DD BF staying over nearly every night of the week.....

[Winter20245]

My DD is 22 and her BF stays over pretty 5 or 6 days of the week. She gets home at 6.30pm with him in tow.
I feel frustrated by it and I dont know why. 2 days a week I get in at 6.30pm with my 10 year old, I just want some quiet time but they are downstairs talking and cooking dinner and making a mess. They do clean up and buy their food and she pays rent but he just gets to stay most nights for nothing. He doesnt pay rent at home but is at uni.
DD leaves for work at 7am so he literally stays for the night and goes back home.
Am I just being moody?!

There's no need for him to come round every night. They're just young and in love and playing happy families...on your time/dime. Nothing wrong with putting a stop to it.

Either present him with a lodgers agreement for eg Monday-Friday rental, expect a standing order set up and check it goes in each week/month, then kick him out if he misses a payment, no excuses. Or tell her that whilst you love her and are happy to house her, if they want to effectively live together then they need to move out because you didn't sign up to house-share with another couple.

But - before going in all guns blazing you need to start saying no to him coming over. If you insist she asks then say yes when you want to say no, that's on you and you need to get a backbone. If she's asking and you say yes then she can hardly be blamed for bringing him!

From a siblings perspective, I'm the eldest but at one point my younger sister moved her boyfriend into our family home and I hated it TBH. He just arrived one day with no notice because my sister had moved into his family's house a couple weeks prior and subsequently been kicked out of there. Neither him nor my sister paid any rent even though he was in his 20s and she'd left college. I'd been paying substantial rent since leaving school as a teen so was very resentful. He used everyone's products in the bathroom because he was a layabout without a job to buy his own, mum's shopping bill went up by a third (5 in the house including him) because he ate so much more than everyone else, he had a big booming voice that kept me awake late at night/early hours when he was downstairs watching TV and laughing etc, took time on the one family computer, did no housework, broke furniture and didn't replace it. The whole situation pissed me right off. Don't assume your younger DC is ok with it even if they haven't said anything.

Well if I was in a house share, there is no fecking way I would countenance someone having their boyfriend to stay 5 or 6 nights a week, pretty much nobody would. So that's bullshit. But bottom line is that this is OP's house and she doesn't have to put up with for a night longer if she doesn't want to.

I wouldn't suggest he pays rent. I wouldn't want him living now! It'll create a whole new problem if he pays rent.

Honestly I would just say to her this isn't working for us. Much as I like your boyfriend I don't want him here every night. I don't want him here more than once a week really. I don't want him here at weekends because I want some quiet time. I don't want you cooking with him because you make a mess and don't clear it all away. You need to get a flat with him or a flat on your own where you can have him to stay whenever you want.

^^ I think this is a really sensible approach.

It's good for young people not to get too deeply embedded too soon. Five or six nights a week is too much imho. They need to be working on their other friendships and interests too. Also op is entitled to some privacy in her own home, as do young siblings.

If it bothers you then say something about reducing the number of nights. It doesn't sound like they are doing anything bad though - they're cleaning up after themselves, in a separate room and she pays rent and works. It will probably sooner rather than later she will have moved out and you will miss the noise.

Morning. So I am going to say something today as I wasnt sure if I was being unreasonable or not.

We were out all day yesterday and got home at 9.30, she said can he come round so I said yes. To then be woken up at 7am by them moving around upstairs (her bedroom is above mine) because he had to go to work!

You say yes to the man sleeping in your property several times already this week.

You're allowing this, then moaning about it. It's very easily prevented.

Is it in your 10yr old daughter's best interests to have some unrelated male in her home? She must feel really uncomfortable.

So after all the previous posts suggesting you say no next time she asks, you said yes?!

Your DD sounds reasonable, asking for your permission and tidying up the kitchen so I think you can have a reasoned conversation about this. At the moment she won't realise how unhappy you are about this as you keep saying yes to her BF staying over

Talk to her if she is on her own now or send a text saying you need to talk to her about the current situation. She will have to get used to getting ready for work at his house if she wants to spend most nights with him.

It sounds like they are playing newly weds in someone elses house.

I assumed they were just doing this without any discussion but if she is asking, why on earth do you keep saying yes?

You need to have polite but firm talk with your daughter, might be an idea to have him present as well so there is no argument about what has been said or not said. tell them you need space and time to chill out and keep the noise down when they are in the house.

Why does your daughter not spend time at his place?

Good luck

You said yes @Winter20245 this is on you not them.