Hi all, I feel confused and depressed, as I feel like I'm stuck in a rut and l'm not sure how to move forward.
I am a 31 year old British woman living in London, in the U.K. I love living in London and I am lucky to have a stable, reasonably well paid job I enjoy with colleagues who I get on well with. However, I have been finding it difficult to make the most out of living in London on my salary over the last couple of years.
I would like to progress further in my job this year, so I can earn more money and try out a new opportunity.
I would also like to buy my first home this year, so I can have stability and I can have stability and somewhere I can settle in. I realise that when I buy a house, my living costs will increase, due to needing to pay a mortgage and billd (I currently rent), however I have put in quite a lot of effort to work out how I can manage this cost increase. Having a new and better paid job will help with that too.
The final thing I would like is to get into dating and to have a partner. I feel stuck as I am not sure which of three things to focus on first or how to prioritise them.
Out of these three things, finding a partner is the one that scares me the most. I have never had a partner, partly because of not feeling worthy of having one and not feeling lovable throughout my teenage years and most of my twenties, although I have dated a bit. I am also scared of the prospect of entering an abusive relationship.
However, I realise that if l'd like to have a partner, l need to be proactive and to deal with the fear I am feeling, especially if I want to have children in the future, which I think I do. I have had therapy in the past, which has helped, but I don’t think I need - or can afford - further therapy right now.
The main things worrying me about dating and having a romantic relationship is how to manage this fear I have in an ongoing way as well as fact that I am inexperienced romantically and sexually. I am also unsure about the best way of getting into dating, as whilst dating apps have become the main way of finding a partner or casual dating. I am not sure they are for me. I have used them in the past, but I don't like that they are based so much on photos and first impressions.
I should probably make my social life more interesting and well rounded, as I think that will help with this, but I need to work out how to manage that so it doesn’t get too expensive, and I also want it to be enjoyable.