I don’t want my DC in nursery but can’t afford to be a SAHM

[weeblewooble]

That’s it, that’s the post.

Thinking about what I’ll do when I go back to work. I can afford to drop my hours as it will only affect our disposable income but I don’t know if that’s wise given how expensive things are getting, cost of living crisis is showing no signs of abating. There are a million reasons why I don’t want my child in nursery before age 2. I found a good childminder but that isn’t going to work out. Sourcing another is extremely tricky as most are all booked up and there aren’t many locally.

We do have family help locally but they wouldn’t have her full time and nor would I expect them to. DH works weekends and has some days off in the week, so I suppose we are more fortunate than most.

No point to this post just wanting to vent and talk to others in the same situation!

Try to sort a nanny share? Can work brilliantly.

Ooh what is this? Sorry I don’t have any knowledge of nannies

Why don’t you want your child to go to a nursery?

I think there is a lot of fear-mongering about nurseries.

I found a good childminder but that isn’t going to work out.

why?

and the ones all booked up… for how long?

so very limited time at. nursery anyway

with her dad for 2 days a week
with family member 1 day a week
and then with you 1 day?

I’ve worked in a number of nurseries and personally (emphasis on personally) I don’t like them for under 2s at all.

That’s true, actually. If I dropped to 3 days then potentially with me two. The only issue is her dad has different days off each week as his shift pattern varies

The why is that she’s oversubscribed herself by accident

Two families, one nanny. The nanny looks after all the DC together and the two families split the cost.

It sounds like she'll hardly be at nursery anyway? Like a pp said, there can be fear mongering, usually from those who have never used one or worked in a few bad ones and assume that all are the same.

Mine go to nursery full time and are thriving. If you pick the right nursery, it can really be a great experience.

Have you considered setting up as a childminder yourself, given you have childcare experience?

I would be interested in hearing your reasons though.

op you don’t seem to have given this all very much thought

Was going to say this.

That might be a good idea, I never thought. Not sure our house is big enough but sure people do it in all sorts of houses.

Personally the ones I have seen, the babies always seem overlooked and don’t get the individualised homely care I feel would benefit them. Babies would be taken outside less than older children, all put to sleep at the same time and fed at the same time (if weaned), didn’t really follow children’s individual needs. There’s no social benefit to them being around other kids under the age of about 2.5 anyway, though that’s slightly child dependent. I am sure there are a few exceptional nurseries out there for very tiny children but of the lot I saw, they were great for older toddlers and preschool children only.

You would have to employ that person to work for you and it is expensive (more than nursery!. As you are their employer you have to pay NI, pension etc. Nanny Tac was super helpful is arranging pay slips etc.

You would then either find someone to share your nanny. So they would be in Your home and the other child would come to you or vice versa if the other person employed the nanny.

It can be brilliant but there is more expense and effort involved and I absolutely used the free hours when my kid turned three to ensure socialisation.

I think most mums feel like this. I know I certainly did. The drop offs were horrible but we had no alternative. We were able to use family one day, me one day, DH one day which left nursery for the remaining 2.

It all worked out fine though. Best of luck.

I was also going to suggest becoming a child minder. It sounds like there’s a need where you live and that you have childcare experience.

you have worked in multiple nurseries
you have “never heard of a nanny share”
you have no knowledge about nannie’s
you hadn’t realised that with your husband working weekends meaning he’d be free during the week PLUS one day with a family member PLUS you having a day or two - would actually mean very limited time at nursery anyway

just pause op. get out a pen and paper and just think

you’ve started the thread without seemingly have given this more than 2 minutes thought!

Well most people who use nurseries for their babies don’t usually have much choice OP so I don’t think your post will be doing much for their confidence but the fact is you have to either use one, become a SAHM or, as pp have suggested, become a childminder yourself. I wouldn’t choose a childminder who was looking after their own child as I don’t feel that they would give my child the right amount of attention but I am sure there are people who wouldn’t mind, especially if there aren’t many in your area.

Did you work in the baby rooms? When looking at nurseries, you can ask about all of that and what they generally do.

At DC's nursery, they asked if we had a routine and were always thrilled that we had one so the keyworker could follow it as closely as possible. They dropped DS's napped when we asked etc but have never had any issues with food times because they tend to be at typical times anyway.

Love this!! People think they know it all but obviously don't. I've worked in nurseries and still put my child in. She was under 2 and half as well! Good for their social skills and interaction

My DC nursery had a dedicated baby room and were fantastic. DC were well looked after and had good experience even though under 2.

Did you work in a baby room? As I find your comment about 'no social benefit' being around other children odd.

We made it work at the hardest time when the credit crisis struck.
Yellow sticker food, lots of scouting stuff for free,tesco vouchers for days out, it went so fast and seems like a different life I've been back at work for nearly ten years and will probably solidly work for another 30 at least.

We are not materialistic and managed with what we have.

What was your plan when you got pregnant? Given that you work in nurseries and knew you didn't want your baby in one, presumably you knew then you'd need a childcare plan that didn't involve them?

Have you actually visited any nurseries near you? Had a look at local groups for recommendations? I know there are some awful ones, but ours was absolutely lovely for babies and up.

Personally I was never keen on the idea of a childminder for a baby - you never know who's in their house and there isn't the oversight you get in a nursery.

I agree. I would not have chosen nursery for my DD either.
Definitely think about becoming a child minder. Lots only have small houses.