Feeling uncomfy on school pick up

[Lou9453]

I have always been part of a small group of parents at my child’s school. All kids and parents got on well , making occasional plans together .Within the last year new kids have joined the class and the group is now bigger with louder personalities. Iv had comments from one person telling me I don’t look very happy ,asking why am I quiet and even received an angry text when the kids were involved in something at school. Me having Asd/adhd means I don’t like big crowds, loud people and for various reasons Iv distanced myself from them all as feel uncomfy and conscious around them. Iv been stressed recently so do admit Iv been off I’m not wanting to talk and probs rude unintentionally to them but I always apologise via text after realising . Another mum which I used to be close with seems not interested now when I message to make plans for our 2 kids in holidays as always says no is busy or working. Plus the WhatsApp groups makes me feel even more paranoid as they don’t always reply when I respond to things. Anyone else enjoy school runs like me ?😂

Yep.
The OP is clearly isn’t helping herself by being on the spectrum.
I mean how dare she have autism and not cope with big groups. People hey!

@Lou9453 mums at the school gate are cliques like groups of girls in primary school.
Theyre rarely friends p. A friend would have noticed you distancing yourself and would have asked what’s going on. Not shut you out.

Sorry - posted on wrong thread!

We have a year group what's app that's useful for updates/reminders but it's strictly school stuff.

I have been a part of what's app groups before but I don't really like it so items to stick to individual messages/friendship.

Gentle hugs. I'm an AuDHD mum too and always found the playground cliques difficult to navigate. I've had friendship groups expand (I'm usually the one to welcome new friends in) but have learned to avoid loud personalities. People who are judgemental of others are not welcome with me as I know if they are speaking badly of others to me they will be doing the same about me when I'm not present. Some people never grow out of that Mean Girls style high school mentality.

I've learned that people with fiery personalities will burn you in a heartbeat, and your mental health is so important. Your childrens friendships will change and grow over time.. and so will yours.

Be gentle with yourself, trying to push through what we can't handle leads to stress and burnout, and although some may try, people who aren't neurospicy struggle to put themselves in our shoes.

you'd be surprised how many autistic and adhd parents there are and I would suggest you find your tribe, we are much more understanding of each other..

When your find the space you feel comfortable in you'll feel so much more relaxed, and will probably find the original friend group try to bring you back into the fold because they miss what you provided before you were burning out. If/when that happens be careful, polite, etc but keep any meet ups to a 1-2-1 basis so you don't have the overwhelm of too much stimulation, it makes it easier to process everything and regulate your responses, and still be able to cope with the other aspects of your day.

Be kind to yourself.

I've never understood the anxiety around dropoffs and pickups at school.

I walk my son to school every morning (reception class) and drop him off at the gate where his teacher greets him.

I then walk off quickly, back home, as I WFH.

Later on I pick him up from afterschool club.

I'm not friends with anyone at school and I'm okay with this.

The mom’s in my daughter’s year group were lovely and I can honestly say I got on with them all.

Could you maybe arrive just before they’re about to come out so you’re not waiting as long?

🩷

I did make some friends when I used to do school runs but there was always different groups of mums who were judgy and bitchy unfortunately thats how it seems to be I used to keep my distance from the majority of them like I’ve said there was a few I made friends with and we are still friends now but don’t stress yourself over playground mums they really aren’t worth it.

I would say just keep to yourself, smile, say hi to anyone you know. In the whatapp group if you want to participate keep it simple and pleasant. If someone makes a good comment you can heart it.

That. I'm not good at social stuff and unfortunately I have resting bitch face, so it looks as though I'm sad or angry when I'm not.
So I've learned (and it's really not that hard, even for me) to ensure that I don't send those off putting vibes. I don't need to actively talk to people, but I can at least smile or arrange my face so that I don't look as though I hate everyone and want them to go away.

I hate the school run, luckily I'm only at the end of the road so we leave just in time for me to drop and run and I arrive just in time so the doors open and I am outta there.

I’ve never understood the BIG school mum/drop off thing women get so involved in - upset they don’t fit in or can’t make play dates etc - there is literally 3 ladies I will say hello to/make chit chat to if I see them while waiting and that is purely due to meeting them in Covid times and I was on furlough, I hadn’t done any pick up drop offs for the first 2 years of infant school so knew no one - its was a small class so naturally small group and they was very friendly and our kids did play together - then they moved on to junior school and the kids are year 6 now and I still only say hello/make chit chat with these 3 ladies - they don’t all stand together and I have no interest and never have to make new mum friends (my face probably puts people off 😂) just move on make friendships outside of the school group or not ! listen when people show you who they are x

The school run is a big deal, and a source of misery, on Mn because a lot of posters struggle socially, see very few people, but have quite programmatic ideas about situations in which they’re ‘supposed’ to make friends.

What I frequently find funny is that the posters complaining about ‘cliques’ and ‘exclusions’ often expect the other mothers to keep a permanent alert for anyone who looks lonely or is standing alone, and make a point of going to talk to them, while they themselves won’t make the slightest overture.

What I frequently find funny is that the posters complaining about ‘cliques’ and ‘exclusions’ often expect the other mothers to keep a permanent alert for anyone who looks lonely or is standing alone, and make a point of going to talk to them, while they themselves won’t make the slightest overture.

Completely agree with this. I have lots of mum friends in both classes that I gravitate and chat to- this could be perceived as cliquey but it’s not and if anyone else spoke to me I’d happily include them and chat! But if you stand in the corner looking at your phone people aren’t going to make conversation.

For goodness sake, dont get involved in the playground Mum mafia, you will be much happier 😁