My friend is a cheating on her husband

[Ammy57]

Long story short, my best friend is a cheater. She's married with 3 daughters and been with her husband over a decade. She says she loves him but she's always messaging other men and sending them videos of herself.

She trusts me and I'm the only person who knows but it's draining hearing her talk about it and how she doesn't feel guilty but at the same time she says she's happily married.

Her marriage is none of my business and I don't want to lose her as a friend, but the more she opens up the more I don't understand. She'll go to hotels with people and if her husband asks who she's messaging she will tell him it's me. It's like she does this all day and there's no guilt.

Has anyone had this before or how they would handle this?

Tell her you refuse to be an alibi. Call round for her when she is supposed to be with you... Let her dh deal with her.. She can deal with the fallout of her actions..

I’d cut her off. Disgusting behaviour, disgusting person and she’s using you as a cover. I couldn’t be friends with someone like that.

Tell her that you want to be friends, but that you don't want to know about her extramarital affairs.

Her poor husband. One can only hope that he's doing the same.

I wouldn't do anything to sabotage her. Id rather mind my own business. But i would have to walk away from the friendship. It's not a friend that uses you as an alibi for their illicit actions.

I expect her husband cheats too.

Years ago it used to be normal to be faithful. Now it's normal to be unfaithful. Wouldn't work for me but each to their own I suppose.

I wouldn’t do anything to deliberately have her caught out, you never know what goes on behind closed doors and far too many people judge situations far too quickly imo.

However if you are uncomfortable with being an alibi then tell her and take nothing else to do with it.

I did this. One of my longest standing friends was being a moron. I called round one day and his wife said "oh, he's out. With you".

I will not be party to that. She was quite surprised that men do not all stick together.

I couldn't be friends with someone who totally lacked integrity in this way.

If you don't want to cut her off (or aren't ready to yet), call it out for what it is - sad, needy, attention seeking behaviour. She's using this as a way to boost her self esteem. The attention is feeding her sense of self worth. Every time she starts showing off about all the attention she's getting, offer sympathy, suggest there might be healthier ways to improve how she feels about herself than sleeping with random men. Ask if she's compensating for a lack of attention from her husband. When she's congratulating herself on these men fancying her, ask what she knows about them. Does she respect them? If not, why is their opinion important to her?

From there, total disinterest. 'Are you? Righto. Have you seen the latest episode of 'Traitors' yet?' The more objective, detached, unimpressed you sound the less she'll want to show off about it in front of you.

Oh, and if you're her excuse for her behaviour then it absolutely is your business.

Did anyone else read the title in an Italian accent?

You are friends with a sociopath. I would definitely cut her off.

Me!

Keep out. Repeat. Not my business

Si

Let hope not because let’s hope one of them is prioritising their children.

I would end the friendship.

She wouldn't be my friend any more, not after she tried to use me as an alibi.

My boss tried to do this, didn't go home after a Christmas do and tried to tell his wife he'd stayed with me. I woke up the next morning to a message from him asking me to lie and a bunch of missed calls from her. The next time she phoned I told her I hadn't seen him past 11pm. Dropped him right in the shit and damaged our working relationship, but he never asked me anything so stupid again.

I had a similar issue. A friend was cheating on her fiance, who was also a friend. I told her she either told him or I would and no, I would not allow her to use me as an alibi. She fessed up and our friendship survived.

Just tell the husband. He deserves to know.
And cut off the friendship with this creepy woman.

I would tell her:

1. Don't tell me about it
2. Don't use me as your alibi lol, ever

I'm in a similar boat. Friend of 16 years, 2 kids, totally shocked to learn she's a serial cheat, many ONS's which she seems totally blaze about. Her OH seemingly hasn't a clue. I feel done over by her.