Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Autistic 9 year old

34 replies

Mrspinknails · 08/01/2025 18:23

My son is 9, mainstream school. Asd diagnosed. It breaks my heart when he cries and says he has no friends. He's had play dates ( when I've invited people here..he never gets invited back) doesn't get party invites either . His sibling is popular and he sees this and cries asking why noone will play with him and be his friend.
I raised it a few times at school, and they say they've seen him play with the odd person but they don't seem to do much else. My eldest has seen him walking around the playground on his own but he isn't allowed over to him as the school keep different ages apart .

Will it get easier for him? I hate the thought of high school and being lonely

OP posts:
Scirocco · 09/01/2025 07:55

If he enjoys gaming, people can often find friendship groups through that - are there any gaming clubs near you that he could try? What kind of games does he like?

If he's interested, things like tabletop roleplaying games can be great fun and a way to make friends. Fine motor skills aren't really required - if someone can have a way to roll a D6, that's all they really need - and groups are often very diverse and inclusive.

FoxInTheForest · 09/01/2025 07:58

Does he have an ehcp? If so next review get some support with friends added into it.
If not ask school if they're able to do a few 1-1 or small group sessions with the ta occasionally to try to build friendships. Also speak to them about his seating plan and ask if there's and similar children who he may be able to build a bond with who they could sit him with to encourage that.
Does he do any clubs like cubs or badgers where he could build friendships?

stanleypops66 · 09/01/2025 08:05

Do the school have any lunchtime clubs or other interventions he could join?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

9 year olds
Original poster
Mrspinknails · 09/01/2025 08:11

mitogoshigg · 09/01/2025 07:36

Have you tried getting him into music? Dd reckons half her year are autistic (degree music) and certainly in her youth orchestra days many were nd but most of all it meant she had an activity every Saturday morning when others would be going to parties

He asked for a recorder which we got him but he got bored after 5 mins. I think he gets the option of violin at school but he is obsessed with gaming. Apparently it's something to do with dopamine

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrspinknails · 09/01/2025 08:11

stanleypops66 · 09/01/2025 08:05

Do the school have any lunchtime clubs or other interventions he could join?

Not lunch time no. I've tried every after school club going and be moans going to them

OP posts:
MargaretThursday · 09/01/2025 17:37

Mrspinknails · 09/01/2025 08:11

Not lunch time no. I've tried every after school club going and be moans going to them

Show quote history

How long has he persisted with them?

Just with ds, I told him he had to do one club. I didn't mind what, but gave him a list to choose from. He chose one that I didn't think was his interest, on the basis it was close and only one hour.
He moaned for a term and a half every week.
Then one day he came out and asked if he could do a second class. A term later and he added another class to it.
At one point he was doing 15 hours a week, and it's the only thing he's kept up, and he mopes when it isn't on. He's going to be down in about 20 minutes and spend the next hour complaining that it isn't starting this week - 9 years after he first started.

So if you think that would be a potential. Go for the "you must do one thing". When he moaned about it, I said I was happy for him to stop but he had to choose another.
He takes time to get used to doing anything and does need pushing to start and to carry on.

Original poster
Mrspinknails · 10/01/2025 10:50

MargaretThursday · 09/01/2025 17:37

How long has he persisted with them?

Just with ds, I told him he had to do one club. I didn't mind what, but gave him a list to choose from. He chose one that I didn't think was his interest, on the basis it was close and only one hour.
He moaned for a term and a half every week.
Then one day he came out and asked if he could do a second class. A term later and he added another class to it.
At one point he was doing 15 hours a week, and it's the only thing he's kept up, and he mopes when it isn't on. He's going to be down in about 20 minutes and spend the next hour complaining that it isn't starting this week - 9 years after he first started.

So if you think that would be a potential. Go for the "you must do one thing". When he moaned about it, I said I was happy for him to stop but he had to choose another.
He takes time to get used to doing anything and does need pushing to start and to carry on.

Show quote history

A term. At the end of each term a load of after school clubs are released. Some are fot different ages. When we put him in for them he does the whole term...still moans every week. Even film club while eating popcorn he moaned about. !!

OP posts:
Doveyouknow · 10/01/2025 12:31

I would push the school to look at putting an intervention in place to help him with friendships. It's unlikely he is the only one who struggles socially so I wouldn't be surprised if they run some interventions already.

I do think it can be a bit of a learning curve though - my ds identified he wanted friends in juniors but it took a bit longer to work out that to do that he might need to compromise and get involved in stuff he wasn't especially interested in at times in order to build friendships. By the end of yr6 he had a good group of friends and has slowly built friendships in secondary as well.

Finally don't dismiss the school that's further away. If you had asked me in year 4 about my ds getting a bus to school I would've laughed. By the end of year 6 he was confidently using buses and trains. He made huge leaps in maturity in years 5 and 6.

SatinHeart · 10/01/2025 12:43

Keep the pressure up for the EHC needs assessment to happen. My son has ASD and has it written into his EHCP that he needs adult support with friendships and social interactions at school.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread