Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

To go on this date or not?

22 replies

coves · 16/01/2025 19:44

I’m newly single, dipping my toe back into the world of online dating… been chatting to a guy since the weekend, so not long, but we have a date arranged for tomorrow night for drinks. I have a funny niggle about it, but I’m a chronic overthinker and not sure if I’m over analysing things.

I told him I don’t drink much (maybe twice a year max) but he’s planned some sort of pub crawl for us… I agreed to the first pub and thought I’ll have one and see how it goes, then he was listing where we’ll go next etc. I said to calm down a bit and we’ll just see what happens, we might not even like each other so best to just play it by ear! He called me the other day which is fine, I like a chat to break the ice before meeting someone. But then he called again last night, which felt a bit annoying?! I don’t like to invest a huge amount of time in someone before a first date as more often than not, they don’t work out.

He has a DD, same age as mine, but speaks fairly negatively of her mum. He’s veeeery complimentary, I find it uncomfortable but I’m naturally not great at taking compliments and maybe he’s just nice?! Example, I was doing some DIY today and I told him about it and he offered to help me. I joked that that was more of a 4th date activity, and he said ‘I know but I make exceptions for women I think are amazing… so you and only you’ and a kissy emoji… I haven’t replied, I just feel a bit put off.

Argh, I don’t know if I’m overthinking it because I’m rusty and been out of the dating scene for a while?!

OP posts:
Mooselooseinmyhoose · 16/01/2025 19:46

It shouldn't be hard early on! If your gut says no I would back out now

2025willbemytime · 16/01/2025 19:46

Uurgh

bye bye

coves · 16/01/2025 19:47

The annoying thing is I don’t even want anything particularly serious right now, I just want light and casual and fun. I feel like he’s giving off slightly needy vibes at times.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

coves · 16/01/2025 19:50

Part of me is thinking just go on the date, maybe it’ll be fun?! And the other is thinking of the absolute logistical faff that it could be if it’s shite - I’d have to take the bus instead of the car if I’m drinking (buses aren’t that regular here) and then I’m giving up my rare, child free Friday evening… 🤣

OP posts:
2025willbemytime · 16/01/2025 19:50

Oh fgs. Make your mind up!

MounjaroOnMyMind · 16/01/2025 19:52

But if you tell him you just want a bit of fun, he'll just want a shag.

His idea of a good night out doesn't match yours, so I'd send him on his way to find someone who does like pub crawls.

coves · 16/01/2025 19:55

@2025willbemytime I can’t, that’s why I’ve posted! I’m so indecisive. 🤣 I might have a great time, I don’t know because I haven’t met him - but it annoys me that he’s assuming we’re going to be pub crawling on night and getting on like a house on fire when we haven’t even met yet.

@MounjaroOnMyMind oh i know, I haven’t told him that - I think I said I was just looking to date and see what happens! I’m tempted to tell him I’m not really in the mood for the pub and see what his response is. If he suggests something else, I’ll probably go. He made jokes about getting me drunk too, even though I’d already said I don’t really get drunk and that I definitely wouldn’t be on a first date!

OP posts:
2025willbemytime · 16/01/2025 19:56

Just because he's assuming you're going on a pub crawl doesn't make you have to! You have autonomy. He isn't the boss of you.

pimplebum · 16/01/2025 20:00

Watch your drink, don’t let out of your sight

drive and have one drink use car as excuse not to drink more

too love Bomby for me but I’d still go on the date, treat it as practice

CryptoFascist · 16/01/2025 20:01

He sounds like a clinger and a desperado, I wouldn't bother meeting him.

25GBUK · 16/01/2025 20:04

No point going on a pub crawl if you don’t drink! Don’t do it just because he wants you to. Just say, Sorry it’s not my thing.

TankFlyBossWalkJamNittyGrittyIAmFromAMidSizeCity · 16/01/2025 20:10

The calls and being super keen to impress wouldn't bother me so much on their own at this stage, but the planning a pub crawl when you don't drink and making comments about getting you drunk would be enough to put me off entirely.

I probably wouldn't go because it's unlikely you'll be compatible, and very likely he thinks you'll get drunk and shag him.

Ontherocksthisyear · 16/01/2025 20:56

He may just think it's normal to go on a bit of a pub crawl, especially if that's his crowd. Although, surely he should have asked you what you might like to do? that's the bigger red flag.

His line is a bit cheesy, and im sure he's said it numerous times to other women.

Go with your gut.

AccidentalTourism · 16/01/2025 21:11

pimplebum · 16/01/2025 20:00

Watch your drink, don’t let out of your sight

drive and have one drink use car as excuse not to drink more

too love Bomby for me but I’d still go on the date, treat it as practice

^ This

Sampler · 16/01/2025 21:18

Doesn’t sound the brightest of chaps. You tell him you don’t drink and he comes up with a pub crawl….

AusMumhere · 16/01/2025 21:20

2025willbemytime · 16/01/2025 19:50

Oh fgs. Make your mind up!

Bit rude!

2025willbemytime · 16/01/2025 21:40

AusMumhere · 16/01/2025 21:20

Bit rude!

Yet @coves took my comment with good grace so you don't need to be bothered.

AusMumhere · 16/01/2025 21:54

2025willbemytime · 16/01/2025 21:40

Yet @coves took my comment with good grace so you don't need to be bothered.

Oh good, thanks for your permission

Playinwithfire · 18/03/2025 17:01

The comments about his child's mum would have instantly turned me off him! These people tend to have traits of love bombing and the next thing you know you're writing a post of "AIBU to leave him"...

coves · 18/03/2025 18:20

@Playinwithfire definitely!

Funnyish update, I didnt go on the date and he messaged me after a few weeks of no communication to ask how I was. I replied to say I was good, then he let me know he met someone and it’s a whirlwind romance and blah blah blah. Weird, not sure why he felt the need to tell me but glad I didn’t bother with the date anyway!

OP posts:
SquatBetty · 18/03/2025 20:06

coves · 18/03/2025 18:20

@Playinwithfire definitely!

Funnyish update, I didnt go on the date and he messaged me after a few weeks of no communication to ask how I was. I replied to say I was good, then he let me know he met someone and it’s a whirlwind romance and blah blah blah. Weird, not sure why he felt the need to tell me but glad I didn’t bother with the date anyway!

Bless, that's his way of telling you what you missed out on - bet you're gutted 🤣

I've come across at least one of those types before - really shows you how deeply fragile the male ego is!

Playinwithfire · 18/03/2025 23:25

SquatBetty · 18/03/2025 20:06

Bless, that's his way of telling you what you missed out on - bet you're gutted 🤣

I've come across at least one of those types before - really shows you how deeply fragile the male ego is!

I sense there could be many of them out there!

All looking to show that temporary love then straight into cave man mode.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page