Children left alone

[Donotpanicoknowpanic]

Just wondering

What age would you leave children alone in the house by themselves?

It would either be a few hours in the evening

Or maybe four hours at a weekend?

Basically I'm a single parent and want to do some things but not always have to bring my kids with me

Two boys, 11 and 14

The 14 year old already does the day alone if he can't go to school for any reason

They have a bedroom each with ps5 and TVs in

They would probably just stay in there rooms

(Not sure what most parents do age wise)

OP has not said she is going to do that

This is what she said:
If anything it would be for the summer holiday
If I could leave them alone when I'm at work all day that would be amazing

Question for those that leave their 12 or 13 year olds while at work over holidays. Do you allow them to go meet up with friends etc

Yes, but we live in a small safe village, all kids roam around from a younger age than that. They are allowed to have friends over, but will let me know first.

Yeah even the bit you’ve quoted doesn’t say all day 5 days a week for 6 weeks.

I have similar aged kids - id leave the younger one for two hours, but not 4 on a regular basis as feel that when they're straying into 'I'm getting bored' territory that bad things can happen, and not all day as whilst they might sit and game all day, it wouldn't really be good for them. Obviously the 14 year old is going to be fine.

At 11 (Summer born, so 11 just before end of Y6)? Maybe for 1-2 hours in the evening but not later than 8pm, we were normally nearby-ish and there was no need to cook.

During the day at a weekend - definitely.

At 14? She was alone for a full day when DH was travelling for work and I was at work with 1 hour commute.

Well, then maybe rhe OP can confirm whether she works full days, full time, and that may help posters to advise better. Eg if she only works 3 hrs a day people may be more likely to say "that sounds fine then".

Just read the OP as that’s what she asked about. Making a comment about when she’d start doing that and saying oh it’d be nice if I could leave them while at work means just that. Saying a few hours in the evening, or 4 hours at the weekend, in the summer holidays. Doesn’t mean 9-5 Monday to Friday for 6 weeks. Maybe she’d slip in a work day or two if others do that and it doesn’t sound outrageous.

I have a 10yo and 7yo.

i will leave 10yo on his own for up to half an hour.

i will leave the two of them together for about 10mins if they are in a sensible mood.

They have access to a phone if they need to contact me and know all our neighbours in the event of an emergency.

i can well imagine by 10 and 14 we’d leave them both together for a couple of hours.

Not sure which timings your asking about, is it at night and weekends or summer holidays for full days ?

It definitely depends on the kids, I know some of mine would have be fine together and some would not, some capable of cooking etc

Both of mines were left that amount of time at 11yo.
A lot of Y7 are 11yo and it’s expected they can spend the whole day on their own during the hols 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

I feel old. Times have changed so much!

I was a babysitter at 14 for two under 6 years old. No phones either just the one at the end of the street.

My ex-husband left us seven years ago (2 weeks before the summer holiday and I worked then full time). I have no family around me and not much of a support network either (thanks to ex). My DS was then nearly 7 (Now 13). I was fortunate that I work with an incredible team of ladies who helped enormously and I ended up having the daughter of one of them look after DS in the holidays that year. I then changed my hours to help with school hours but she continued to do childcare in the holidays with a combination of holiday clubs in the summer.

After Covid I was lucky enough to only need to be in the office two days a week so the first year, I did half days and DS stayed home for a couple of hours on those two days - I always made sure I was home for lunch time.

Now he’s in yr9, older and in secondary, he gets left all day but I can be home in no more than 10 minutes. He now enjoys the responsibility and trust - he knows the boundaries.

Honestly though, I really do think it’s down to the child.

I’m lucky in that DS is fairly mature for his age, quite self sufficient (he also goes to StJohns Ambulance so knows at least basic first aid) and knows how to get help if needed. I was worried out of my mind when I first left him to go out with friends in the evening (about 2.5 hours) but I came home to find him in exactly the same spot as I left him! I genuinely have no worries now. He is sensible, has multiple ways to contact me (even has work colleagues numbers) and our neighbours are great and he knows them.

Every child is different though.

(sorry that turned out more waffly than I wanted but some history was needed I think)

I leave my boys same age (Y6 & Y10) alone or together for a few hours - older one all day, younger for maybe 3 hours.

I leave them in the evenings for a few hours with 7 year old sibling with the 14 year old babysitting so we can go to the cinema or out for dinner. Grandparents on hand near by.

Ds is 15 and reckons he'd be fine left overnight. He's not a party kid; just likes the house to be empty while he games. But I don't think we'd get away with it if anything did happen.
I definitely left them all day when they were in yr 9 and 7 and both of us had to be in work. They were, and are fine.

The U.K. is a complete outsider in this scenario. None of my friends in other European countries would think twice about leaving an 11 year old for four hours. I don't really have an opinion on who is "right", I just find it interesting. I would love to know if there is data on whether there is a lower rate of accidents, injuries, abductions etc in the U.K. due to children developing their their independence later. My brother lives in Germany and their seven year old takes himself to the school bus every day, it's completely normal there but it makes my blood run cold!

I was fine leaving DD on her own once she was 11 (Year 7). At that age she was commuting for over an hour on 2 tubes and a bus across London to secondary school and she was sensible and able to deal with unexpected situations. It's normal for kids to travel independently to secondary school in London and to be home on their own during school holidays - there isn't any childcare for older kids so realistically it's what most families do.

If they're happy to be left they'll be fine.

Thanks for all your responses

I did read them all

The 11 (almost 12 by summer) would stay at home with his older brother (14 now be almost 15 in summer)

Basically just thinking of childcare arrangements for the future

I think they are not quite there yet but by summer holidays they should be

Just wondering what age other people do

I would get my mum or ex to go in and check in them during the day and hopefully do something with them when I'm at work

I would also leave lunch behind for them both as well

I do, does getting the bus all over the city for school and goes out with friends on weekends so it's no different. But I have life 360 on her phone and she updates me on what she's doing

I was just commenting that by the time I was 14, I was babysitting little kids I didn't know anywhere near as well as the OP's older dc knows their sibling.

I have no opinion either way about what the OP should do about her situation.