I hate being so negative

[delilabell]

I've had a horrible time of it this past year. I've had a breakdown, huge trauma and lots of other things.
My parents are so negative (I'm 42 BTW!) And so when in with them and with my dh and children I am so positive because I don't want to hear my parents negativity and also I don't want my children being like it.
But I've realised when in at work I'm negative. Theirs so many people I moan about to my friends (at work) I grumble my way through the day. Yesterday a colleague was saying which of the 7 dwarves we'd be and they immediately said grumpy! In gutted.
I feel overwhelmed with the negativity in the world (trump etc) , I hate how I look, I was sexually assaulted and really struggle with the sexual violence and sexual hatred in the world.
I don't know what to do to stop myself from being like this and rebuild people's opinions of me.

Solidarity! I seem to do nothing but moan at work, and I start every working day determined not to be that person. If you find the answer , let me know.

Other people’s opinions of you aren’t what you should be focusing on, but your own well-being and sense of self. It sounds to me as if you would benefit from therapy with someone good, especially in dealing with the consequences of your sexual assault. (I hear you on the performative cheerfulness thing, too — my parents are such catastrophisers I spend my whole time around them saying ‘It’s COMPLETELY FINE!’ When it’s anything but.

I hear you. I feel like negativity is almost an inherited trait (nature or nurture?) And, like you I have to make a concerted effort to not be negative. I think at work the only thing is to not let anything negative come out of your mouth again! Very hard though..

Thanks for the replies. I had 5 months of specialist sexualnassault counselling which actually helped a lot. 😬
The It's fine! Is totally me!!!!