To think that DH should really have discussed this with me first

[Blanketyfrank]

Morning,

dh went out with his lad friends last night. One of them has a big birthday this year so they decided that they want to go for a weekend in Benidorm! One of them looked online and at some point over the night they booked it!!

now I’ve no issue with him going. We’ve both had weekends away with friends before- no jealousy issues etc. my problem is that he booked it and paid his deposit before it was discussed. I just see it as a respect thing- aibu?

We keep separate finances so it wouldn't be an issue here. I have just had a confession from mine that last night after a few beers he ordered a new printer that he wouldn't have done if he was sober. Buyers remorse has kicked in.

We'd always check as we have kids who have hobbies so often both parents are needed to ferry them everywhere.

Rubbish. My partner and I totally respect each other, enough that we know what we each have going on, and we already know what's convenient for our joint lives.
Really odd to assume that booking a trip without prior permission means you'll cheat on your partner. Can only assume you've done that or your partner has, for you to be so sensitive about it 🤷‍♀️

Should have checked with you first in case there were any plans around then,tbh.

Two words to make life easier: shared calendar.

Why do you keep phrasing it in terms of " asking permission "?
As I've already stated its about discussion and acknowledging you are in a partnership so your actions necessarily affect your partner in some way.
If you and your partner live independent lives and it works for you then great. But fir a lot of people a partnership is just that: a partnership where decisions atr discussed and agreed.
I have no idea whether OP's partner will cheat or not. I'm questioning why a married man wants to go on a weekend holiday with friends who OP describes as " lads" I.e immature , to well known stag destination and all that stag destinations imply. And the fact he has done this without even discussing it with her shows how little her opinion matters to him.

Yes he should have checked with you but as you say you would be fine with it and so he probably just got swept up and didn’t think.

I’m sure if there was something on at that time he would have already known about it.

I would let it go as it wasn’t malicious and there was no harm done.

@Joyfulspringflowers is your DP "allowed" out at all? If a DP is going to cheat on you they are going to do it at home or away. Trust me I know! My ex couldn't keep it in his pants.

Allowed? What are you talking about ?
How does me expecting my DH not to book a holiday without doing me the courtesy of discussing it with me first translate into not " allowing " him to do things.
And of course people can cheat anywhere.
But that doesn't alter the fact that groups of men go on holiday to certain destinations described as " stag destinations" with the specific intention of behaving like single men. OP's DH has chosen to do this so you have got to wonder why. If my DH wanted to go on such a holiday then of course I couldn't and wouldn't stop him. But he wouldn't be the man I married and I would not want to be in a relationship with a man who wanted that life style.

I've done this a couple of times and dp is not the father of dc (dc father is dead, so dp looks after dc when I'm away) and it hasn't been an issue. I think unless there are other problems with your husband doing minimal parenting / household stuff or financial issues then it's no big deal

Do you have children? If so, then yeah I think if one of you is going away it needs to be discussed because it's not just a holiday for one, it's additional work/responsibility for the other.

If not, and finances are not an issue with this holiday, then I think it's fine.