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Original poster

CMS investigation

40 replies

cmsinvestigation · 18/01/2025 15:42

This might be a long one.

My exDH is currently being investigated by CMS because of another woman he has a child with for undeclared income. I received a letter saying that CMS will be in touch soon to see if I am owed money.

Here's the thing. My daughter is now 18 and my other 2 kids with him are adults. My 2 daughters are telling me to leave it but this man left us for this woman a decade ago and left us destitute. Her child was put onto his claim which had a large chunk of what he was paying drastically reduced

This is all well and good but she was claiming single parent and not declaring he was living with her, so his CMS he was paying shouldn't have been reduced.

He's self employed so was paying £20 per week for 3 kids, on the letter they gave his income at £8k per year but they have found out he was getting £28k since 2020. We all know he earns a lot more than that.

Even though my daughter is now 18 will they pay me any money? Or will it just be left?

The CSA in 2015/16 (can't remember) already wrote off arrears of £7.5k so I'm not holding out much hope.

One of my daughters has said I'm being greedy and he's asked them to speak to me about doing the right thing. Like he did the right thing while I sent my kids to my mums so they could eat and have warmth 🙃

OP posts:
TheNewHiker · 18/01/2025 15:45

You’ll get peanuts
if that
is follow advice of your daughter
sounds like she’s endured quite enough with this man as her father without her mother becoming distracted by a futile fight with him

TheNewHiker · 18/01/2025 15:46

One of my daughters has said I'm being greedy

oh, so there’s more to this. Your adult daughter thinks you’re being greedy? Presumably she has a good relationship with her father and not so much with you?

Original poster
cmsinvestigation · 18/01/2025 16:11

The kids love their dad but he was very abusive to me during and after the relationship. He ended up in prison

OP posts:

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TheNewHiker · 18/01/2025 16:12

cmsinvestigation · 18/01/2025 16:11

The kids love their dad but he was very abusive to me during and after the relationship. He ended up in prison

And this adults thinks you’re being greedy and unfair?

Original poster
cmsinvestigation · 18/01/2025 16:15

@TheNewHiker
They just want me to forget the past and concentrate on the future I guess. I'm happy and safe now and they don't want mine or their trauma dragging back up

I just know he will wangle his way out of paying anything anyway, but I struggled so badly. I think we deserve a bit of compensation even if it is peanuts

He paid £20 for 3 kids but was supposed to pay nearly £100 per week

OP posts:
TheNewHiker · 18/01/2025 16:17

Calling you greedy doesn’t sound like wanting you to be happy to me

Sparklfairy · 18/01/2025 16:17

Tell your daughter that instead of using loaded and inflammatory language like 'greedy', she should articulate her feelings properly like the grown up she is.

She doesn't mean 'greedy', she probably means 'don't rock the boat'/'don't piss him off'/'just let it go'. The thing is, from what you've said, it's the CMS that have got in touch with you, did you ask them to go digging around in his finances in the hope of some backdated payments?

If not, ignore her, see what the CMS does in my experience, very little and tell your daughter it's not your (or her) call.

Original poster
cmsinvestigation · 18/01/2025 16:19

@Sparklfairy no I didn't ask them to do anything, the other woman he has a child with did

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 18/01/2025 16:22

cmsinvestigation · 18/01/2025 16:19

@Sparklfairy no I didn't ask them to do anything, the other woman he has a child with did

Thought so! I'd be tempted to ask your daughter how you could be 'not greedy' in a situation that is none of your making then? Is she suggesting that CMS say, 'here's some money' and you say, 'Ah no thanks, he can keep it?'

I don't even have kids, but I did have a dad that did the same as your ex. Irony is I realised early on it was him that was the 'greedy' one...

madamweb · 18/01/2025 16:22

I would be blunt with your children what he put you through. You didn't push for this to happen but we CMS are investigating it seems quite reasonable to just give them the facts.

It's not greedy to be honest

madamweb · 18/01/2025 16:23

And you will be helping other mums too as the more that the message gets out that lying to avoid child maintenance doesn't pay in the long run the better

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 18/01/2025 16:27

My XH didn't pay after we separated. CMS kept telling me they could sanction him, take his driving licence, etc, but they never did. They also kept asking ME for his contact information (which I didn't have. He'd buggered off and kept changing jobs). He ran up £30k in arrears and they eventually caught up with him and I was getting paid £250 every month even though the kids have grown up and left home long ago. He's retired now and no longer has to pay, even though there are still several thousands of pounds outstanding.

So yes, if they can get him and get money out of him I think you will still get something even though the kids are grown up.

Original poster
cmsinvestigation · 18/01/2025 16:27

I think they want me to tell the CMS that I'm not interested in any investment or money

They think that now because they're adults I shouldn't get any money, but it was me who worked double shifts to make sure they had a roof over their heads and food in their belly.

I'm not rich now, I still struggle like a lot of people and any extra money would come in handy. I don't think anyone would turn away any money would they?

OP posts:
Original poster
cmsinvestigation · 18/01/2025 16:29

He received an inheritance so while he isn't rich, he is comfortable. He inherited a house and money in a few accounts. From what my kids have said he's planning on possible quitting work to get out of paying the other woman, so we will probably get nothing anyway

OP posts:
Cerialkiller · 18/01/2025 16:35

If you don't have to do anything then I do t see any issues with just letting things run their course. If you end up with a payout, great, if not, no loss. Try to forget about it as it's might bring up old (deserved) recently.

I think the bigger issue is your daughter calling you greedy. I would be asking her to explain to you how you getting more then £20 a week for raising them after him leaving you in poverty is 'greedy'.

LisaJohnsonsFacebookMole · 18/01/2025 16:36

Don't be pressured by your children. You've been put upon long enough. Put your interests first for a change. Let CMS do their thing and engage/co-operate with them when asked to

Original poster
cmsinvestigation · 18/01/2025 16:48

I'm a huge walkover, and I guess they know this. I didn't ask for any of this, it just appeared through the post one day and now I'm being greedy.

It doesn't help that the kids dad is asking them to tell me to tell CMS to sod off (in so many words)
He's even said he will sort me out a few quid to stay out of it. The CMS have only investigated back to 2020 and have asked me if I want it fully investigated from when I first made a claim which is 2016. This is thousands of pounds stolen from my children and they don't realise that.

He left us and moved in with OW and her child never had to worry about bills or food because he was bringing him up with his mum. Yet he left his own kids with nothing. It angers me so much

OP posts:
Notadoctor123 · 18/01/2025 16:50

“he's asked them to speak to me about doing the right thing.” op@cmsinvestigation this would light a rocket under me…how dare he say that! if you have single-handedly raised three kids and could do with the money for your own financial security and future planning, and don’t have to do the leg work yourself,then hell yes I’d be happy to accept whatever the CMS can get out of him.

LisaJohnsonsFacebookMole · 18/01/2025 17:31

"Yes, I absolutely do want it investigated from 2016, thank you." <<< rephrase it as you like but there's your response to CMS. Sort you out with a few quid? Ha. The man lived his life lying and breaking promises to those who loved him.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 18/01/2025 17:45

Fuck it. You paid more than you should, he owes it, so you should get it - all of it - and use it for your benefit.

My ex tried to tell my then 18 year old that the least I could do was give it all to her as it was her money when I got one of those letters out of the blue. Nope, it was mine that I should have received to spend on her when she was little and needed it.

LisaJohnsonsFacebookMole · 18/01/2025 17:50

Could I just add something about this idea of being a walkover? I don't see it as being a walkover. I see it as someone who was abused then left in a very difficult position trying to keep everyone warm, fed and safe for year after year. You weren't a walkover, you gave in to things or went along with things to keep you and the children safe and later to save drama and spend your energy where is was needed most, such as for doing double shifts. You're no walkover, you did what you had to keep safe.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 18/01/2025 18:35

I also took the money despite them being adult. They grew up with nothing while I was stressed to hell keeping a roof over our heads and food on the table. My wages covered the rent, nothing else, everything else was funded by my second job and the overdraft. Too right I was going to take the money...

Plantmumfailure · 18/01/2025 18:40

Don't discuss it with your daughters anymore. I think that you do deserve some sort of compensation, but sounds like he is a deadbeat who is going to quit his job to weasel out of paying for his own children. What an absolute oxygen thief.

Snorlaxo · 18/01/2025 18:42

You’re not being greedy.

If you have loans and credit card debt as a result of his behaviour then his money should quite rightly go towards that. I’m not sure how much you’d get but it’s money that you are owed.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 18/01/2025 18:45

LisaJohnsonsFacebookMole · 18/01/2025 17:50

Could I just add something about this idea of being a walkover? I don't see it as being a walkover. I see it as someone who was abused then left in a very difficult position trying to keep everyone warm, fed and safe for year after year. You weren't a walkover, you gave in to things or went along with things to keep you and the children safe and later to save drama and spend your energy where is was needed most, such as for doing double shifts. You're no walkover, you did what you had to keep safe.

Yes yes yes. You need to put this in writing to your daughters. Their dad was a bad man to you and chose not to provide for them even though he was providing for someone else’s kid. It’s fine that they love him, but he still needs to be brought to account. Your claim with CMS is nothing to do with them. And it’s not being greedy.