Major surgery date but clashes with school play and other health issues

[elliejjtiny]

Ds4 (aged 11) has been waiting for this major surgery for 3 years and we have finally got a new date for beginning of February after the first 2 attempts got cancelled. 9 months ago he had an "area of concern" discovered somewhere near where they will be operating (sorry for vagueness but trying to remain anonymous) which the Drs (not the ones doing the operation, different speciality) said they would check again in 6 months to see if it's grown or not. If it's grown he shouldn't have the major surgery because of risks of infection and risks of surgery not working and having to be done again.

Due to waiting list being so long it's now been 9 months since the appointment despite me chasing. So now I have no way of knowing if the area of concern has grown or not. I have let both drs know the situation and the surgeons want a decision tomorrow.

Also if we go for this date ds4 will have to miss out on his school play which he has been practicing hard for since September. And I will miss a meeting with the school senco to discuss my younger 2 dc which I have been waiting 3 months for. And my dc2 is waiting on minor surgery which we don't have a date for yet but is supposed to be in the middle of February

On the other hand it's been 3 years he's been on the waiting list and we knew he would need it doing since I was pregnant with him so I just want to get it done now. And at least in February the hospital won't be like a furnace like it is in summer. I just don't know what to do. And I can't talk about it with dh because my in-laws are here and they will put all the details on SM as soon as they hear about it so we can't tell them until we have to.

The surgery is more important than any of the other things mentioned - clearly. Just accept the date offered.

I don't understand what you mean about both surgeons needing an answer tomorrow surely it's up to them to communicate? If one doctor has said the operation would be too risky if the other thing has grown on DS then surely the doctors make the call on whether it's appropriate to go ahead? Can you ring the secretaries of both doctors to tell that they need to have this confirmed before surgery can happen?

Similar happened to DS during his first term at a new school - when they held 'house' plays to encourage the boys to bond.

I chatted to the teacher in charge of the play and explained my concerns of DS becoming excluded from the group, and he made every effort to ensure that he had a role in the staging of the play both pre and post surgery. It worked out fine.

It's the operation Dr who wants an answer by tomorrow, or rather his secretary does. I've been on the phone to the growth Drs Secretary to try and get an appointment for ds4. She will let me know but not by tomorrow.

You are probably right about that. I tend to worry about little things to distract myself from worrying about the little things. Last time he had an operation I was worrying about whether his dressing gown matched his slippers!

I was in a car accident once, we ended up across the carriages with cars zipping past. My brain was more worried about where my phone was than getting out. Sometimes I think our brain fixates on trivial things.

My child may go for huge surgery in a few months (weeks, possibly more in hospital). I'm fixated on finding the right PJs so it won't interfere with wires and wounds. It's a distraction from how scary it is.

I get it.
But you also have to take the surgery, even if inconvenient. You know that. It's just unfair that our kids have to miss out on stuff.

I can't do the link on my tablet but you need pyjamas from pyjama fairies. They are really good and make hospital gowns and pyjamas for children having operations. They are good for tubes, wires etc and you can ask for extra poppers on the legs to accommodate a spica cast or anything like that.

Surgery first!

Always another chance at another play.

Why are you even asking? I get it's scary but your child's health is always nr. 1

Is it definitely the surgeon who wants an answer urgently?
The surgeon’s secretary is saying they need an answer by tomorrow (today)- that might be an admin yes/no rather than a clinical yes/no iyswim. There will be people who will say no because they don’t want the surgery or that date can’t be done for whatever reason. Admin staff have targets for appointing/filling slots and managing waiting lists, it may be that this is the pressure and hasn’t been explained to you properly.
You can say yes and then it can still be rescheduled if there is an issue with the growth that makes the surgery too risky. No-one can march your son to theatre and surgeons generally want to mitigate any risks where reasonable, they want the best outcome possible.
You sound really caring, trying to think about everyone’s feelings and perspectives. Do remember to take care of yourself as well. Good luck with it all.

Say yes to the surgery.

The doctors can sort out the other issue between themselves. Depending on the issue, ultrasounds, x-rays, or blood tests can be done to give indications of the situation before the surgery date.

Forget the rest of the factors swirling around. They are not important.

I think you're right and it's probably the secretary who wants to know the answer today.

If their ward diary is done in the same way as ours. Rescheduling the surgery will have a knock on effect for other patients.

Thank you everyone. I've phoned the surgeon's secretary and accepted the surgery date. So scary but at least it will be over soon.

As above^^
surgery trumps everything else
there will be other plays DH can meet with senco or sit with DS and you see them but health takes priority

Absolutely this

I would prioritise the surgery above all else

Good luck OP. I’m sure it’s all very stressful for you and I hope it all goes smoothly