Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

First anniversary of death

5 replies

Petergriffinschins · 21/01/2025 09:07

My dad died a year ago today. It was a fucking awful death in a shitty, grotty care home, 3 years of dementia, 3 years of battling for his care, trying to and failing to get another care home to have to take any accountability for abuse he suffered there. Three years of stress ending in a horrific death where I had to fight yet again for him to have any shred of medical care and dignity. Then months of stress after sorting out probate and every other fucking thing you have to do, all alone, because it was a world of shit that only I could sort out, yet again.

All on my own as we had no other family and all his friends ran for the hills when he became ill never to be seen again.

I don’t have any close friends, my husband can be shit, I told him it was a year ago today and all I got was “oh yeah, that’s gone quick.” Believe me, if it had been one of his parents he’d still be wearing black and wailing.

I don’t know what I’m looking for from this post, I just wanted to say that it was a year ago to anyone rather than sit here alone.

My 4 year old woke up in the middle of the night shouting, “Grandad is in my room! He’s dead, tell him to go back to heaven, I’m tired.”

She’s an odd little things, she was fucking fuming about it this morning, shouting at the sky, “Jesus, tell him to stay there and not wake me up again” Which did brighten my day a bit.

OP posts:
Frostine · 21/01/2025 09:11

I'm the only person that remembers the anniversary of my parents death , it does upset me , but over the years I have come to the conclusion it matters to you , and that is enough . Sorry for your loss .

Petergriffinschins · 21/01/2025 09:15

Frostine · 21/01/2025 09:11

I'm the only person that remembers the anniversary of my parents death , it does upset me , but over the years I have come to the conclusion it matters to you , and that is enough . Sorry for your loss .

Oh yeah, I know, no one else should give a shit really.

I mean, my mum died when I was a child, I couldn’t tell you what date that was if you offered me a million pounds on the spot.

This is just so much harder as it was so shit. My mum slipped away passed out on morphine in a hospice. I sat with my dad as he fought death for three days, unable to move or speak, but obviously in horrendous pain, it was horrific , especially after the hideous 3 years he’d had.

OP posts:
heldinadream · 21/01/2025 09:15

You fought for him. You are (still are) a wonderful daughter. Your little girl sounds a treasure! You're a wonderful mum, too.

Sending a big hug OP. 💔

unmemorableusername · 21/01/2025 09:31

I'm sorry you've had such an awful time of it.

tresleches · 21/01/2025 09:48

I have very bad memories of my dad's death and four years on it makes it hard to mark the day in a meaningful way that remembers him and not his death. A year is very early on in terms of grief for a parent, do whatever feels right and that includes feeling ambivalent and then having a mini breakdown in a few days' time. It's not easy, but now I've read your post I'm remembering my dad and your dad today.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page