Emetophobia - handhold please

[TenLittleLadybirds]

I see these threads and now it’s my turn.
3 year old (likely autistic son, awaiting assessment) had a sickness bug in mid December and now again at 3am he’s being sick. And I have emetophobia. And I’m 25 weeks pregnant.

I have had a streaming cold this weekend so when he woke up at 1.30am snotty and coughing I didn’t think much of it. But has now vomited twice and looks white as a sheet. I’ve done all the practical stuff - put laundry on, changed bedsheets, he’s now on the sofa watching Gruffalo. But now I’ve finished the logistics (for now!!!) I’m very anxious and pacing around.

I know I need to be calm for him so he doesn’t get my phobia and this is especially important as he may be neurodiverse and can get dysregulated. I know this phobia doesn’t make any sense to people who don’t have it - I’m on medication and have had countless NHS and private therapists over the last 25 years.

I don’t have any family support within 3 hours drive and my husband works long long hours and is revising for further professional exams in his time off work. He’s patient with me but he doesn’t get it, obviously.

I guess I’m just anxious I’ll get sick too , especially as pregnant and will be looking after son whilst husband works etc.

thanks for reading , I know I’m pathetic !

Not pathetic at all. Sorry your son is poorly and that you are feeling anxious. I have this too and find cleaning everything thoroughly helps keep my mind busy and allays some worries. I have three children now and have v rarely caught their bugs so it’s by no means an inevitable thing. When someone is sick in our house I tend to limit my diet to bland and light foods for a few days in case I get sick but I think this is probably a pretty disordered response and not a particularly healthy coping mechanism!

hopefully your son isn’t sick again and it’s just his cold. Hope you’re okay

Sending you a big hug and handhold! 💐

Sending you hugs.
And also a different way of thinking about it… like you say, your number one job right now is not to pass your fear on. This might actually be really helpful for you. It is a maternal drive not to injure our kids, so harness that, put on your best smile and try out some,‘vomiting sucks but you’ll be better soon’ lines for your son and ‘fake it until you make it’ that you believe it is true.
You have got this. Good luck.

Thank you for being so lovely everyone 😭

He was just being sick again and I just kept saying "well done, brave boy" over and over whilst trying not to lose my mind!!!!!

I didn't catch the December bug so praying I don't catch this one but obviously my mind will be playing tricks on me for the next few days. My anxiety manifests as nausea anyway so it's all one big negative cycle.

The irrational part of me wishes we hadn't been out doing activities the last few days as then he wouldn't have caught anything but obviously I cant and wouldn't keep him locked away inside (picturing the boy from The Secret Garden!).

13 hours since it started and he's still being sick and more miserable now. Our washing machine has packed up - you couldn't write it. Have a new one coming Wednesday afternoon . Christ knows what to do before then.

He hasn't been drinking, should I do syringes of fluid? I know if I have a health question I should phone 111 but worried they'll say ED and my son (and the struggling local hospital) won't cope sitting being sick in ED for 12 hours or whatever (and just brings in unnecessary viruses to them)

It's been 48 hours since it started . He was fine yesterday (Tuesday) , eating , drinking being energetic as normal.

But he's now vomited twice in last 30 minutes . I can't believe this. I'm so tired . 25 weeks pregnant . Husband not helping.
DS is snotty (we've had streaming colds at same time as all this) and doesn't blow his nose so hoping that's what is making him sick but that's what I was telling myself 48 hours ago 😭

Please someone reply, whole world is asleep right now it seems apart from me and DS

I’m awake OP. I’m sorry you are going through this x

First thing first: you are bloody brilliant. You dread this (I know, I’m emetophobic too) and this is your worst nightmare. And you are doing it and have done it and you are going to keep coping and looking after your son. Well done you.

Gently, your husband needs to step up and help you. People are more important than exams and there is no reason you should take all this burden on your own. You are tired and pregnant and he can help you: make him and/or let him!

He's guilt tripped me saying what if he makes a mistake at work (he's medical). And instead of helping just been arguing with me from his room (we sleep apart - I literally do all childcare) about why he shouldn't help because I don't work.

Golly. Has it occurred to him that the time spent getting cross and arguing might have been better spent (and be more calming for everyone) being Cooperative? And if he is medical, what sort of a professional will he be if he meets a patient in your position?

I hate this, you stay at home you cope attitude. You are supposed to be a partnership, in it together. Your child is a joint enterprise.

I hope you can take strength from knowing you are coping in this difficult situation. That’s my main message. I rather hope you leave your husband because he doesn’t seem nice to you. You deserve better.

thank you so much for replying - I feel like the whole world is asleep and I feel so lonely.

He’s incredibly conscientious at work, and tends to worry about patients. But at home he’s the opposite! Very relaxed when our son is ill or when I had pre eclampsia etc.

I’m a SAHM so I’m financially dependent on him - tale as old as time! I think kindness and empathy from him would go a long way , even if he didn’t give any more practical help .

OP this is very common with a sickness bug where the child perks up and then has a relapse within usually within the 24-72hr time frame. You say he was eating and drinking yesterday, whatever he's had has probably just been a little too much or too heavy for a sensitive recovering tummy. I also have emetophobia and without my husband's help when sickness strikes I honestly couldn't cope, I do the practical parts of washing, getting glasses of water, getting the sick bowl, fresh pyjamas etc whatever is needed and my DH does the actual being with the child and cleaning the sick, there is just no way I could do that part. I honestly feel for you with your husband behaving this way, does he know about your phobia? I hope for patients sakes he's not going into mental health field!

And the fact that your washing machine has packed in, well that's just an extra fuck you from the universe. A week from now this will all be over ❤️

Thank you - I didn't know about the relapse thing. Was so scary to think I'd gotten over the worst of it and then all of a sudden back to square one.

Husband does know about my phobia but he's not very warm/empathetic generally (odd childhood). And no he doesn't work in psychiatry - no way would he cope!!!

I co sleep with my son in his room and husband sleeps in 'our ' room... we moved here six months ago and I've never slept in there.

Son and I have been awake since half 1. I find it so hard to relax ... I thought he was going to sleep about 10 minutes ago and then he sat up and started coughing over his towel 🫠 wasn't sick though.

I hate this , we're day 3 now when does it end

How is he within himself? Is he very weak or OK? I have the same phobia so I understand. Once my son was quite poorly and I ended up taking him to the GP as he wasn't getting better (usually you expect 24 hrs for a vomiting bug). Turned out he had tonsillitis and needed antibiotics. That had caused the vomiting rather than a tummy bug. Could something like that be possible, given that you're on day 3?

You are doing amazing. I can say that my phobia is significantly better, and that is down to exposure unfortunately! I've had to deal with so many now over 14 years of having kids. I find keeping the sick 'contained' immensely helpful. So, I have 2 sick buckets handy in the house at all times. Always have sick bags available in the car. If a child is poorly the bucket goes straight to them, then I pass the clean one to them whilst washing out the other. No mess, no smell, and very good for infection control!

I hope things get better really soon. Lots of deep breathing, distract yourself however you can, relaxing music. Your DH sounds a bit shit tbh. Not at all caring.

Oh and just to point out, when they are young they can be sick on and off for days on end, so don't worry too much. Their tummies are super sensitive, compared to older children so it takes a while to get back to normal. I remember 5 days with DD once.

Good morning @TenLittleLadybirds I hope you and DS have got a bit of sleep.

I have Emet too and honestly nobody knows what you go through except other sufferers, so I feel your pain immensely. I think you are doing wonderfully in very trying circumstances, what a fantastic mum you are.

The washing machine is shit, thank goodness a new one arrives today.

Your husband is a selfish one, but I'm sure you know that already.

Keep going. You're doing so so well.

Yea it's happened to my son a few times with a sickness bug where he relapses, I now know not to let him have anything heavy or sweets/chocolate for about 48hrs after a tummy bug, just plain foods.

Gosh, that must be so hard on you op. This was well discussed with my husband before we ever had children that I absolutely could not tolerate cleaning up sick and it doesn't bother him in the slightest, as I say I feel guilty so I try to do the other practical tasks involved.

Thank you everyone for your kind and well thought out posts. The relapse thing is so cruel! Let your guard down and bam 😭
He hasn't vomited since 3am but had a lot of diarrhoea this morning. No solid foods just lots of ice lollies and some diarolyte.

It's hideous the amount of telly he's watched this week - and I'm not someone who is even careful with screen time 🤣 Will probably get an Australian accent from Bluey

Have sobbed to a community midwife on the phone who was exceptionally kind. Someone from the team will come to see me tomorrow as I just feel such a state and I did have postnatal anxiety last time. Hoping this will prompt husband to be more supportive (that might sound manipulative of me and who knows maybe it is).

You have survived, you’ll carry on surviving. A bit extra telly for a few days is ok.

im so glad you reached out for support, well done you. When those around you who SHOULD support you don’t do so, it makes it harder to ask. Your husband is a fool. You are one very capable lady. Ask yourself what he brings to the party. Is money a fair pay off for a lack of empathy?