Need a break from work. Is this OK?

[Illbefinejustbloodyfine]

I'll try to keep it brief. I have a lot going on. Mid divorce from controlling, coercive husband. Separated several years, never had the strength to go through with it. Its taking its toll, he continues to be obstructive abd harasses me.

Work - public sector with chaotic service users. Chronically short staffed. Full time case load on half time hours. Stressful, brought up many times that I'm struggling to keep up, no response really. The last 4 weeks have been awful. Ex really ramping up harassment. Service user died. Multiple cases of domestic violence (which I found very very difficult. "Triggering" for want of a better word).

I am anxious, nauseous, upset stomach
Tearful - crying a lot. Can't get to sleep. Can't wake up. Headache. Struggle to concentrate/remember things.

I've been off a week (work have NOT been in any way supportive). I really can't face tomorrow. I feel like I should be able to deal with it but also just really need a break

Do I just ask tye GP to sign me off? What if they won't? Should I just "get a grip" and go in?

Call the GP and ask for a fit note.

You can't carry on like that - you'll make yourself really unwell.

Stress is really harmful for your health and you sound really weighed down with it from all angles.

Yes, as above. Get signed off. Sounds awful.

That's it. I am weighed down. I can cope with sone of it, but not all of it. It's like a perfect storm of shit.

Work is hard. I love my job, have done it for years. I'm good at it but no one could do what they're asking of me at the moment

You'll be so much better if you have a proper break.

Put yourself first for once

Go straight to the GP tomorrow hun, tell them what's going on and get yourself signed off

As much as I suspect you like to help people, you can't pour from an empty cup. Work will find someone else to cover, they always do.

Do take care of yourself, get some rest and rebuild your strength for this divorce. Don't speak to him directly if you don't have to - your sanity and health is the most important thing ❤️

I still don't know what to do. The idea of going into work , seeing colleagues, and dealing with clients, fills me with dread. I dont want to be like this.

That level of anxiety is a genuine illness. Stop feeling guilty about trying to do something to treat it. Talk to your doctor, take some time off.

It's okay, you don't need permission from someone else.

Your body is telling you what you need to do. Rest. You can't cope with shit at home and at work for any length of time.

As a manager I'd say I'd want you to talk to me, get the gp appointment first if yo7 need to. But tell me what's up.

@BigDahliaFan my direct manager is brilliant. The one above , not so much. It makes it so much harder.

I think there's two things OP -

1. You are unwell from all the stress in both your personal and professional life and you need to be signed off to recover - and for more than a few days!

1. Once you are more well, you need to take serious stock of whether this a role you can continue with your lived experiences. I.e. is it the added stress of divorce making it unmanageable at present, or is it that it's just beyond what is realistic for you with the life you've lived moving forward?

I work in the same or a very similar role and have to accept there will always be high work loads, abuse, trauma - that's the job. I think all of us in these roles probably have to accept there's a time limit on how long we can safely and healthily live with the vicarious trauma.

To add - point two you can't do now. You have to be out of the exhaustion and overwhelm before you can really make those reasoned assessments.

This.

It sounds like you need a month off and THEN to think about if this role is right for you anymore. You can still make a difference in a different role. After your length or service and personal experience, it may be time to step back from the front line.

Do check if your employer has a domestic violence policy, as there may be special paid leave available. But right now you’re entirely reasonable to go off sick.

@IdPreferProsecco I usually say I can cope with the job if everything else is OK. But the job gets "worse" every year that passes. Every case is complex, chaotic, muliltiple agencies involved. There's no relief. I've often thought I should look into a change. I need this divorce out of the way first.

You’re not a probation officer are you? This sounds all too familiar except the divorce on top of everything else. Definitely get yourself signed off for at least a month, you need to prioritise yourself 🥰.

No, but we work closely with probation. Social services etc.

By the time I got through to the Drs, they had no mire appointments. The receptionist (lovely) took my details and said hopefully the Dr will fit in a call back to me

I had this same experience. It was awful. I took just a few weeks off sick and then lasted 6 more months in the job. I was broken and had to leave to protect my own health. I'm feeling better now but it's taken a long time. Divorce is so stressful when it's with a controlling and manipulative person. Mine took 4 years 😫

@SicilySue I'm sorry you've had the sane experience.

I struggle with work I think because it's in my nature to want to help people whereas my hands are often tied, or I have colleagues who are somewhat lacking in empathy and life experience. There's a constant drip drip of "smaller" issues (dealing with difficult scenarios daily) plus the bigger, traumatic events that happen from time to time.

I need to give it sone serious thought..

Definitely take proper time off.
Learning to prioritise our own health is important.

I took a day off last week because my mh has spiralled recently and I'd spent a few days struggling in a very dark place, I knew it was far from ideal for work but I need to put my health - my sanity - first. Work is still pretty shit in the aftermath, but taking that break meant I got myself into a place where I can cope with it better and it was the right thing to do.

You have so much going on, if you keep struggling on in the work situation you describe then work will get worse and so will your health. It's better for your health and your security at work to take some time off now and look after yourself.

I've been signed off for 2 weeks. Didn't get to speak to a Dr, but had to send a message with my "issues" which had a very small character limit. Felt like I couldn't explain myself at all.

At least that's two weeks now, giving you time to book an appointment and write your feelings down x

Two weeks gives you a bit of breathing space @Illbefinejustbloodyfine

If it's possible at your GP surgery, book an appointment in advance for around 2-3 days before the Fit Note expires and ask for another note if you still feel unable to return at that point.

Your manager, while you may think they're great, should have recognised and acted on the signs of stress by completing a Stress Risk Assessment (SRA) with you and putting an action plan in place to try and minimise your stress, particularly at such a difficult time in your life with going through a divorce.

You mentioned that you are in the public sector. Are you a Trade Union member? If so, contact your local rep and get them on board to support you through the absence and the SRA process.

You may also want to consider asking your manager to refer you to Occupational Health, to request, for example, for your role to be modified/caseload reduced for a period of time to allow you breathing space.

As a public sector employee, there 'should' be a domestic abuse policy/procedure. Ask your manager to look into this for you.

Look after yourself @Illbefinejustbloodyfine Don't let the guilt of not being at work seep into your rest and recovery time. Focus on your needs for now.

Thank you. It's a new manager, I've been months without one, and then before that, 2 or 3 years of a completely useless manager. So I have done a stress checker with my manager and she referred me upwards, had a meeting with a senior manager who sayd she's refer me to our wellbeing person and....nothing. That was, I want to say, early December.

I've had daily contact with work this past week which hadn't helped.