Cost of children’s parties

[WhenTheyComeForYou]

Now, I realise this may come across a bit tight but OMG the cost of children’s birthday parties are crazy!

Ive been planning a class party for my soon to be 6 year old. He’s intent on having a class party and I can’t see a way to make it cheaper than £400/450.

• Hall for 3 hours (covers party and 30mins set up and clean up) £70
• Entertainer £250
• Food and drink £75 (sure it would be more if I added berries and pushed the boat out - I’m not)
• Party bags £50 (2 small toys each and some sweet bags).
• Balloons, tablecloth, cups, plates, banners £20

Can’t do a home party as our house isn’t big enough for 30 kids + parent.

Could do a smaller party but my child doesn’t have a set friendship group yet and would like everyone to attend.

Could potentially share the party with someone but I don’t know anyone well and I’d personally find it a bit awkward. We’ve only been to one shared party.

Ive toyed with having it outside but the weather is unpredictable.

Im personally not keen on just having a bouncy castle in a hall, those parties have fallen a bit flat in my experience and I can’t entertain 30 kids on my own, I just can’t.

We’re in a cost of living crisis yet we’ve been to loads of parties in the past 6 months.

How are people affording this?! £400/500 seems so much to me, or am I being tight?

Does anyone have any fun and cheapish party ideas that have gone down well?

Colour on. Build a maze. Put stickers on. Stack them and make a tower. Make castles and playhouses with doors and windows. Junk modelling. Endless possibles 😁.

I know you want your LO to have a great day but young kids don't care how much money you spend.

I had birthday parties in halls, home, bowling alley and if memory serves, I loved them all. I also enjoyed going to other people's parties wherever they were held and whatever activities we did. Apart from one, which had a clown and I screamed and I cried and I hated him!

My point being, it didn't matter where the party was, or what the decorations were and I've no idea what presents I received. I just remember having fun, being with my friends and taking home some cake. That's what it's about when you're little.

So maybe try and cut back where you can and if possible, rope in some friends and family to help entertain the kids with party games and music etc.

Feed the birds at a park. @Piccalow? Or save them all to go in your own party bags next year 😂 Seeds should last 2 years in a sealed packet.

@Psychologymam The 20 not invited really don’t know! The majority aren’t coming. Since when are friendships inclusive of everyone? What about dc who cannot come? There are those who decline. It’s just a modern way of thinking that no dc can be disappointed. We had no idea, mostly, when other parties were being held. Best of all, no one cared. We were busy doing other things, as were many dc.

I can tell you what wasn’t fair - class singing happy birthday to term time birthdays and forgetting all the summer holiday birthdays. Not thought about them at all. My DC went to a few parties and we had dc back. How are people affording £hundreds on parties in deprived areas? It beggars belief that this level of money is routinely spent.

We’re in London and have had entertainers at parties for 3 years now and we’ve never paid more than £180 for 2 hours. £250 sounds extortionate, unless they were also providing food and party bags too which yours is not.

You don’t need to do a whole class party though if you are balking at the cost. Quite a few parents in my DC’s school only started having parties for their kids when they got to around year one when friendships had been formed and parties could be smaller - before that they just did family days out instead of a party. No one would judge you for that doing along those lines.

Also, who has a private party for DC because a school says it must be inclusive and include everyone? That’s beyond anything a school has responsibility for and I was a school governor. What do you do if your child actively dislikes another child due to bullying? Invite that child or ditch the inclusive instruction? Parents sound like sheep.

It was me who said we didn’t have whole class parties 30 years ago in state schools. I’m in a pretty expensive area not far from London that’s not remotely deprived, but no one did this. Treats for a few of dc’s friends was normal for boys (football tickets) and girls had a friends to a small party. Nearly all were in the home but there’s no flats. Occasionally 3 parents got together and hired a hall. They are £25-£30 an hour here now. So cheaper 30 years ago. Few parents stayed. Only parents of Sen or not confident dc. Many had other things to do than hang around at parties. 29 whole class parties each year is such a waste of parental time having cheese and nibbles. Sounds like Motherland on steroids.

I can see why school would be loathe to have the invites handed out in the classroom if just a few children were not invited, surely that's what they mean rather than attempting to dictate that everyone has a whole class party? I do think personally if inviting over 2/3rds it mean to not invite everyone when they're R/Y1.

It’s not really - our school asks that we invite everyone in class (or all boys/all girls) in terms of being inclusive.

Not inclusive of children whose parents can't afford, or don't have space, to entertain 15 children, is it. Do they just not get to have a party?

Way back when I was primary age a party would be 5-6 friends at home, traditional party games with small prizes, party tea and cake. I think we had party bags, but can't remember what was in them. Very small cost overall.

No parents ever stayed. My dad had a car when many other parents didn't, so he would drive guests home to save parents having to come out to collect.

One of the best parties on a budget I had was the last whole class party I arranged for DC. January birthday so money always tight but that year particularly so. I remember being very stressed by it all.

An entertainer simply wasn't an option on my budget so I decided to embrace the cheap and cheerful and pretty much recreate the 1970s style party.

Food was cheese and pineapple on sticks, mini sausage rolls, etc. followed by jelly and ice cream. Kids loved it and it was cheap.

Games were pass the parcel, musical statues, pin the tail on the donkey (have two boards if large numbers of children so they don't get bored waiting for their turn), balloon relay, duck duck goose, etc. To be honest, the idea of it made me feel a bit sick - I have never had aspirations to be a children's entertainer - but because these old games have a clear purpose and actions the kids need to do, all you're really doing is giving them a bit of a steer - it was surprisingly easy really.

Party bags from pound shop, along with packs of mini crayons and mini colouring books and small bubbles, also from pound shop. Added a balloon each and some cake.

The whole thing cost less than £130, including cost of hiring the village hall (£30), although admittedly it was more than a decade ago.

What started as a party on the cheap as a necessity became something of a hit and set a trend for the next few parties! Funny how things work out.

Good luck!

Ah see it's a bit different at my child's school as each year group has 2 classes. Parents will generally send an invite into the WhatsApp chat and invite all the kids from the year group. In this scenario I politely declined, the invite was for 3 kids who are in the other class ( and also were last year) so my child hasn't really mixed with them much. That's the only joint party we've had an invite for, it doesnt seem to be the done thing here so I was curious how the presents situation worked.

DS1 and DS2 both have Jan birthdays. For both I arranged just 5 of their friends each. Food at home inc homemade cake then out to the trampoline park. Even that was £200!

25 years ago and certainly 50 years ago more people had a stay at home mum to plan and execute a home party. Now it's mostly a stressed out mother who works full time who needs to outsource these things. It is what it is OP. If you want to broaden his friendship group, don't have the capacity to entertain them yourself, don't want a party bag full of sugar then this is the cost.

Many mums do not work full time. I guess they need the money to pay for dc’s £500 parties. Years ago they worked to pay for holidays. DC don’t need everyone and 20 dc don’t need to know there’s a party for 10. There just seems to be rushing headlong into vast expense and it absolutely costs too much for many.

This is why I'm avoiding doing kids birthday parties until mine is old enough to ask for it.
I probably wouldn't bother with the party bags tbh, but I'd also probably say that presents for the birthday weren't expected as well.
I would probably make some sandwiches myself and do a bit of fruit & crisps on the side.
I haven't been to a birthday party that catered for parents outside of tea/coffee.
Agree with someone above though that from what I've seen it could work out cheaper to go to places that do it for you.
But generally I think these birthday parties are a bit nuts, I grew up pretty poor, but a June birthday so always just a 'party' in my back garden and my sister got intermittent parties due to the weather in January. Sometimes a party in a village hall, other times a few friends invited to the cinema.
I'm also not very bothered about keeping up with others though, if we can't afford then we can't.

They obviously do know - kids aren’t silly. we have a whole school approach so it clearly was an issue for lots! And of course as they get older, groups get smaller. I do appreciate that finance is tricky - many people share parties and do it quite simply to reduce cost.

of course children are allowed to be disappointed but I don’t think resilience is built by excluding small children! Do you feel that having your summer bday missed (or your kids missed out) build character?

No - they ask that everyone is invited (or all boys/all girls) so half the class. If not they prohibit you from handing out invites in the school - obviously you can invite people outside of school and have a smaller party that way, but they won’t be part of it which is fair - most people seem very onboard with it, it’s for the smaller kids, obviously different once they are older and have more established peer groups!

@Psychologymam Actually yes. It did build resilience. They certainly learnt that everything in life is not fair. Or that getting what they want all the time is not a given and some DC are going to get more recognition, Eg sports winners, musicians, confident dc and kids with term time holidays! In addition, it was obvious they could have a fab birthday despite it being in the holidays and that if something feels wrong you might be able to do something about it. So DD1 asked the teacher for happy birthday song for holiday birthdays - it was y2 by the time they did that. As for parties, a few a year is fine.

They have the same rule at my DGC’s schools, @Psychologymam. Party invitations can’t be handed out at school unless they are whole class parties or all girls/boys so the children are less likely to know who has and hasn’t been invited. Otherwise, they have to deal with the upset at school. I wouldn’t say the school encourage whole class parties though, it’s more a case of keep non school stuff out of school.

It’s crazy. I’m hoping we never have to do it. I always just had tea parties at home with a couple of my closest friends and that’s what I’m planning on doing for the DC.

Never got teachers to hand out anything. Just hand invites to parents or dc would hand them out quietly when they were older. As I said, the 20 not coming had no idea.,

Having said what I have - dc do notice when they don’t get any invitations when they are older. KS2 they do notice. There’s chat and it comes up. Not much earlier though.

Really? That’s standard where I am, a home county.

@keepgoingbackagain i love the sound of that but my son isn’t really a tea party kid, he’s a bounce off the walls, play fighting, lunatic style kid 😂

That great that it worked for your children - and that they were able to advocate for the changes they need ! Not all children can advocate so effectively for themselves and I think my kids learn to be kind, inclusive and understanding of differences by inviting all, not just the more popular kids which can happen. But I work with vulnerable kids so I’m always alert to that - social isolation is a big trigger for me!

My DC are all of those things. You don’t learn that from your parent providing a ludicrously expensive party to make you feel self righteous. It really can be fostered in other ways. Think about all the things you could do to have caring dc. Mine are - so there’s other ways.

No one appears willing to say if a bullying child is invited. Of the one who behaves so badly other dc run a mile. Most dc stop being inclusive when they have been hit or a chair flung at them.