Making friends in your 30s

[Nosleepforthismum]

Two young kids 3&1 and in preschool full time. DH and I run a business together but with the majority of the work falling to him so I can be flexible for the family’s needs. Sounds great and is great but I moved 4 hours away to be with DH during COVID and I never managed to make any real friends and then complicated pregnancies and house renovations have meant I haven’t had much free time. This hopefully is changing now and I have flexibility, money and time to actually make a proper effort to meet people. Partly for my kids as well, I’d love to have friends with kids to hang out with occasionally at the park but also have friends outside of the kids.

I have no idea where to start! Everyone around my age already seems to have established friendships and family support. I tried the meet up groups a few times but I found it difficult to connect with the people that went to the events as a lot of them struggle hugely with their mental health and the conversation mostly focused on that and it all got very heavy. I know I probably need to join a hobby group but what? Any suggestions gratefully received.

the obvious first step is the parents at nursery. Is there a class whatsapp where you could, for example, suggest a trip to the park on a weekend or after school (if school hours)? Or if your dc like a particular child ask the nursery staff to pass along a note to suggest a meet up.

obviously these parents are not all going to be your friend, but like in any environment, hopefully there will be someone you can, over time, connect with. It does take some effort - suggesting meeting up and if you get on, proactively inviting for coffee or a drink or whatever.

I know a lot of people who have made friends via an exercise class or gym. It is quite a slow process though I think unless you turn into a total gym bunny and hang out 5 days a week there. An actual sports group might be better - a friend of mine joined a local hockey club having not played since high school and has absolutely loved it and made loads of local friends.

through work, do you interact with anyone you get on particularly well with? Sometime I think it’s a bit like dating - you have to ask someone out in a way 😂😂 and it does not always work out but when it does, it’s great.

Think about what kind of people you are drawn to, and where you might be most likely to encounter them. I tend to get on best with creative types, who are either artists, musicians, writers, or work in the creative industries, and after I moved countries in 2020, I’ve met such people via DS (his school friends’ parents) or at arts festivals, galleries, openings, a cinema club for arthouse film, or via work.