What's the best thing about being a mum?

[overthinkersanonnymus]

Hi everyone, I was hoping you could give me some rays of sunshine and encouragement.

My partner and I have ttc for 3 years and have a diagnosis of unexplained infertility. We now have some serious thinking to do about going down the IVF road.

I'm scared and I don't know if I want to do that. The drugs, the operations etc it's all too much for my anxiety, but we want a family.

In my time of wobbling, please can you tell me your best bits about beings a mum so I can get myself out of this scared funk!

Thank you x

Unexplained infertility and IVF (which is not always the silver bullet you hope) are hands down the two hardest things I've ever gone through in life. I'm so sorry you're going through it too, massive hand hold and sending lots of love.

IVF cost us a fortune and nearly broke me, but I would do it again in a heartbeat.

The best part so far has been watching this little person that you made go from a helpless potato that you would die to protect, into a helpless potato that gives you the best smiles you've ever seen, and then to a little character who says the funniest things and gives the most loving hugs. Watching them develop physical and mentally is just incredible.

I hope whatever choice you make, you are able to find peace with it.

For me....it's quite simply the purest, unconditional love.

I so hope things work out for you x

Cuddles is the best

Looking at one of our children and seeing a bit of me and a bit of my husband and other resemblances to our family members.

It's such a lovely feeling that we are all unique but all so similar, blind by our genes.

The firsts, when they are small.. from first smile, steps, words, their cuddles their absolute confidence in you.
Then watching them grow, learn become their own personalities.
Then once you've survived the teens, you get these amazing, awesome adults...that you somehow made, that are you, but not you... and if you got through parenting them ok you have family that just expands and grows and it is wonderful.
And if you are really lucky, they start having babies and you fall in love all over again.
It's tough at times, and you never ever stop worrying from their first breath (and I suspect to my last) but it is so worth it.
One of my adult kids are going through unexplained infertility too. It's so bloody unfair and I absolutely hope the best for whatever you decide xx

yes it’s tiring and there are challenging times but being a mum has changed me - for me it is a love I never knew existed, and the best thing for me is simply cuddling my kids or spending time with them, or when they call me mummy and sit on my lap, or when we go on day trips as a family.

theres a lot of truly lovely moments

The unconditional love of my DS
The pride I feel at seeing his successes
The stake it gives me in wanting to shape the future
Discovering I need to look up now when he hugs me
His glee when I make chocolate cake
His uncomplicated joy at throwing a snowball

He's 16 and I wouldn't have missed a second of it. 😊

This morning my toddler cuddled into me, whilst my baby lay on my stomach. She put her arm around the baby and we all lay there for 20 mins just cuddling and her chatting about Mickey Mouse and silly dreams she had. As I lay there I just knew we had created one of my favourite memories so far.

Goodluck with your journey, several close family members and friends did IVF and it was a long road but they have their miracle babies and don’t regret any moment of it .

It's bloody hard work. I have three late teens. They are still causing me immense stress and worry sometimes but I wouldn't swap the absolute privilege of being their mum for anything in the world. I have loved every stage up until now and feel
Blessed to feel such unconditional love in my life. I'm a giver though, I feel purposeful because I am part of something much bigger than serving myself. We're all different. Its not too late for you to have a child but it is an enormous commitment that you can't give up. You'd be knocking on 60 before they are less dependent on you. Can you face that?

My twins are ivf twins. I didn't find the process awful - uncomfortable yes and emotionally tricky. But I'd also had 5 years of ttc and multiple losses so the ivf was no worse than what I'd already gone through iyswim.

Being a mum is far and away the best thing i have ever done. Like out of sight the best. From when I was pregnant and child number 2 used to regularly kick me awake at 5.30 and it used to just be me and them both for an hour before anyone else was around, them kicking and squirming. To now when they decided on Boxing Day they wanted to cuddle with mummy together and piled on me on the sofa, age 15 and both 5-6 inches taller than me fighting to sit on my lap, crying with laughter.

Dd1 is feisty, incredibly switched on and resilient. She's a great friend, she's excelling at her hobbies and it's amazing to see her ambition. She's hands down the funniest person I have ever known. Dd2 is so different. Careful and considerate. She's been a bit of a worry at times but nurturing her and learning together how to get her in a good place has been incredibly rewarding and the sense of pride I feel yesterday when she came home and told me she had found a weekend job by herself was overwhelming. A huge thing to see her step forward.

And also, seeing dh be a dad is incredible too.

I'm getting a bit misty eyed now!

All the best with this if you do go down this route.

Don't get me wrong. It's tough. You lose yourself in those early years. You can be driven mad by sleep deprivation and not having time to yourself.
However, I dont regret it at all. I think for me, motherhood has brought me a lot of fulfilment. It's also brought me a focus in life. Before having children, I felt a little aimless. I had a lovely life but had very strong maternal feelings/instinct and almost felt that I needed to be a mother.
There are many happy moments with children. Moments of pure magic. I like having a family. Having tgis group of loved ones in my life is very rewarding.
Now I have a teenager and an almost teenager it's different. Not so cute and magical to have children that are irritated by me a lot of the time! But I'm still enjoying it, and am very much needed.

As @Zippidydoodah says. I didn't have kids til my 40s and it was a much bigger adjustment than I anticipated. And I discovered I'm not a natural mother - I resented it that much of my old life was discounted and after childbirth I was no longer Monday but X's or Y's mum. And it was very difficult when my DH passed sway suddenly when they had barely started school.
But I really cannot imagine life without them.

Well grandchildren aren't guaranteed are they? (That sounds very sniper! It isn't meant to). My MIL would absolutely agree.

@overthinkersanonnymus are you currently having any counselling? One of my oldest friends has unexplained secondary infertility and they've gone through a lot of counselling (some private, some NHS funded) to reach the decision not to go ahead with IVF.

I think you need some professional help navigating this.

FWIW I find being a parent 90% a relentless slog and 10% absolute pure joy. The 10% obviously outweighs any negatives.

its hard to choose a best bit. There’s nothing like the feeling of holding your own new born in your arms and stroking their soft baby hair.
watching their little characters develop as they grow.
teaching them things and watching their eyes light up.
helping them to explore their interests and develop who they are as individuals.
walking along side them as they grown into independent young people in their own right. Your love for them never changes but the relationship does. I had mine young and we have such a good time together now that they’re young adults. They’re honestly my favourite people to hang out with.

It's all been good, every stage has been a joy. Now I have young adults I was bursting with pride as my youngest drove herself off to work this morning all independent and starting her adult life. I'll see my eldest for coffee later today.

When they still need a hug and a chat and they're 17.

the unconditional love, and my kids know me better than anyone. They are 11 and 13 so haven't gone through the bad teenage years yet. ( hoenstly don't think it will even be that bad) But hoenstly they are great wee people and have really helped me just by their presence with what was an awful last year when I lost my partner

Edit. Sorry for typos my phone is being annoying and can't change

Adopted after 3 unsuccessful IVFs. Just so much that I love. The snuggles, the laughter, watching them become their own person. It's hard too sometimes, but I wouldn't have missed it for the world

Wearing a bigger and better hat than Groom's mother at the wedding.
(as per my DW).

Absolutely agree with the last sentence!

Hugs from my very tall, very handsome adult sons.