How can I stop hating my living room?

[BabCNesbitt]

Ex-DH moved out about 18 months ago. For a couple of years before that, the routine in the evening was that he’d hang out downstairs in the living room and I’d retreat up to the bedroom and hang out under the duvet.

But since then, the only times I’ve used the living room have been when I’ve been watching TV with the DCs. When they’re at their dad’s house, I still just wind up hanging out in my bedroom - if I sit in the living room, I just feel very aware of it being me on my own and I feel uncomfortable, or I sit around noticing all the unread books or unpainted walls. I’m not really a TV person but very occasionally watch a film in there.

It doesn’t help that the living room feels a bit depressing and unloved, tbh - I have cans of paint, but can’t seem to coordinate the tasks that’d be needed to get that done (moving furniture, blocking a small damp patch, prepping the walls, painting the woodwork etc). I have a colourful sofa and armchair and lots of books but sad old white Billy bookshelves that feel a bit studenty. I’ve also got zero budget to buy new things for the room or get someone in to paint. It’s a tiny terrace - the front door leads straight into the room but we never use it. (My bedroom is also drab and depressing but at least there I can pull the duvet over my head!)

Does anyone have any suggestions for how I can learn to stop worrying and love my living room?

Fairy lights, candles, wax melts, fluffy blankets! All easy and cheap and make a difference.

Get the painting done. It will really help. It is a Ballache. No denying it. But once it's done it will feel loads better.

Marketplace is great for free or very cheap stuff to help update the look.

Are there any friends that would help? Move furniture? Paint a wall? I'd help my friend in your situation. And bring wine!

Agree with above. Fairy lights transform a space so easily. Adding texture with blankets and cushions. Dunelm do loads.
Also, new bright artwork or even just one big piece. You can get cheap ‘poster’ prints online and frames from Argos don’t break the bank.

You could set yourself a target of painting one wall a day - makes the task much more manageable.You don't have to clean your brushes or rollers each day- just tie them in a plastic bag and they'll keep.

Break the big tasks into small ones and make a list, for example 'move books from shelves, move bookcase 1 from wall, find/buy dust sheets'. Try to do one thing per eveninv. If you can get one wall painted it might inspire you to do the rest.

If you don't want to paint, I second the cosy throw idea. New curtains (dunelm have a gorgeous selection) and new cushions can personalise a room beautifully. Change the pictures, or put some new ones up.

Good luck!

Have a look in charity shops for pictures/paintings and ornaments. If the books are not going to be read, get rid of them.

Move the furniture round, put throws over the sofa, make it look different.

You have got this. You make that your space as other have suggested.

You are paying the mortgage/ rent and he is still taking from you (if you have a 2 bed house, bathroom, kitchen and lounge he is still taking 20% of your space from you). You deserve every inch of your space to feel like yours.

Sending you strength and light xx

Move the furniture, even a little bit. Break down the painting into small tasks and work your way through the list. Rope in family or friends to help. Little steps.

Have a re-claim and re-decorate party...do it with your children or get some friends/family to join in.
Tell them the place needs sprucing up and get the paint out and pizzas in?

How old are your children? Can you get them into helping?

I would definitely tackle the damp patch, it gets more expensive the bigger it gets.

Then the walls, it doesn't have to be anything fancy, I actually prefer white so I can play around with colours. But it feels good accomplishing something.

I saw people painting their Billy units, but I am the first to say that it goes above my skills.

Can you put some small amount of money aside each month and see how much you saved in 3 or 6 months and buy some items. See it as a medium-term goal, not something you can sort out immediately.

definitely get the DC to help with some painting and decorating.

buy a calendar full of nice pictures (v. cheap at this time of year) and put the 4 best ones into clip frames on the wall -> easy decoration to make a room look better.

or go full student-mode with fairy lights and posters of pop stars / footballers / whatever your kids are into. something for a few years to make you all smile.

It is possible to get loads of good stuff for free if you are willing to take up the challenge. See if you can get your kids involved, both in sourcing materials and doing the work.

There are schemes like this one where you can get free paint communityrepaint.org.uk/

Facebook can be great for free furniture, lots of councils also run schemes where they have good quality furniture that's been rescued from going to landfill or donated that is made available to people on low incomes. Like this leicester-shire-reuse-network.co.uk/

I find wallpaper makes a bigger impact and feels like more of a change than re-painting and if the wall area is small than a single roll might be enough. With sales on it would be realistic to get a roll of paper for £10 from B&Q and a pack of paste for £5. If you can get 'Paste The Wall' paper, then an hours work would have the wall papered and completely transformed, it's also usually thicker so does a great job of covering any slight imperfections in the plaster.

Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and get on with it .
Start with all the prep . Sand the skirting boards , and door , paint the ceiling , and then the walls .
If you can afford it , get new lighting ( even just lampshades ) new curtains .
Change the layout , get throws . Result , new room.
Use the space & enjoy .

Oh and look up IKEA Billy Bookcase hacks. So many amazing transformations where people have managed to completely change the look and purpose of these bookcases with a bit of paint, some wooden beading or handles and imagination.

Get a second duvet and wallow.under it on the couch. Think of it as your "transition duvet". Mimic your bedroom lounging on the sofa during daytime hours.

Then, over time, put the duvet further away.

This is a lovely positive post, OP - I hope you think so too!

Spring isn’t far away really and the light will gradually change as the days get longer. Give yourself a target (March?) of when you’ve got this room back all nicely painted and fresh - and it will feel brilliant… that YOU did it, you’ve got your room back!!🌺

OP you have made a good start - you already have the tins of paint. It is within reach.

I recently redid a small room and I admit, at the start it felt unachievable but now it's just lovely every time I go in there. It's so rewarding once it's done. And I think you will find it very therapeutic.

This post has some useful suggestions about primer to use when painting Billy bookshelves. designertrapped.com/painting-ikea-furniture/

Don't forget to take lots of " before" photos so that you can compare with how great it looks once done.

Share them here if you like (and not too outing). We're rooting for you to reclaim that room!

Do you know anyone that you could trade a favour with? You offer to walk their dog or do their ironing in return for them doing your decorating?

Don’t let your ex leave a shadow over your future.

I was just coming on to say we hacked our Billys by wallpapering the back of them. The wallpaper was in the sale and a fiver for paste. I'm also a fan of chalk paint, use it on glass, vases, walls, furniture, wood etc. Facebook marketplace is great for freebies, both soft furnishings and furniture as is freegle.

You don't use the room as it is

Push all the furniture into the middle and cover with an old bed sheet

Tape double newspaper over the carpet

And do the prep (painting is easy in comparison)

Sort out damp patch, sand, fill, sand, sugar soap, let dry. It will probably take about a week being realistic.

Then paint from top to bottom
Ceiling first, usually easy as it's usually just two new layers on top of white.
I never bother to tape up for ceiling because you go over the walls
Cut in with brush first and the roller away

Then depending on how good you are with a brush, either tape up ceiling edges then paint walls or cut in with the brush freehand. I advise taping in. You might want to do the ceiling first so it will be fully dry whilst you prep walls.

Brand new colour on walls will make such a difference.

Then do woodwork.

It will take 2 weeks max. By end of January you will have a new room.
Listen to lively radio whilst working.

It will feel yours then
A place you want to be in on return to home.

Tackle bookshelves and other stuff once room is ready.

You can always fill and paint a bookshelf for a stop gap.

Lamps, freestanding pointing up and a table reading lamp

Move a speaker in there.

Get TV on wall to create floor space.

But one step at a time, room decorated first and once you have spent time working, dancing and singing along to KissFM (pick your belter station of choice) you will FEEL differently about the space and about yourself for accomplishment of the task.

It's not going to change if you do nothing OP.

Thank you for all the suggestions! I'm feeling a bit more motivated now. I was planning to paint the ceiling the same colour as the walls, but I've noticed that there's a cracked and wonky bit of cornicing (decrepit Victorian terrace) that I need to replace before I can get started on that - I'll see how much it might cost to sort that out. (I don't often wear my glasses in the living room so only just noticed it!) But in the meantime, at least, I'll move one of the bookshelves this weekend and do the damp blocking, if nothing else.

Stupid question: how do you paint skirting if you have carpet? Do you need to lift the carpet or is it possible to just tape it off? (The carpet is landlord quality and really needs to be replaced but... money.)

Wide masking tape

Yes, wide tape, put some music on and do a bit at a time.

first, I’d move the furniture around and even a cheap bunch of flowers cheers a room up.
what colours are your sofa?

I'm in the process of doing up another home and everything takes ages but when I finally got the lounge painted it really cheered me up.

I'd sort out the damp patch and then paint the room. Mine is all white. It took a couple of months but a start is a start. I've put up curtains and fairy lights and the difference is incredible. The room feels like mine again.

If the bookcases are getting on your nerves could you store your books in a cupboard until you can afford new ones? Or see if anyone on Facebook is getting rid of a bookcase or cabinet?

I bet once the room is reclaimed you will love it!