Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

31 and Defeated. Is there a way out of this?

8 replies

DevM · 09/01/2025 11:32

Does life get better? I’m currently going through a bitter divorce with an abusive ex who cheated in the worst way. I’m the sole provider and caregiver for our 6-year-old DD. He quit his job to avoid paying child maintenance and moved to another country. He left me at rock bottom, but somehow, I managed to pull myself out and build a beautiful life. For 2/3 years after he left, I was genuinely happy, I accomplished what I set out to do, felt healed, strong, and proud of myself as a single mum.
But now, I find myself back at rock bottom. Life has taken a very hard turn. I’m on the verge of losing my job because the sector is collapsing, and I’m facing court battles to sort out finances with my ex (there is very little to split). I’m terrified about how I’ll provide for myself and my daughter if I lose my income. It would be nearly impossible to find another job with the same income and flexibility as the one I had.
My mental health is at an all-time low, and I feel overwhelmed with anxiety about the future. At 31, I feel like life has been relentlessly battering me, leaving me with no clear way out. I am very grateful for the good health my daughter and I have as well as my emotionally supportive family and I try to hold onto that hope.

OP posts:
ByQuaintAzureWasp · 09/01/2025 13:37

It will get better and you will get through it, one way or another.

Take care of yourself.

PoodlesRUs · 09/01/2025 13:42

Things can always get better. Life cycles whether we want it to or not. What are you doing about your mental health? Your GP (if you are in the UK) might have some mental health resources on their website, if not give them a call. Perhaps a talking therapy would help. Anxiety is a completely normal emotion but it needs to be well-managed if it's the sort that impacts your day to day or makes you feel hopeless. There's something in you that keeps you going, have faith in yourself.

Adamante · 09/01/2025 13:44

Are you in the UK?

Of course there’s a way out of it. You’ll may have to claim benefits to keep you going but that’s ok, that what the system is there for. It’s not a huge amount, but it’s enough. Your child will get older and become more independent, you’ll retrain or find something else that works for you and your daughter. This was my exact trajectory. Now I have my own small business and am in the final year of my degree. It wasn’t easy, at all, still in the thick of it really, but you can make it happen. I had very little family support as well.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
Goinggold · 09/01/2025 13:56

Why are you having court battles if there is little to split? That sounds needlessly stressful. Half of nothing is still nothing.

Original poster
DevM · 10/01/2025 23:55

PoodlesRUs · 09/01/2025 13:42

Things can always get better. Life cycles whether we want it to or not. What are you doing about your mental health? Your GP (if you are in the UK) might have some mental health resources on their website, if not give them a call. Perhaps a talking therapy would help. Anxiety is a completely normal emotion but it needs to be well-managed if it's the sort that impacts your day to day or makes you feel hopeless. There's something in you that keeps you going, have faith in yourself.

Thank you for your kind words and advice, it really means a lot. I've been coping through meditation, which has been helpful in managing my anxiety, but I haven’t consulted my GP yet. I’ll definitely keep their resources and the idea of talking therapy in mind if things don’t improve. I’m trying to have faith in myself, but it's so hard. Thank you again!

OP posts:
Original poster
DevM · 10/01/2025 23:56

Goinggold · 09/01/2025 13:56

Why are you having court battles if there is little to split? That sounds needlessly stressful. Half of nothing is still nothing.

He’s the one who applied to go to court, so I have to follow the procedure and fill in all the required forms. It’s definitely stressful, especially considering there’s very little to split, but I don’t have much choice in the matter.

OP posts:
Original poster
DevM · 10/01/2025 23:58

Adamante · 09/01/2025 13:44

Are you in the UK?

Of course there’s a way out of it. You’ll may have to claim benefits to keep you going but that’s ok, that what the system is there for. It’s not a huge amount, but it’s enough. Your child will get older and become more independent, you’ll retrain or find something else that works for you and your daughter. This was my exact trajectory. Now I have my own small business and am in the final year of my degree. It wasn’t easy, at all, still in the thick of it really, but you can make it happen. I had very little family support as well.

Thank you for sharing your story. it’s really encouraging to hear. Yes, I’m in the UK, and it’s comforting to know that there’s a way forward, even if it’s very tough atm. I’ll keep your advice in mind as I try to get through this very difficult year ahead.

OP posts:
raggedbottomjeans · 11/01/2025 00:05

Know that even if you end up on benefits for a while, it's ok and you'll survive. Different to what you're used to, but possible. Same with getting a lower paid or inflexible job. Childcare exists. The life you've built might change, that's fate and could happen to anyone and frequently does. You'll be ok though, you'll find a way to live with your new circumstances, just like you did before. You've always got freedom of choice. You can wait and see what happens next then decide how to react or you can proactively choose a direction to go in now with the aim of damage-limitation, there's no right or wrong answer, it's personal choice and a gamble either way. Whatever happens next you still have choices. Whatever it is doesn't have to be forever, there's always the possibility of change.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page