?

Definitely get him assessed. Social demands ramp up massively as they get older. Things often don't become a problem until secondary school. The waits for support are so long, the sooner you can get him assessed the better.

Considering the waiting lists I don’t think you jumped too early; it may be that they were age related behaviours which have since calmed. While we were waiting there were times when I wondered if I was mistaken but it was times of uncertainty and change that showed me I was right and also thinking about how much I’d done to make life calm and predictable

Autistic children have ups and downs and change and develop over time.

Oh, I plan to keep him on the waiting list, it does just make me question whether I got it wrong as whether when we get there the assessor will just think we've overreacted.

It is probably that he's coping well at the moment and that we've adjusted too so he finds life a bit easier.

Bumping for any other experiences.

Think of it like a sound mixing desk. The little knobs go up and down a lot over time.

You say they are fine at school, do the school support the referral? Is he on the SEN register?

I was told when the assessment happens I need the referral to be supported by my child’s teacher, the school SEN co and home but this requirement may change depending on location.

Yes this is a very common pattern. Towards secondary transition you may see difficulties spike again. Having said that being autistic doesn't just mean challenges - lots of strengths too so if you've adapted the environment (possibly unconsciously) and he's happy and relaxed that's great.

for many people, autism is really just about how we bump up against the world. When we can control the situation, we don’t have as many issues.

This is why an adult can seem so much better adjusted. We haven’t outgrown our autism. We just get to set the rules in our own home. We have a job that suits our personality. We get to choose how we spend our time. It’s only when that status quo is disrupted that other people can see the symptoms manifest.

if your child is doing better it is likely because you are doing better at parenting the child you actually have. With ASD kids it’s very important to set up your home in a way that works for them. If you stick to some set of arbitrary rules, they will struggle. You may have done it without even noticing, just observed what your child needed and made it happen.

As a neurospicy adult I think we learn strategies to soothe, regulate and mask right from the get-go. Sometimes they work and sometimes they don’t!

edit - or what @Ponderingwindow said better above!

He may just be learning how to behave like the others, as expected by his teacher. Masking, in other words.

I was diagnosed as an adult and worried that even if I was autistic, they wouldn't be able to tell because I had learnt to be a fully functioning adult, job, house, marriage, kids etc. I brought that up at my pre-assessment chat and they said that experienced practitioners know what they're doing and will not be duped by masking or 'correct' behaviour.
Sure enough they saw all kinds of stuff in me that I hadn't clocked and neither had my family, but made perfect sense to us afterwards.

It can be a weird thing, autism. In the right environment where demands on the person are low it can almost not be a problem. It's still autism though.

Children have ups and downs and change over time.

It was early in reception that we asked for advice. We filled out forms and the school did, the NHS accepted based on this and as far as I'm aware this means he will be assessed.
The school forms indicated no real issues, he is very compliant and a rule follower, and is very bright, so he started school reading, and is brilliant at any puzzles, for example, he can do grown up Lego sets, plays chess. I sometimes wonder whether his puzzle solving mind means he's learned the rules of basic socialising. I'm not sure how he'll fare as this becomes more complex.
But at school he is well behaved and can coast, they only thing they said recently was that he does any school work as quick as he can get back to whatever fun thing he is doing (model building usually).

The OP was specifically asking about autism though.

Hopefully someone with more knowledge will come along and advise. If the referral came from the school I believe that means they support it. As I said, I needed a statement from my child’s teacher who listed the behaviours they had observed that pointed to the condition. It had to be supported by the SEN co otherwise (in my case) the school wouldn’t refer.

It wasn't school that referred, it was the GP. He used to be fine in school but then he could have a massive meltdown on the street outside about getting in the car on the 'wrong side' because I'd parked it 'wrong'. But as I say, these behaviours have very much faded away.

DD becomes 'more' autistic when she's stressed, under the weather, got hay fever etc so her negative autism traits are harder to control and she gets overwhelmed far quicker and it becomes noticeable.

When she's calm and in good health she's absolutely fine and you'd never know she was autistic so yes, if he is settled and happy and the demands on him are within his coping levels then that's absolutely possible.

My DS is 9 and still awaiting an assessment but pretty sure he has ASD. His quirks seem to fluctuate - sometimes his verbal tics disappear but our home is more stressful than usual currently and we are out of routine and they have ramped up.

If you currently have a settled routine and you have worked out what he needs then you have see less of the obvious behaviours.

If you can afford it why not get some speech and language testing done now - that usually picks up if there is a spiky autistic profile / communication issues or issues like taking things literally etc. At age 6 the education is suited to autistic children (lots rote learning & memorising they often excel at), more structure than in nursery and boys social skills arent usually that complicated at age 6. Other conditions can look like autistic traits eg he sounds very like a friend of DS who had traits of autism but had a dyspraxia diagnosis. He was very gullible and took things literally and would explode if other kids wound him up (which they did to get a reaction). So keep on eye on friendships as sometimes quirky kids arent good at realising other kids intentions and frankly are just too nice and trusting. They can become a target for bullying. Language and social skills become alot more complicated as they move up the school.

Definitely get him assessed. I was in such a patch of unsure about my daughter around the time of her assessment, but a month after, for a few months, she's been in a more disregulated patch and been needing more support. I'm glad I held my nerve as I was really starting to doubt myself, and right now if I'd cancelled our appointment I would have been kicking myself.

You may struggle to get him assessed if school are reporting no issues. Your request may be declined if there isn't more evidence of issues in school.

However, I think he may be masking. He's managing ok in primary school and probably enjoying the time he can spend on puzzles and lego etc if that's his thing.

The danger time is Secondary School where the pressure starts and the masking becomes too exhausting.

I think there's a risk that school are just seeing an intelligent child who is academically doing well and following rules. That's exactly what school wants from a pupil. They're missing the subtle signs of rigid rule following, hyperfocus on special interests, potential masking to fit in. If they did refer him for assessment though that would indicate someone noticed enough to support the referral.

And yes, in my experience autistic traits do increase and decrease according to the situation and environment.

Are there any downsides to a diagnosis?

Hi,

Just wondering what you're hoping to gain from an assessment confirming asd?

Any additional needs in the meantime can be supported in school/at home.

Afaik a diagnosis is just that, no further support offered. Would love to be corrected though.

Not being able to join the military and some Countries don't allow migration. I'd imagine both circumstances could potentially be assessed on a case by case basis if you appeal. You should probably declare it in travel insurance but I never have.

Traits can disappear if they are not autistic. In fact many toddlers have autistic traits because they haven't gained the skills yet eg both my DD's had similar development until 3, by 5 my non autistic dd was rapidly gaining the social skills, conversation techniques etc whereas her sister did learn some of these but at a far slower pace.

My gp friend is quite clear that autism is rarely diagnosable under 6 unless it's very profound (my own dd was diagnosed at 2)