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Let friends be supportive?

4 replies

MulhuddartDrive · 14/01/2025 21:53

I'm having surgery next week. It's reasonably routine but I'll be out of action for about 4 weeks, lots of rest and no driving. Dh will mostly be fine to pick up the slack and my dad has kindly offered to help with overlapping after school activities if needed. The children are old enough to be fairly self sufficient. We'll eat more ready meals than normal but we'll survive it.

Dh asked me earlier who else I've told about the surgery, meaning my friends. I've only told one, someone i see at least once a week so she'll notice I'm not around! I have two main groups of friends, one from school (3) and one from uni (4). Like all of us, they have all the usual life/work/family shit going on. We threaten to see each other far more often than we get around to, it's mainly group texts/chats through the week. I know they'd all help if we need it, but it'd be another thing to fit into a busy day if they did. It feels like I'd be putting an obligation on them to offer, especially when it's unlikely we'll need any help. He thinks, and he's probably right, that they'll be a bit hurt if I don't tell them at all. I feel very torn and a bit dramatic either way and I'm not sure what to do.

OP posts:
ForPearlViper · 14/01/2025 22:05

How would you feel if one of your friends didn't tell you about a major surgery?

You should tell them. By all means tell them that you've already got loads of help with practical things but at least let them help with extra messages and chats to keep you amused whilst you are laid up.

Allthesnowallthetime · 14/01/2025 22:12

I'd tell them. My friend recently had major surgery - she didn't need the practical help I offered but it's been good to keep in touch.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 14/01/2025 22:15

Just because you tell them about the surgery doesn’t mean they need to be obliged to help, even if they offer if you have it covered you can just say thanks for the offer but DH has it covered. I would want to tell my friends for emotional support, maybe to send a link to a podcast, article to read or recommendation of something to watch whilst I’m bored recovering in hospital or just to be around for a chat etc.

MulhuddartDrive · 14/01/2025 22:41

You're probably all right, I should let them know but stress we don't need anything from them. I'm a bad patient and hate being laid up so I think I'm worried about having any unnecessary focus on me.

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