If your child is graduating this year, what are their plans & how will you support these? (Or not!)

[TheStroppyFeminist]

One of our children is graduating in June and wants to continue living in his university town, which is completely understandable as it's nicer than where we live!

We've pointed out that in order to do so he will have to work to pay rent, bills and food. Realistically we are prepared to carry on subsidising him financially for a while as we can afford to do so but we haven't told him this yet as we want him to come up with a plan and don't want to present this as the best option.

He's welcome to come home after graduating and to live here rent free but will definitely have to get a job - we've made it clear that living at home and doing nothing is not an option. We do have room but I don't really want to live with him again to be honest - we love not having any kids at home - and he doesn't want to live with us either, having been independent for 3 years. Both completely fair enough.

There might be some options for residencies in his field where he gets paid to study some more and we'd support that but he needs to apply so we're going to look into that.

What are you doing? Does your child have a plan? How have you helped them formulate it or haven't you? Thanks for any views and advice!

Well that depends if the person in question expects their parents to provide the funds, doesn't it? Completely different scenario if the person is self-sufficient by working to pay their own way. If parental funding is required/expected, then it's entirely reasonable for the parents to be part of the decision making process.

@TheStroppyFeminist Good on you for protecting your empty nest. I hope it all works out well for you and your son. I’m sure he will be incredibly grateful that you want to support him living somewhere he loves so much :)

He is a grown adult surely he should be sorting this out himself? And if he needs help he can ask.

Dd1 has got a graduate job
She will return home and will contribute to food etc..However , me and dh expect her to save up
We have a large house so space is not the issue but I am a bit worried about how the dynamics will change in the house .

I should mention that a gap year is a possibility as he has a decent amount in savings due to an inheritance. Under £10k but still enough to travel. Which I think would be a great idea.

That's a good point about it being late to apply for grad schemes. That's how much I'm NOT involved, I haven't been saying "are you applying for grad schemes?" - I haven't started even thinking about it until now and he'll graduate in June.

But I do help if I'm asked. And I want to. And I have the time or expertise.

He has asked!

My adult children all had varying degrees of help after graduation. I make no apologies for any help they were given,accommodation wise ,financial help and general Mum/Dad love advice and support.
OP you sound a great Mum just do what is right for your son.

Thanks, acknowledged.
I didn’t have that support myself (my parents had moved to the back end of nowhere, so I never went ‘home’ again) and felt very adrift in those first few months after university. I went straight to London where I had to pay rent and survive somehow - which was probably good for me in some ways - but it also really limited my options because I could never have afforded anything like an unpaid internship or further study at the time. There were career pathways that I just couldn’t even consider because I couldn’t take the financial risk.

You do seem very on-the-ball, which is great, but everyone is different and there are some young people (like my own DC!) who definitely need a bit more guidance.

My son decided to stay in his university town and we had to have quite a blunt conversation with him as to expectations.

We needed to make it clear that he couldn't rely on us for handouts anymore and he wouldn't be eligible for grants etc. His degree is in illustration and he wanted to make a go of that so initially he signed on which I wasn't happy about. However the penny finally dropped when he realised it wasn't much to live on and whilst he was doing illustration work for friends and associates it was generally unpaid or on a quid pro quo basis.

Harsh words were had after one too many requests for a 'little bit of money for food' that he needed to get a paying job and could pursue his artistic endeavours in his spare time. His job is connected to illustration and he generally seems to enjoy it but it doesn't pay particularly well. However four years later he is still living there and generally supporting himself. I think sometimes you need to give a bit of tough love although my son unfortunately will use all him money to buy camera film rather than food so it can be a bit of a worry at times.

Various things people I know did immediately after graduating:

• Quite a few (including me) stayed in our uni city, got a full time entry-level office job. Some of these did this while they applied for grad schemes or figured out what they really wanted to do, others have progressed in their companies to more interesting roles.
• stayed in our uni city, got a full time job at nandos/in a cafe/ as a waitress while they applied for grad schemes or figured out what they wanted to do
• got a job offer or grad scheme in various fields in London, so moved there
• Moved home and worked in a bar or cafe to save money for travelling. After a year or 2 of that they have now got “proper” jobs and moved out of home, one in her home town with her boyfriend and one into a house share in London
• got a full time job in a random town they had always wanted to live in
• moved home and worked as a carer to save money to do graduate entry medicine

The prospect of finishing university and feeling like we had to decide what we wanted to do with the rest of our lives made so many of us freak out - but it’s actually all been fine when we just chose what we were happy to do for the next year or two rather than deciding on a whole career path!

One has a job already sorted for when he graduates; he will easily find employment and I don't expect to ever live at home again. The younger has a year to go after this and plans to do a PGCE and teach, preferably in their current uni region as it's much cheaper than where we live, but they will have to come home if necessary. We would also rather they didn't but they do like being here. Their peers are about 50/50 further study and working. Most of those working are doing graduate jobs but two are working retail/hospitality. I only know of two who are living with parents and they are both paying rent. I don't know of anyone who is being supported by their parents.

@CountTo10 that's useful advice thank you. My son's degree is in a similar type subject so I anticipate similar!

My parents helped me financially when I left home at 18 and went to work, and I was very grateful for it.

In fact even in later life when times got tough, they would help out if needed.

I will be doing the same for my DS's if they need me to when they have finished their degrees.

Not sure why anyone would just cut off financial support if it was still needed and the parents could afford it

I think this is very normal. There can be several months between student finance finishing and needing to put down a deposit on a new place. Some people will require a new wardrobe of smart clothes or office 'uniform' that they don't have the money for. You made it clear that it is an expectation of brevity, you weren't offering to pay his mortgage for the next 25 years!

DS graduates this year- he hopes to find a job in London so we have said he can some tune at home without bills as the commute to London from where we are is hideously expensive. I’m happy to help while he’s actively job searching and while he finds his feet. Like the OP, I don’t really want him moving home permanently so will be encouraging him to find a house share in London.

he hasn’t had any success with graduate schemes so is going to be applying for entry level jobs. I think it could be very hard.

DD1 will graduate this year and plans to do a Masters in London - we live here and she'll be moving back home for the year. We're happy for her to live at home while she's in the early stages of a career, it makes no sense for her to be paying London rents when we have space at home for her and we're quite central so it's a good location for studying and grad jobs.

We'll be giving her some financial support as a young adult, mainly because we have excess income and it's tax-efficient to do so now.

My dd stayed in her uni town - but by this point in the year she and her bf had both found jobs in the area. While the niceness of the town vs your home town is a valid factor, so is the jobs market in your DCs field, hopefully your DS has factored that in?

We gave some initial support as it's a significant step which may require a bit of capital expenditure- the main one being that we got my car serviced and sold it to her for a favourable price, iirc paid the first years insurance too because the public transport to her workplace wasn't great. Their first house rental needed a guarantor, the BFs dad did that but that's the sort of support that may be invaluable as it can be very hard to find a halfway decent rental in some cities straight out of uni.

In theory of course parents encourage their adult children to be independent.

In reality the landscape has changed enormously. Anyone over 45 who is thinking 'i did it on my own so can they' has missed the astronomical increase in rents, the increase in graduates fighting for a shrinking pool of jobs paying enough to service student debt and astronomical rents etc.

Of course it's natural to help adult children financially if you can afford it. Parents are the 6th biggest lender after all.

And the job market is tough - even focused, prepared, skilled, diligent graduates are struggling to find secure work that pays a viable wage.
They're not lazy. They're dealing with an economic climate created by the generation before and successive governments who turned homes into hedge funds.
Save your ire for them rather than the OP.

Daughter graduated last year and is doing nannying work while in between jobs in the area of work she wants to go into. It's a creative industry so it's not necessarily full time employment. But she know she needs to earn when not employed in her industry of choice.
The only time I pay her way is when she's home on a visit. When she comes to see us I pay for meals out etc and will do a big shop for her to take back.
Otherwise, she pays her own way.

Thank you @Decisionsdecisions1 appreciated

Thanks for all these helpful posts, it's useful 🙂

DS graduates this year and is on a degree apprenticeship. He hasn’t left home yet and can commute to his University and work place. He pays £50 per week rent and is saving for a house deposit. We are going travelling as retired early so he will be house sitting and will carry on working. It’s been a huge relief that he got on the apprenticeship as he starts adult life with no debt.

I think if people have left and then return sometimes it can be hard even if people get on well with their parents.

I want to back up what @Decisionsdecisions1 has written. DH and I had zero student debt. My room in a shared house was £35 per week in the mid 1990’s it was a bit of a dump in a bad postcode in Birmingham, but I was earning about 16k per annum then. It’s just not comparable at all, I feel really sorry for young people.

My son graduated last year so he’s still a fairly fresh graduate. He really wanted to stay in his uni town too and house share with the friends he made there but didn’t have a job in time to sign the contract so came back home. He’s still here (I charge a nominal amount) he has a job now and his plan is to move back to his uni town. One thing that wasn’t going to happen was subsidising him financially so he could stay in his preferred city.