To honestly never know what it feels like to be put first.

[neverfirst]

Events recently have just had me reflecting that I have never truly been put first and it hurts.

My parents only had me and my sibling who is disabled. As a child, I always knew they should come first and never questioned it. This meant I never had a birthday party, I never had friends to sleep over or come for dinner, never went on a holiday. Any happiness we could have had was taken by one of my parents one way or another.

They weren't all bad, I did have things and there were some happy times, but I couldn't wait to leave home. I moved out as soon as I was able.

Even now as an adult, my DM will still say to me my sibling will always come first, and it's actually so hurtful. It honestly makes me feel so alone and all I have in the world is my DH and DC. I know she is there, but it's very much limited.

How do I go about dealing with this? Do you think would help?

I empathise with your post OP - I feel a bit like this myself.

I think the only solution is to do what Americans do and get some really good regular therapy and stay in therapy for years and work through our issues. They have some good ideas sometimes, the Americans.

I have started to put myself first, so at least there is one person occasionally putting me first lol!