How do I stop breastfeeding?

[Softycatchymonkeys]

I’ve got a 3 year old girl and an 18mo son. My son is a terrible sleeper. He sleeps with me in the main bed, dp sleeps with our daughter in the other bed. I’m breastfeeding him at night, because it’s the only thing that gets us through the night. He won’t sleep without it. He calls “mama mama” if he doesn’t sleep, and demands my breast.
I want to stop but how do I do it without severely distressing him? I’m working 3 days a week. It’s affecting my health (I have dodgy shoulders which I’m seeing a specialist about this week)
I know people will say just stop doing it, but it’s not that easy. I feel like we’ll go from little sleep to no sleep.
Help! It’s making me miserable. I want my body back.

I feel for you, stopping breastfeeding is a complex time. Above all you have to think your son would prefer to breastfeed to sleep but he doesn't need to, but you need to look after yourself, physically you are struggling and a lack of sleep inevitably impacts on your parenting. Can you go away for a weekend to break your son's association of bed time and breast feeding? Is there someone who could help DH? Or can you be 'out' at bedtime - I would take myself for a walk around the block while DH took care of bedtime when we stopped. Plus you don't have to go cold turkey. Is he feeding at all in the day? Can you drop all other feeds first and then tackle the bedtime one?

Can you go away for a couple of nights with your older daughter? He would have to start getting used to it if you aren't there.

@Scribblydoo Thanks very much for your reply. I don’t often breastfeed during the day, though every now and then he’ll become tense and cry and headbutt my chest which means he wants a feed, so I relent as I can see he’s upset. Normally, during the day, he’s an utter delight. A very happy boy.
We don’t have any family close by to help unfortunately. Though I’m getting a bit desperate so I might have to try the stay away for a weekend thing which will no doubt mean dp has a hellish couple of nights.
I now totally understand why having close by family who can help is one of the biggest flexes in parenthood

He needs to get used to seeking comfort from you or anyone else which doesn't involve BF. Stories, hugs, talking, playing. Agree with PP, go away with your older child.
Ultimately there is not way of doing this that won't involve some distress. You have to be prepared for that and stand firm.

It is tough. I like @SprigatitoYouAndIKnow suggestion of taking your DD somewhere. Plus you can talk to DS that you will go away and when you come back no more feeds. Can DH start a new bedtime ritual like a warm drink, brush teeth stories and cuddles/back rubs before bed as the association of physical closeness while falling asleep is still part of the breastfeeding experience so you don't want to try to break too many in one go.

I am by no means an expert in this, I stopped feeding my DDs at 3 so if you can do this in less than 18 months you're streaks ahead!

I saw a nature documentary where this lioness snarled at her cubs who were trying feed and totally felt like 'yes sister! I feel you'. You're a person (or lioness) not a milkbar. Children do learn they can't have everything when they want it, they just don't like it and make sure you know that!

Thanks very much everyone
I think I’ll take my daughter to stay with my mum and dad for a weekend and leave dp with our son. I need to do something here, because I can’t carry on like this

If a success story helps, I have an 18 month old who was feeding back to sleep every 2 hours, all night. I also was reluctant to change things because if I didn't feed him back to sleep would he just be awake for hours?
I had to go away and he slept in the same room as my Dad (mattress on the floor) for 4 nights. He woke up as regularly as normal the first night but accepted a cuddle or bum pat from my Dad and went straight back to sleep. By night 4 he slept through.
When I came back I thought we'd be straight back to normal but it's been a week now and he's slept through twice more, on the other nights he's had just the one feed and otherwise slept 12 hours. I obviously can't say it would work for all babies but I'm really happy with the progress we've made.

@Softycatchymonkeys please keep us updated on how this goes. I'm in the same boat with my 16mo and want to stop. I went away for work when I stopped with DC1 and the cold turkey approach worked well. However, he was also happy taking a bottle, whereas DC2 absolutely refuses a bottle so it's always been boobs. I'm so fed up now and just want to stop.

@Softycatchymonkeys how did it go? Did you manage to wean yet? In the same boat, just did my own post and came across all these others.