Teens age difference issue?

[Igy]

Really not sure what to do about this one.

My DS is 15. He has fallen for a girl from a hobby group of his. They go to different schools and don't live nearby. They've started texting a lot. Innocuous stuff. He found out she is 12. He thought she was 13. He's a very sweet, kind, thoughtful boy and is mortified and worried. Should he be? After opinions.

Well I’d probably advise him to knock the friendship on the head TBH

Definitely too big of an age gap at that stage.

My friend's ds is 15.his gf is 13...ss are involved. Swerve this one tell him op.

Whi is SS involved? He is a child himself surely?

Stress to him that it's fine to be friends but that's all it can be until she's 16.

Yes I have told him that and he wholeheartedly agrees. He wants to be friends only, and surely just texting is okay? He allows me access to his phone any time I request.

I see no harm in continuing to be friends at the shared hobby but explain that the girl is just a bit too young for any kind of closer relationship.. I'm 60 and in my teens many of my friends had boyfriends who were 2 or 3 years older, we considered boys our own age so immature and silly. Today everyone assumes teens will be having sex even when they are not. In a few years time the situation may be different and if they both fancy each other then a relationship could be appropriate.

I’d tell him that he needs to stop speaking to her. 15 and 13 is a little bit crazy as well, 2 years is huge at that age.

Yes I agree the age difference is big at that age. I am taking all comments on board.

Is there harm in their texting just as friends? Strictly as friends.

Or absolutely no way.

I disagree. At a shared hobby it is not unusual to be friends with kids in different year groups. I help run a youth group and we have a number of siblings who are great mates with other pairs of siblings and others. Are you really saying that a 12 year old girl shouldn't even speak to her brothers best mate just because he is 14? They play tennis together for heavens sake. Sometimes pairs are not exactly the same age. I realy don't understand this mn thing about all friendships having to be between just a single year age. Life isn't like that.

I'd let them carry on texting. You say your son shows you his phone willingly. He's talked to you about this, which shows great maturity on his part. I suspect it will fizzle out naturally with no great trauma to anyone. If they share a hobby then there is nothing wrong in being mates.

Thanks Fundeer.

My DS has never had a girlfriend, he just hasn't met anyone he's liked. He's smart, kind, respectful and well-liked. I'm sad that although his attitude towards the girl is wholey innocent and respectful, he's looked upon as ..... well, I'm not sure what the appropriate word is,

I would probably advise him to back away a fair bit, she is far too young for him to date but not young enough that she couldn't have a serious crush on him.

In my opinion mn has some very weird ideas. I can imagine your son very well. I've met many such lads over the years. They are the sort of boy that mums will want as sons in law when they are older. As I have said above, at hobby clubs ages do seem to mix more than in some other spheres of life. Your son has done nothing wrong. Don't make him feel uncomfortable for being a good mate to someone.

If they have acknowledged they like each other I think he just needs to tell her he thinks she is too young for him now he knows her age.
If nothing has happened I think they can gradually drift apart. No need for stress but definitely too young.

Friends fine.

Relationship... no way. He'll be turning 16 as shes turning 13. Its a completely different stage if teen hood.

He needs to back off. If I were the parent I would not be happy.

There's nothing to really back off from? He only texts in response to her - never initiates a conversation. They haven't discussed feelings, it's literally a growing friendship. We are both feeling a little uncomfortable, granted. The issue seems to be a product of our times I guess, I do get it. But trying g to navigate it so my lovely, thoughtful, son doesn't feel like a monster He is a great kid.

Thanks everyone- all opinions taken on board

Sorry I should’ve been more clear. I meant stop speaking to her in a romantic way. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a 2/3 year age gap for friendships but I do think that there’s an issue with a 2/3 age gap with romantic relationships at that age.

I don't think your son has done anything wrong to be clear just I would encourage him to gently let the friendship drift somewhat.
It's too easy for things to get messy quite quickly. He is feeling uncomfortable I would encourage him to listen to his own feelings on this.

You'd be getting very different responses here if you'd posted "my 12 year old daughter is texting a 15 year old boy who fell for her when he thought she was older, they say it's innocent now but should I stop her?".

Come on OP, your opening lines say he's fallen for her. Ok so he didn't know her real age when he fell for her, but he does know it now and feelings don't just evaporate.

The most sensible and appropriate way to manage this situation is for him to tell her he's happy to be her friend when they see each other at the hobby, but they shouldn't be texting. She's 12!

Perfectly normal. I did a mixed sex hobby (sport) when young and in our group were a range of ages. We were 13/14 when we started to hang out and some of the group were 17/18.

All just friends and still friends with some today. As long as not sexual, absolutely fine. My best friends were 2 lads age 17/18 when I was 14.

A friendship is fine, but you said he’s falling for her.

Thank you everyone. I've taken all your comments on board.

Although he is aware of the fact, I'm going to reiterate they can be friends only.

I'm going to encourage him to stick with his principal of not texting her first. I don't want to ban him from texting her in case he goes secretive on me. At the moment he is showing me the messages and I want to keep his trust.

I don't want this blown out of proportion so I'm going to keep a keen eye on things and hope it peters out as a previous poster said. Hoping in the meantime he'll fall for someone his own age.

He's one of those rare breed of teenagers who will do as I ask, so I wanted to make sure I was dealing with this reasonably.

Thanks everyone