cms

[kitty197727]

how much do you think a 13 year old boy costs per month for the following ....

food
school uniform/shoes
clothes
haircuts
school trips
mobile phone top up pay as you go
usual household bills ie water and electric

the reason for this question is why do CMS calculate what a father or mother has to pay the other parent depending on their wage , surely a child doesn't cost more a month dependent on what you earn?

Well they probably do a bit, in terms of people usually cut their cloth according to their income history more or less. But other than that there's no point asking people for money they don't have I guess.

@Whatatodo79 my husband has had to pay £250 pm for 2 years which is stupid as his son does not cost that much and the ex has quiet openly said she doesn't need the money but will use it to take her son on holiday which she has which really is not what CMS is for. as far as we are concerned cms are not fair on some parents. before his ex got in contact with cms everything worked well. for 4 years she managed she works 16 hours per week, as we had my step son 50 % of the time and my husband paid for all his needs so all she had to pay for was his food when he was with her and if she wanted to take him for days out ect she paid from her own money. once CMS became involved she said his son only stayed over night 4 times a month when he informed CMS of this and said it was 50/50 they said if the mother doesnt agree we will go with what she tells us so he went to court to try and get a 50/50 court order but unfortunatly even with that he still had to pay £250 pm. anyway since aug last year my step son who is nearly 13 has wanted to stay over more than his mums eg he stays over night with us around 20-23 nights a month he is with us so in dec he messged the ex to say that due to their son staying considrably more at ours than hers he felt that he shoud just go back to how it was before CMS and that he would just pay for all his needs and that he would let CMS know she said he didnt need to let them know but he has. he hasn't paid any direct payments to her for dec and jan which she hasn't asked for any money yet CMS have re calculated that although his son stays with us more he still needs to pay the mum which has gone down to £160 pm. he has said he is the one who is finacially responsable which now the ex doesn't agree with, he has also informed them that his son walks back to ours everyday after school even if its his night at his mums. we share the holidays. we try and encourage him to spend more time with his mum but he says he gets bored. ( she refuses to have a tv at home and he still sleeps on a matteress on the floor in her room she wont buy him a bed although she can afford it she was happy to spend the monry on taking him to the phillapines and america and on a cruise though!!) also over xmas he just spent xmas eve and xmas day night with her as it was his xmas with her although he was with us by choice half of xmas day. then he was with us from boxing day until monday 6th jan as the mother was away which was lovely but then on her first first weekend with him she worked the sat and he came back to ours today which of course is fine but she doesnt really seem to want to spend much time with him. personally i do not understand how or why a father has to pay CMS to the mother if the child spends most of his time with us and we are happy to pay for everything ( except money for her to take him on holiday) parents are equally resonsible for their children she could work full time and not claim benefits. i will never understand why quiet often the father has to pay out so much to the mother and why CMS quiet often sides with the mother. ive seen the truth ive been with my husband 6 years and his ex has been awful to him and has constantly lied to CMS. i have also seen how crap dads can be and how the mothers dont get what they should from the childs father.personally i think CMS are a bad system. alot of men have commited suicide because finacially they cannot afford the cms payments and they have been happy to see their children more i also think how they calculate what a parent has to pay going on their earnings is so wrong!!! sorry to rant but they need to re think cms. i could say alot more but thats enough for a sunday night.

If your step-son is living primarily with you, then your husband needs to get the child benefit claim in his name and also put a claim in to CMS for maintenance from the child's other parent.
I'm not understanding why at 50/50 there was a need for any money to go either way.

@Justkeepingplatesspinning

Thanks for your reply
Tbh we don't understand it either. My husband is going to be speaking to cms in the next few weeks as he initially did have the child benefit as when he split with his son and step daughters ex the children were with him mainly so it was given to him then 4 years after the split the ex went to CMS and my husband said instead of CMS she can have the child benefit and he will continue to pay for all his sons needs. But unfortunately the ex didn't agree so has the child benefit and the CMS well un until 2 months ago but CMS are saying he still needs to pay her each month even though his son is primarily with us. The CMS don't seem to take that into consideration. Also the ex knows that she can have more money towards holidays if she has CMS and that's what is so frustrating in how they calculate what my husband has to pay I mean let's face it a child weather they are 5 or 15 isn't going to cost £160 pm or the £250 she was getting for 2 years. to clothe, feed ect we don't have to pay for child care as he is full time school then between the three of us and grandparents and his 17 year old sister we all cover the holidays. I believe that alot of money that these women and men receive isn't being spent correctly and that's why some of these parents love having CMS so that they can also fund holidays which is a luxury not an assesity! The whole system is wrong. I think CMS needs to be looked at as there are many parents that aren't being treated fairly and who are great parents and spend so much time with theor kids and are happy to pay for their needs. There are also too many parents who are on benefits they shouldn't be. I'm sorry but I cannot tell you the stress my husbands ex has caused and I don't think it's right the CMS have allowed her to have so much money and it's generally being spent on holidays. Hopefully in time my husband will be listened to and we can go back properly to buying all his needs and have then child benefit back or she can have that which is enough money to feed him when he is with her and she can put some money away for other stuff if she wants we are more than happy to pay for all his clothes, uniforms , school trips ect. Sorry to rant it horrible seeing the truth but yet the system doesn't support or listen to the parent who is being honest. I appreciate at times it's hard to know who to trust and believe but they need to start investigating things more.

Back in the early 90s a colleague killed themselves because of the new CSA coming into force. He had been quietly paying for a child born as a result of an affair, wife none the wiser. He asked CSA could they send to work address. They said no. It was one of the first directly related suicides I think, I remember the press being outside the church. Awful business and could have been avoided. It really seems that they've got things wrong for your family.

If DS is living with you then your partner shouldn't be paying CM but why do you think children should only have the bare minimum from their non resident parent? No, holidays are not a necessity but why would your partner not want his DS to have a holiday? I think men who only want to give their kids the minimum are awful.

So he had an affair, fathered a child but didn't want his wife to know his grubby little secret. I'm not saying he deserved to die over it but that is all his own doing, if you make your bed then lie in it.

Awful he killed himself, but also awful to say he did it because CMS sent him a letter.

@DorianMeile he left a note saying that was why.

Yes but if the wife's friend had told her he was having an affair he'd probably still have ended his life. You wouldn't then blame the friend. It's because he got caught, which he probably would've done eventually. I don't think anyone deserves to die prematurely but blaming his death on CMS seems wildly unfair.

@Justkeepingplatesspinning

I'm so sorry to hear about than man. I know CSA had alot that they did wrong back then so they got rid of it but came back under the new name CMS and still don't seem to be fair with parents. Hopefully things will change we can only but hope.

@Beezknees the point is the money that my husband has paid his ex over the past 2 years was more than enough for his child's needs which included his holidays which CMS money isn't for its to pay for a child's, clothes , food, school trips and towards household bills. But because the money he was requested to pay by the CMS (going on waht he earns) baring in mind his son spent 50/50 with us and her was more than what was needed for things so the ex used most of the money to take her son on holiday why should his father have to pay she should be paying to take him on holiday the same as if she wants to take him to a theme park or out for a meal it should come out of her wages. My husband and I didn't ask her for money when we took him to france last year and we wouldnt ask her for money to take him out for the day. We would love to have taken him on more holidays but because he was paying the ex so much he couldn't afford to do certain things with his son. Ultimately if a child is spending equal time with both parents and especially if my husbands son from 6 months ago is staying primarily with us neither parent should pay the other. My husband is happy to pay for his child clothes and school trips so that the ex doesn't have to pay for those things. But what we don't agree with is that the money he has been paying was way more than what it costs per month for a child to be clothed and fed ect. Hence why my husbands ex wanted CMS MONEY and not for my husband just to buy everything he needs like he did for the first 4 years after they split but with CMS money she knows that only around £50 is needed to feed and cloth her child so she could put the rest in her pocket and go on holidays and clothes for herself. She told my husband and my mother in law she didn't need the money and that it's nice to have the money to go on holiday but why should my husband pay for everything and she she doesn't use her own money!! Father's should not have to pay for everything the mother should pay half too!! Also to bare in mind is that they were together for 10 years she had a 2 year old when he met her and so for those 10 years the now ex didn't have to work my husband when he was with her paid for everything and also for his step daughter and although his step daughters dad paid the mum money my husband never asked or expected a penny. We all have a story to tell and yes there are 2 sides to every story but I promise you if you had been in our situation over the past 3 years you would be supporting our situation. The money a parent has to pay the other parent should be capped anyway. But as stated if my husband is happy to pay for all his sons needs then what's the problem it means that the only thing she has to pay for when her son is only with her 6-10 nights a month is his food and if she wants to take him on holiday she can use the child benefit to help pay for that.