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DS - anxiety, attention seeking or something else?

4 replies

MooChops89 · 11/01/2025 20:38

DS is 4 and in Reception. He went back to school on Tuesday after the Xmas break and was absolutely fine. Wednesday i got a call from school to say he'd been crying since he took his coat off and was everything OK at home. They let him lie down in the reading corner and he was fine after that. I assumed it was just that he'd been out of the usual routine over Xmas and we'd spent lots of time together as a family and now he's having to go back to school and leave his toys / games console etc.

Now every morning since then he's been beside himself about going to school. He'll start in the evening saying he doesn't want to go to school tomorrow, and in the morning he'll be beside himself while getting ready.
I've asked him why he doesn't want to go to school and it's a different reason each time, ranging from "it's boring" to "i miss you when I'm at school". He says he gets a tickle in his tummy and it makes him cry, which makes me think he's got some anxiety over it.

I don't think he's being bullied and teachers certainly haven't flagged any concerns about bullying or his behaviour at school, I think he generally just coasts along with no issues.

He has a tendency to overthink - he seems to be frightened of everything at the moment, from sleeping in his room alone to whether the animals at the zoo are going to be behind glass or not.

He likes to repeat things - if something happened in a particular way he wants it to be like that each time, e.g. DH took him to watch football and got him a particular chocolate bar and drink and he asks for them both whenever they go to watch football now (there are other similar examples of this).

DH thinks he might have ADHD but I think he's generally a typical 4yo - wants things his way and doesn't always do what he's asked, happy and sociable, normal tantrums, interspersed with the behaviours I've described above.

I don't know what to do with him - he's cried for almost an hour this evening about school because his sister mentioned the word. I'm not sure if he's genuinely anxious or if he's repeating a behaviour that's got him some attention.

I'm going to speak to his teacher on Monday, but in the meantime I'd really appreciate any advice as nothing I say to him seems to reassure him - he's easily distracted and then is happy until he thinks about it again and sets himself off!

How can I help him?

Thanks if you made it this far!

OP posts:
Nn9011 · 11/01/2025 22:22

School avoidance in itself isn't enough to diagnose ND but it is very common in neuro divergent children. If your DH has suspicions it might be worth exploring the symptoms, try to see if they happen both at home and in school.
Some of the things you've mentioned can be related to ADHD like being easily distracted, over thinking etc.. Thinking something always happens because it happens once again isn't only amongst Nd children but it can be a sign of needing routine or being literal and assuming because something is done one way it will always be that way.

It's also worth remembering that ADHD is usually genetic, sometimes parents will be undiagnosed ADHD or autism so seeing things as 'normal' behaviour can be a red herring because it's normal from an undiagnosed POV.

MooChops89 · 11/01/2025 22:58

Thanks for replying. I think the school avoidance is throwing me because it seems to have come out of nowhere since going back after Xmas.

It's interesting you say about undiagnosed ADHD in parents as it is something I've been considering about myself recently.

OP posts:
SprigatitoYouAndIKnow · 11/01/2025 23:02

It might be the realisation that this is his life now. Starting school was a new game to begin with, but then he got the Christmas break and you sent him back. Understanding permanence is a lot to take on when you are only 4.

DrRuthGalloway · 11/01/2025 23:08

"it's not surprising that you felt sad that morning, we had such a lovely time over Christmas didn't we? And going back to school is different because you aren't with Mummy and Daddy. Lots of children your age miss their Mummy and Daddy. But there are lots of good things about school as well, aren't there? Shall we try to think of a list? I can think of one....playing with your friends. Can you think of one?"

Plus look up your local authority EBSA guidance, just in case this isn't just a blip.

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