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Original poster

Partners snoring is driving me nuts

18 replies

HeyLyla7 · 08/01/2025 03:31

He has always snored but it's getting worse. I used to be able to sleep through it most of the time, if I was asleep first and/or really tired myself. But even that's difficult now.
Fortunately we do not live together yet, we have been talking about him moving in but if things continue as they are I honestly couldn't cope.
Recently when he has been here I've had to ask him to go home after a couple of days due to being so tired and irritated from the lack of sleep. To begin with he was offended by this but now takes great satisfaction in making a show of telling everyone we know about how evil I am kicking him out over a little snoring. This embarrasses me as i feel he's trying to make me look and feel silly although he denies this.
I've tried ear plugs but they irritate my ears and also trigger my anxiety as I worry about not hearing something that I need to. I've tried white noise, music on my phone and leaving the tv on a timer but he it's as if he's actually trying to outdo other sounds lol
I've asked him to try various things I've found online such as nasal strips/plugs, mouthguards etc but he refuses. He doesn't see why he should spend money on stuff he doesn't have to. He can't hear his snoring and sleeps well so it's not his problem apparently.
Not sure why I'm posting really, maybe just to vent and maybe just some input from others who have been in this situation. Feeling stressed and sleep pattern is non existent at the moment.

OP posts:
romdowa · 08/01/2025 03:34

Unless he's willing to sort the snoring then I definitely wouldn't let him move in. I had 3 years of it and I was on the brink of madness, turns out my dh has sleep apnea , one cpap machine later and we now have silence again . Unfortunately due to 3 years of being woken up all night I now struggle to sleep as my body is used to waking 😤

XmasSocks · 08/01/2025 03:36

Snoring partner being tested for sleep apnea here too…

But i dont sleep in the same room as him
I cant cope with that

Tiredofitallagain · 08/01/2025 03:36

Just a message of sympathy. I'm awake because of my partners snores top. I have sent him to sleep with DS but can still hear him.would you feel weird asking him to sleep in another bedroom? That will reduce the proximity and anxiety. This time of year is the worst though as they tend to be more stuffed up!
If I'm in a calm mood I use his snoring as a breathing technique, try ti match his breathing and that helps me sleep.

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username299 · 08/01/2025 03:41

He doesn't see why he should spend money on stuff he doesn't have to. He can't hear his snoring and sleeps well so it's not his problem apparently.

That doesn't bode well at all. You are suffering because of his snoring and because he doesn't hear it, he doesn't care.

I would be very firm. He either sorts out his snoring or no more nights together.

Original poster
HeyLyla7 · 08/01/2025 03:53

Absolute torture! So glad you have your silence back, hopefully you will be able to sort out your sleep pattern too.
We did talk about the possibility of it being sleep apnea but he doesn't see the need to see his GP as he doesn't think it affects him.
I really just think it's down to lifestyle. But again all stuff that he doesn't want to make any changes to.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 08/01/2025 04:02

So basically you're dealing with a bone selfish individual who paints you in a bad light to friends, and is completely dismissive of the suffering he's inflicting on you?

Is this man some sort of sex god?

What other reason could there possibly be for continuing this relationship?

What are you thinking even letting him stay one night in your home keeping you from sleep?

Original poster
HeyLyla7 · 08/01/2025 04:04

Sorry still figuring this site out.
I don't have a spare room or would happily sleep apart.
I feel bad as I'm really sensitive to noise in general but have learned to deal with it for the most part. Snoring is just the one thing I can't seem to get past.
He has allergies which cause him to be stuffed up most of the time. Antihistamines help a lot and I think do help with the snoring a little but he just won't take them every day unless I make him. I used to always keep a box in the cupboard but now just feel why should I go out my way when he won't make any effort

OP posts:
Original poster
HeyLyla7 · 08/01/2025 04:12

I'm at the point where he won't be able to stay unless he's willing to try something. The relationship is great other than the snoring thing so not as easy just to cut him off unfortunately. It's the only time I've seen this selfish side of him so hoping he will see sense

OP posts:
whoisjoe · 08/01/2025 04:32

also awake due to my partners snoring . He is very aware of it and trying to make changes though. I found downloading a sleep recording app and showing him how bad it was helped him realise he needs to make change .
i wouldn’t move in with someone so selfish ,

Highlighta · 08/01/2025 04:34

HeyLyla7 · 08/01/2025 04:12

I'm at the point where he won't be able to stay unless he's willing to try something. The relationship is great other than the snoring thing so not as easy just to cut him off unfortunately. It's the only time I've seen this selfish side of him so hoping he will see sense

This is what you are going to have to do. You are suffering with lack of sleep and he couldn't give two shits by the sounds of it.

He sounds very selfish.

So unless he does something about it, he is going to have a fair few lonely nights ahead.

Start as you mean to go on OP. If you accept this selfish behaviour now, it's going to get worse. How very dare he mock you to his friends that you are upset about not having a basic need. I saw red just reading that bit.

Are you sure this streak isn't venturing into other areas or the relationship that you haven't yet noticed?

My ex snored horrifically so I know what it is like. And he was no angel, but even he went to the doctor and did something about it. A cpap machine makes all the difference.

Highlighta · 08/01/2025 04:39

HeyLyla7 · 08/01/2025 04:12

I'm at the point where he won't be able to stay unless he's willing to try something. The relationship is great other than the snoring thing so not as easy just to cut him off unfortunately. It's the only time I've seen this selfish side of him so hoping he will see sense

It's the only time I've seen this selfish side of him

But he embarrasses you by making a show of why you asked him to go home. Making you out as the one in the wrong. This is very much not okay OP.

BettyBardMacDonald · 08/01/2025 04:39

"takes great satisfaction in making a show of telling everyone we know about how evil I am kicking him out over a little snoring. "

Get rid. Being solo is far preferable to allowing yourself to be publicly debased by an oafish, inconsiderate jackass.

If you stick with him you will deeply, bitterly regret it. Mark my words.

BettyBardMacDonald · 08/01/2025 04:40

mathanxiety · 08/01/2025 04:02

So basically you're dealing with a bone selfish individual who paints you in a bad light to friends, and is completely dismissive of the suffering he's inflicting on you?

Is this man some sort of sex god?

What other reason could there possibly be for continuing this relationship?

What are you thinking even letting him stay one night in your home keeping you from sleep?

Exactly.

Raise your standards, OP. Drastically.

Original poster
HeyLyla7 · 08/01/2025 05:03

Honestly feel this is the only time I've seen this side. Definitely stopping the overnights til he does something. I think I'm going to have a chat with him and just make it really clear that it is affecting me a lot and that I also don't appreciate him making a joke out of it to others. Part of me feels that maybe he's just thinks it's just not that big a deal but at the same time I know that he should be able to see that it is.

OP posts:
asquideatingdough · 08/01/2025 05:05

Honestly I think society is partly at fault here by making out that snoring is just funny or silly, not a major quality of life issue.

Original poster
HeyLyla7 · 08/01/2025 05:12

The story has gotten a few laughs so I guess that encourages him to repeat it

OP posts:
Original poster
HeyLyla7 · 08/01/2025 05:15

Pillows are probably the only thing I hadn't thought about. Could be worth a try

OP posts:
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