Wallowing in the past

[EarthhsignT]

TW: pregnancy termination discussed (not in detail)

A few years ago when my eldest was 8mo I found out I was pregnant. Accidentally so I was terrified. I go to my mum for advice who says I won’t be able to do it, 2 sets of nursery fees will be awful as she won’t be able to have 2 kids on her day off and help (she didn’t even have DS tbh lol) and I just went into overdrive panic and thought I can’t do this

I terminated at 7 weeks 4 days I remember exactly I remember what my due date would’ve been and even weirder I found out I was pregnant with my youngest on the date that would’ve been my due date with the baby I terminated.

I do feel regret. I flash forward now and I actually have another baby. DS is 3 and I’m so blessed with him and his little sister. What happened. Things worked out and I am coping with 2 my anxiety is managed so much better and I feel proud.

but this has sent me back to the past and made me think how I could’ve done it , why did I instantly assume I couldn’t? My mental health was really bad but I could’ve worked on it

I just mentally didn’t feel that I could cope with an age gap that short. I was so scared I’d get depressed and then that’s my 2 youngest kids affected because I wouldn’t be me.

but I just feel some sadness when I remember

I’m sure it’s normal to be thinking what if. But you made a decision based on your circumstances at the time. If the thoughts don’t ease up consider talking to a therapist about it.
Please don’t be too hard on yourself. Xx

OP, something similar happened to a girlfriend of mine. She found herself pregnant when her 1st baby was 9 months old. The relationship with her partner was failing and they later broke up.

Being a very organised and decisive person, she swiftly booked a termination. She said over & over "I cannot do this; I can't deal with another baby now". It was terrible at the time. I won't go into the horrible circumstances she had to go through for the procedure itself. However she had no regrets.

She later found a new partner and had her 2nd child.

Regrets are normal! But do not punish yourself for this. We can only make decisions based on the info we have at the time.

Love to you X

Thanks all. It’s hard at night when my kids are asleep and I’m alone. Thoughts creep in

thats another factor. At the time me and DH had nearly split up and worked through it and I just thought if we had another baby so close we could split up and struggle further

weve even struggled slightly after our youngest recently. It happens. I am mentally stronger now I feel

but sometimes it’s a punch in the gut when I think what if