Do I help DS in thos situation

[Whoami2025]

Ds is 9 in year 5 but he has autism. Has ehcp is in mainstream.

He plays xbox with his friends. Ds told me when he gets a new weapon. His friend says " wow I'm so good with that one . And takes it away from DS. I told DS to tell him please don't take it because I want it. Ds then said he's my friend though and I don't want to upset him. He's not being bullied or anything it's just he will give something up in order to make someone else happy even if he's sad.

Is this something I leave and its just a life thing he will learn? Should I build his confidence more so he feels he can say no.

Why is your 9 year old playing games with weapons in the first place ?

You understand the weapons aren't real, don't you?

I don’t really understand the weapons in games so apologies if I’m wrong I just think of Sheldon losing his bird in BBT. However, I would find some middle ground and tell him it’s fantastic he wants to share with his friends and maybe every second weapon he gets he keeps and shares the next one. And arm him ( pun intended) with sentences he can say “I agree Johnny it’s a great x , as I gave you/ Tommy/ whoever my last weapon I’m going to keep this- once I’m done: bored with it I will give it to you”

The main thing is to encourage him to always tell you and give positive encouragement for telling you whatever happens online

Yes and 9 year olds are too young to play violent games, especially autistic ones.

If by 'violent' you mean pretend play fighting for fun, as the op's son is doing, almost every 9 year old boy plays 'violent' games.

Luckily, there's absolutely no evidence such play leads to a greater propensity for real violence.

If his friend says wow I'm so good with that one', I'd be coaching DS to stand his ground and say something like 'yeah, you're good already, so I need to practise with it'.

Friendships are tricky.

Plenty of studies showing a link between it and bullying and aggression in children. @Whoami2025 's child is being bullied by his friend and came to MN to ask if she should do something. Stop him playing these games with would be a start imo.

But sure no issue.

Even if it's just online, it gives you a glimpse into how he might be navigating friendships at school when you're not around. Encourage him to express his needs assertively -I'm really good with this thing too so I want to use it. Building his confidence to say no is key. Role-playing scenarios might help? Remind him that his feelings are important too, and it's okay to prioritise his happiness and put himself first.

Lots of posters derailing the thread a bit with advice/opinions the op didn't even ask for.

Op my autistic child was like this, esp with football/Pokemon cards and toys, games etc.

he didn’t really have the same understanding of value either monetary or personal value.

he was also v trusting and kind. It was around this age he started asking about other people lying as he didn’t and couldn’t understand why people did this. I did a lot of explaining how others are like him!

i worked out who would be more likely to take advantage (wanting to ‘borrow’ the newest games/toys, swapping cards) and stopped him giving or ‘swapping’ with those kids. And stopped his swapping in general of high value/important cards eg we identified the things he could swap!

it was hard as I think he was often taken advantage, but it was small value items and that phase ended (yr 4-5 is high swapping time)

learning that other people are not always nice, truthful or kind is a hard lesson but important

I never said my child was being bullied

His "friends" are taking advantage of him, what else do you call it?

@Whoami2025 does he earn these weapons or are you paying for extras ?

I would shut that down. He needs to understand that what he wants is just as important as what his friends want. You’ll be helping him to establish strong boundaries.