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Toxic colleague

13 replies

SickofBev · 10/01/2025 23:17

I work in a small team, all WFH, but part of a larger, private organisation. I'm the only full time person and work alone 2 days a week. Even my manager is part time. Bev, 'works' 2 days in my team. She is incredibly manipulative, selfish and wants to be the boss.

-She knows it all, then makes mistakes because she hasn't followed the training. The excuse is she only works 15hr a week- despite other team members doing the same.
-Bev always agrees to help other projects and take on extra work. Majority of the time, she won't help due to XYZ excuse and will just do our core work, whilst the rest of us have then been roped into doing these other projects.

  • She changed my finish time on the rota, so she could leave earlier for her weekly hobby. I said no. I generally started/left earlier, she was a CF to not ask beforehand and could change her own working day. This caused her to go off in a complete huff, how rude I was, how unhelpful etc.
-Bev texted me on her day off, asking me to pass on medical appointment dates to our boss. I said its private info and to contact our boss herself the next day when she was working. This again caused her to go off about how she was only asking a favour, how unreasonable I was and she would have done it for me. -Bev kept pushing I should take on an additional role. Think first aider or fire warden training for the team. She sent me the course info and training dates. I reminded her that we all WFH! We have no office, no one to provide first aid for- except myself! Once again, I was self fish and unreasonable to not take on extra things! -She has been caught lying about days off and why she needed to suddenly leave early. -These type of things, cause her to have a complete 'drama/meltdown day' when she doesn't get her way. She will either go off in a huff and no one can contact her, she will come back crying and bring up some BS story about why she hasn't been herself lately. Always a disproportionate excuse to explain her behaviour, which is forgotten the next day- despite it being the most unbelievable, horrendous event to ever happen. She doesn't even remember her own lies when we've asked the next day! 'How is your leg.' 'Its fine, I just got back from walking the dog, why do you ask?' 'Well yesterday, you said you'd fallen down the stairs and thought your leg was broken! That is why you had to leave early' 'Oh, yeah, umm, that's right, yes, well, its much better now! 🙄

I've considered a formal complaint, but each 'thing' she does isn't tangible enough and little evidence. We are all over 40 and Bev is in her 60's. Not sure why I'm writing this, but there are SO many more incidences which have caused myself and colleagues to hate working with Bev. Any advice appreciated if you've managed to read this far.

OP posts:
Dumbles · 11/01/2025 02:41

Bev sounds exhausting and immature but not toxic. She’s a pain in the ass to work with and you all know it.

I don’t get why you wouldn’t pass on the medical info to her manager.

Maybe you just need a word with your manager to say that Bev can’t really get involved with all the extra projects. I think you need to humour her a bit more though.

SnobblyBobbly · 11/01/2025 05:10

This is so strange as I almost posted about a colleague with similar traits earlier tonight.

I know why you didn't want to pass on the medical info, because she's trying to make you do yet one more 'small' thing that is not your responsibility. It's almost like a power thing. Mine is the same, asks me to do things/find things/send her things which she has the exact same access to.

Even asks me to remind her of the times of meetings by email that are in her outlook diary! Lazy.

Also she says she'll do things/drop something off/arrange something and never does, despite having explained at length over a huge voice note or phone call, how where and why she'll do it. Then the other person is in the wrong if they dare mention she didn't show up. She lies a lot too about things I don't even care about (usually related to her personal views which go from one extreme to the other every week) It's draining!

We also rarely share an actual office and only overlap occasionally- which happened to be yesterday which brought it all to the surface again.

I would (and I did) express my issues to the manager. Yes they are small things, but they have a knock on effect. I explained the negative impact her actions have on my time and also on our working relationship because I find it hard to trust what she says. My manager knows these things but isn't as directly affected. It became part of her action points, to recognise boundaries at work and take responsibility for her admin tasks (which are usually what she tries to fob off onto others).

She moaned to high heavens (at length) and I couldn't help but say 'Maybe this is what they mean Jill....'

She's gradually going back to her ways, it's who she is, but if it's affecting you, definitely escalate it, even the short term reprieve from my one was nice!

SnobblyBobbly · 11/01/2025 05:13

Just saw your username 😆

HelplessSoul · 11/01/2025 06:43

Document everything then grievance her sorry ass.

People like "Bev" should be sacked off. She is the epitome of workcunt.

ZippyDoodle · 11/01/2025 06:52

Tell her it is not your responsibility to pass on info about medical appointments. If she kicks ups about it, re-iterate the message on email and copy in your boss every time.

Who is going to get into trouble if you don't?

I'd stop answering calls. Let it go to voicemail then email her back with the answer. That way you have a history trail if you need it.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 11/01/2025 07:07

Why couldn't she pass on the medical appointment details to your boss herself? Are you the only one who has access to her email / phone?

I simply would not do anything or get involved with anything this woman says or does. Grey rock. Nod and smile. Just make sure she can't alter your working time again.

Sorry op. She sounds like a nightmare to work around.

AlphaApple · 11/01/2025 07:24

Sounds like you are handling it well. Ignore, know your boundaries. keep interactions short and don't let her affect your mood.

If she only works a few days a week you have a lot of Bev free time.

BilboBlaggin · 11/01/2025 07:34

Just carry on doing what you're doing - saying no to her. I'd probably keep some notes of things she does, with dates, so that if anything ever blows up you can document solid examples.

Igmum · 11/01/2025 07:41

Have a chat to her manager. She's not doing her job and she's annoying the f out of everyone else.

JustMyView13 · 11/01/2025 07:46

‘I don’t get why you couldn’t pass on medical information for Bev’

Because @SickofBev is not Bev’s PA. Bev could’ve sent that exact text to her own manager. Bev has a history of lying, so sick of Bev is better off staying well out of it all.

You could totally be talking about a lady I once worked with. Absolutely exhausting, but largely I just ignored her. She doesn’t move on, but it’s less tiring than engaging.

Cerialkiller · 11/01/2025 07:51

I would document with a time line.

Then seperate the mere annoyances (lying and tall tales) from the more serious issues that are effecting work for the rest of you.

So work absences, volunteering for projects that she then fobs off, the harassing you to do extra work that isn't in your remit.

I would argue that her tantrums are disruptive too and are a distraction from work.

She maybe genuinely struggling and her behaviour is the result of stresses and failing to cope, excuses etc. but if it's affecting the rest of you it needs to go higher.

I would approach it coldly and carefully mention only stuff the is effecting the work. Documenting how much time is being wasted hoe it's effecting the team. If any colleagues have raised similar issues, ask them if they mind joining you in your complaint or at least letting you add their name or statement.

SickofBev · 11/01/2025 14:26

Thanks everyone.

@Dumbles I don’t get why you wouldn’t pass on the medical info to her manager.
-Medical info should be private!
-I'm not her PA and have no access to her diary
-The appointment dates clashed with pre-planned meetings she has with our manager. It would have been a back and forth 'Well, would 11am Tue suit?'
'No, I have another meeting.' 'What about 2pm Wed then?' etc
-It was not an emergency. Bev could have logged into her own computer that day, texted the manager or just waited till the following day when she was working.

OP posts:
SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 11/01/2025 16:14

I think Bev just likes people doing stuff for her.

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